How Dry I am…31 days without a drink.
Let’s face it. I’m a lush, and unfortunately, lush is oft confused with drunk. In fact Lushes are often unfairly lumped into the dark and depressing world of the Drunk-Alcoholic. Though it is possible for Lush’s to be drunk, it is impossible for drunks to be Lush’s. Granted pro-longed “Lushing” can lead to Alcoholism, but this result is neither guaranteed nor promised.
Allow me to enlighten you.
Lush’s are social drinkers. Our habitat is wide and vast. We frequent sports bars and happy hours, we argue the merits of New Castle and Heineken. We entertain crowds with lovable stories of our inebriated misadventures. We get drunk, yet maintain a crunk composure.
Lush’s are amicable and charismatic. Drunks are obnoxious. Alcoholics use the bottle to escape a drab and weary world; Lush’s use the bottle to enhance an already exciting existence.
So why bring this up? Simple, to prove once and for all that one can live life as a Lush without becoming a drunk.
My technical director Renard (Furious Styles) and I were sitting in the studio on a Sunday. He looked bad. His face wore the scars of dehydration and inadequate sleep. His voice was coarse and lethargic and his eyes which once danced with excitement, now seemingly conveyed a hint of regret. He was hung over. I knew the scars well, I had been there before.
Shaking his head like a mother who had just been informed of the loss of a child, Renard lifted his head and spoke, “I ain’t drinking this month man.”
In a moment of clarity I realized that the broken man in front of me had stumbled upon a novel idea. By displaying the will-power to not drink for a month we could kill two birds with one stone. We could prove to ourselves than we weren’t drunks, and at the same time silence those who criticize us for our drunken ways.
I immediately hop on board, and with a handshake and eye contact rife with uncertainty, Renard and I commit to not drinking for the month of October.
I’m weak. I have been thinking about wrapping my lips around a cold one all day. Conspiracy Brother is coming by to talk about the show, and on day one I come extremely close to self-destructing.
Tony: “Conspiracy Brother, grab me a Heineken on the way over.”
Conspiracy Brother: “You ain’t shit.”
Yes, in that moment I realized that this would be the toughest thing I have ever done.
I’m fine until the Anti-Tony Marvin hits me up on my cell phone. “Tone…lets get a pitcher.”
I instinctively agree and we set up the bar and meeting time in seconds. It isn’t until I hop in the car that I realize where the hell I’m going.
I call Renard, convinced that he has fallen off the wagon and thus ushered in the abandoning this noble and sobering quest.
Tony: Renard, I am about to get a drink man.
Renard: Don’t do it!!!!!
Renard then tells me about how the previous evening he went to strip club and ordered a cranberry juice…wow…if he can sip on Cranberry in the middle of all that T&A, I can hold on and remain sober.
I call Marvin and let him know, the idea strikes a cord with him, and now we are three on this Dry Journey.
Temptation exists behind every corner, Jenkins and the girls invite Renard and I to happy hour. We hold firm, Renard has a sprite. The waiter nearly laughs in my face when I order a Virgin Pina Colada.
D-Day. I have been dreading this day all weak. A vendor has thrown a happy hour in honor of a departing co-worker. This means, free food and of course, free booze. I am weak, and the thought of getting drunk on a white woman’s dime seems too great. That and Conspiracy Brother releasing a consistent chorus of “ahhhhh” every time he takes a sip of his Corona.
This is too much, I don’t want to fail, I grab my keys a leave. No drink.
Rest in Peace Renard and Marvin. They officially fell off the wagon.
Halfway there…no drink.
Day 16 Thru 19:
Another tough day. Nicole and Germaine, two really good friends of mine have recently purchased a house, and to break it in right, the two have decided to have a poker night. This means I will be face to face with an old nemesis. The Holland Horror…also known as an ice cold Heineken.
The result: I drink Ice Cold Water all night…and WIN the poker game.
Sobriety is starting to show its benefits.
Day 21 thru 26:
Day 27 thru 31:
Tony is a Drunk? My ass…now lets head over to the bar.
Tony Price is a writer and producer of online content and the creator of the UrbanSpin network. He produces a weekly podcast and executive produces an entire network of blogs, audio and video media. His resume includes producing content for Planet Hollywood, Bodog, and the official podcasts for the Sony Pictures films, “Little Man, Stomp the Yard, and This Christmas.”