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Marijuana Trumps Conventional Wisdom, by Mike Gold – Brainiac On Banjo #241

September 19, 2011 Mike Gold 8 Comments

The headline in USA Today said it all, and it blew my mind. “Study: Pot smokers less obese than non-users.

Well, there’s another holy crap moment for you. Back in 1973 the Firesign Theater released one of their best records, Everything You Know Is Wrong. Part of its appeal lies in the unimpeachable correctness of that title. I’m a fan of history and from time to time I’ve been involved in reality. You can find some stuff I made up back in the 1960s and 1970s in history books, other stuff in books about urban legends. Whereas I’m actually proud of that – old Yippies never die, we just disappear into a cloud of smoke – I’ve got to tell you, the greatest truism of all time was given to us in John Ford’s The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance. Print the legend, indeed.

Back to the point. The USA Today piece told of two separate studies of more than 50,000 Americans. The obesity rate for pot smokers, defined as folks who smoke pot at least three days per week, was 14% to 17%. Those who did not touch weed had an obesity rate of 22% to 25%. That difference is substantial.

If you’re surprised and confused by this, imagine how the folks at Nabisco feel. They offer 54 different types of Oreo products. Somebody must be buying Triple Double Oreos. Go figure, I thought it was dopers.

The results of these studies are found in the September 15th issue of The American Journal of Epidemiology. At first, the lead researcher thought they made a mistake. Psychiatrist Yann Le Strat told Reuters “It doesn’t mean that marijuana does actually help you lose weight, but perhaps there is a component that does.” Umm… okay, but if there’s a component of marijuana that helps us lose weight then, umm, marijuana actually does help us lose weight, right?

But I think I know where Le Strat is headed here: if we can isolate that component, then Big Pharm might be able to manufacture it and sell it at ten times the price of weed and please the professional busy-bodies by not making it a pleasurable experience. Just as wayward girls who have sex must accept their punishment by being burdened with child, fatties like me must accept our punishment by not being allowed to enjoy our cure.

Of course, the by-product of isolating marijuana’s alleged weight-losing property is that it will make Big Pharm moguls all the more wealthy. And instead of crossing the Mexican border to buy weed, we’ll be buying diet pills.

This is the place where I’m supposed to cite Woody Allen’s last decent movie, Sleeper. But I shan’t. Woody meant that to be a comedy, not a documentary. But all this does is add to my confusion about what’s healthy and what is not. I fully expect to live long enough to find out that marijuana both causes cancer and cures it as well.

My only problem with weed is that you smoke it. Eating marijuana is only one-third as effective, and it’s a lot less sociable. But at least these studies explain something that has sorely vexed me for years. Now I know why Bill Maher is so damn skinny.

Pick your poison, and print the legend.

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Political activist and social gadfly Mike Gold also kicks rock’n’blues ass each week on Weird Sounds Inside The Gold Mind; streaming four times a week on www.getthepointradio.com and available at that same venue on demand for those opposed to sitting in one place for two hours. He also joins MDWers Martha Thomases and Michael Davis as a weekly columnist at www.comicmix.com

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Comments

  1. Martha Thomses
    September 19, 2011 - 1:38 pm

    I don’t understand this study to say that marijuana makes one lose weight. Rather, it might prevent obesity. You don’t need to lose it if you don’t gain it in the first place.

    And I totally get that. If one’s sense of taste is heightened, one might be satisfied with less. Also, as someone who tends to overeat when I’m anxious, I would be less likely to binge when my anxiety is eased in a non-food way.

  2. Mike Gold
    September 20, 2011 - 6:45 am

    Martha, I think there are other reasons people smoke weed beyond simple weight loss. I’ve never been satisfied with less… in any aspect of my life. I certainly agree with your comment regarding anxiety.

    David, to quote that oft-quoted and highly relevant Gil Shelton line: “Dope will get you through times with no money better than money will get you through times with no dope.” That was true 40+ years ago, that is true today.

  3. Rick Oliver
    September 20, 2011 - 10:23 am

    Damn. I was going to use the Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers quote.

    And I like quite a few Woody Allen films after Sleeper, including Love and Death, Annie Hall, Mighty Aphrodite, and one of my favorite Woody Allen lines is from Manhattan Murder Mystery: “There’s nothing wrong with you that can’t be cured with a little Prozac and a polo mallet.” Maybe not as funny as “I’m not afraid of dying. I just don’t want to be there when it happens” or “Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach. Those who can’t teach, teach gym.”

  4. Mike Gold
    September 20, 2011 - 11:55 am

    Hmmmm. We disagree. Annie Hall was dated by the time they took the print out of the can. Many (not all) of his movies have at least a few great lines, but the post Annie Hall stuff is too self-absorbed and, I know this sounds weird from me, really cynical in very dark ways.

    I’m not suggesting all Woody Allen movies must be funny. But he has a gift for comedy that he’s severely underutalized. Woody is a hell of an actor — look at some of the movies he acted in but did not direct: The Front (a truly great movie), Sunshine Boys, even What’s New Pussycat?.

  5. Rick Oliver
    September 20, 2011 - 1:34 pm

    Don’t forget Casino Royale! Well, okay, maybe it’s best to forget it.

  6. Mike Gold
    September 21, 2011 - 6:15 am

    I kinda like that second version of Casino Royale. Completely out of control to be sure and more a series of linked skits than an actual movie, but it has a great cast (amazing, actually) and some funny bits.

    Each of the first two Casino Royales (Casinos Royale?) had absolutely first-rate casting in the role of La Chiffre — Peter Lorre in the original (and most faithful, except for making Jimmy Bond an American and Felix Leiter British) and Orson Welles in the John Huston/Woody Allen directorfest.

  7. Rick Oliver
    September 22, 2011 - 8:42 am

    Yes, I confess that the second version is one of my guilty pleasures.

  8. Mike Hawk
    December 19, 2011 - 10:11 am

    Martha, it’s simple.

    Marijuana helps you lose weight by regulating your metabolism.

Comments are closed.