To recap here’s what happened on out last column: Art and Chris have had their hydrogen bomb, and more importantly their column, stolen by terroists. Field Agent Art Tebbel was dispatched to deal with a warehouse full of terrorists in Santa Monica while tech expert Chris Toia has been instrumental in providing intelligence. Art just discovered the bomb but had no idea how to diffuse it so left it to focus on retrieving the column. On his way out he found out that there’s a mole within the Pop Art & Chris organization.
The following events take place between 9:31 and 9:39
9:31- Chris is talking on a Skype headset in a foreign language. Art enters the Hollywood headquarters and is shocked to hear Chris talking in rapid-fire Hebrew to a mysterious third-party. Art immediately realizes the shocking truth: Chris is the mole. Art screams and charges at Chris. A kung-fu fight begins.
9:32- An epic fight ensues clearly the equal of Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon crossed with Crank 2 with all the bullet time effects possible in modern photography. No quarter is asked by either man and certainly none is given. They jockey for superiority but are evenly matched.
9:33- After one minute of strenuous physical activity Art and Chris are really out of breath and decide to settle their differences by talking. Chris explains he wasn’t always a mole but was turned at 9:26 after the terrorist said that if he didn’t cooperate he would fly Chris’ entire family out to Los Angeles. Chris couldn’t take that chance. In a touching moment complete with soft music Art promises Chris that he would let that happen, that if it came down to it Art would murder Chris’ family. Chris vows to do the same for Art. Art explains that he likes his family.
9:34- Chris decides to use his “mole” status against the terrorist and runs a trace on the Skype connection. He discovers that the call was coming not from Israel but from Pasadena. An orthodox church with reputed ties to some shady ex-military Israelis. The group wants to advance the cause of Zionism and if only they had writers of the caliber of Art and Chris they might be able to convince the Arab world of Israel’s right to exist. Art and Chris can’t take that chance.
9:35- Art arrives in Pasadena. It’s dark, too dark. The night sky erupts in flames as Art’s car explodes just as he’s stepping out of it. Chris screams into the phone trying to get a response from Art but hears only the crackling flames. Chris has to put his telephone headset down on his desk as he grimaces in pain over the loss of his exploded friend. Chris only has one choice, he must get to Pasadena and finish the fight.
This would be a good time to announce Art and Chris’ new sports betting site. We’ll give you our can’t miss sports picks. For example, Chris guarantees that this year’s World Series will be won by the Mets; Art guarantees that any other team will win. Place your bets now.
9:36- Chris is stuck in traffic. The Bruce Springsteen station on his satellite radio is playing one of those concerts from when Bruce toured as a solo artist. It’s not a bad show or anything but it doesn’t feel appropriate for driving, you know?
9:37- Chris arrives in Pasadena. More blood than should ever come from a human being is covering the wreckage of Art’s car. Chris spots the charred remains of Art’s definitely dead body, which isn’t breathing because it’s completely lifeless. Chris reaches in to his trusty medical bag and pulls out the one thing that can save Art now, a green mushroom with white spots and a face. Having been given an extra life, Art sits up. Chris warns Art that he has broken ribs and a cracked cranium, he cautions Art that he should rest. Art grabs his gun and stands up.
9:38- Art and Chris are finally ready to go after the terrorists for real. Chris remembers that he left a pie cooling on his windowsill back home. If he doesn’t go and secure it, it will be vulnerable to poaching by wandering vagrants. They split up, Art goes after the evildoers; Chris goes back for his pastry.
To be continued.