Easy to Slip, by Martha Thomases – Brilliant Disguise

June 25, 2011 Martha Thomases 14 Comments

Damn you, deadlines!  In my attempt to get this column in early enough to allow Tatiana some lee-way in the other parts of her life, I often want to write about something that may be resolved between the time I send in my copy (usually Thursday afternoon, Eastern Time) and the time it’s posted (on Saturday).

This is such a week.  The New York State Senate is supposed to vote on a bill to legalize gay marriage.  They are doing this during Pride Week, celebrating the birth of the modern LGBTQ movement from a riot at the Stonewall Inn in 1969.  With Fleet Week at the beginning of June, and Pride Week at the end, there is no shortage of cute guys in costumes walking around all month.

The reason the bill hasn’t passed the Senate yet (the Democratic-controlled Assembly passed it several times) is, ostensibly, that Republicans want exemptions for religious groups to be able to opt out.

What does this mean?  Obviously, it means churches that don’t want to perform marriages to same-sex couples don’t have to do so.  I get that.  Religious organizations that own buildings (like the Knights of Columbus, for example) don’t have to rent out their halls to same-sex couples for wedding receptions.  That’s petty, but I bet most gay and lesbian couples could live with that.

Then what?  Can a Catholic hospital refuse to allow a gay man in his husband’s room as next of kin?  I realize, as a Jew, that I’m not properly trained, but is this what Jesus would do?

And what about the religious freedom of those who don’t oppose same-sex marriage.  Leaving aside the atheists (and we always do, don’t we?), there are many Protestant and Jewish sects that encourage marriage for all.  Aren’t our rights being violated by this ban?

According to this, there are non-religious reasons to oppose same-sex marriage.  Unfortunately for the writer, most of them (children deserve to live with both parents, the purpose of marriage is procreation, children shouldn’t be required to learn about families different from their own) would also require that divorce be outlawed (and I have no idea what he’d do about those widowed before their children are grown).  He also appears to think that men are just beasts, with no affection for their children stronger than their animal urges.  And that if men have a choice, they’ll gay-marry instead of straight marry.

Methinks he doth protest to much.

The divorce rate for first marriages in this country is 40 percent.  There’s a zillion reasons for this, but one of them is that we, as a society, expect every marriage to be the same, and to be all things to all people.  It’s a one-stop shop for sex, love, companionship, children, and household chores.

There are millions – maybe billions – of people with whom I could have enjoyable sex.  There aren’t, unfortunately, billions or even millions of people with whom I could have a great conversation every day, a fun time raising a child day by day, tell jokes, and count on to be there when things get tough.  I assume that, when I got married, my family and friends were hoping I’d have a marriage like that, not fretting about what we’d be doing with our genitals.

If you don’t want to marry a gay or lesbian person, don’t (although you may want to have your gaydar checked first).  If you don’t want to have gay or lesbian friends, don’t.  If you don’t want to have gay or lesbian family members – well, good luck with that.

Martha Thomases, Media Goddess, hopes the law passes on Friday and this column is unnecessary.