Empty Suit Beaten By Empty Chair, by Mike Gold – Brainiac On Banjo #290 |@MDWorld

September 3, 2012 Mike Gold 0 Comments

Now that the Republicans have had their party, I sure hope they’re dancing in the streets enjoying whatever post-convention bump they got. Unless something amazing happens – remember Gerry Ford telling Jimmy Carter “There is no Soviet dominance of Eastern Europe” back in 1976? – there are no more votes to turn.

All the Democrats have to do is hold their line on women’s issues, particularly college women who are real thrilled about their Paul Ryan Medicare denial of service alert. The black vote will organize against Jim Crow, which may very well be the most significant event to hit the black political community since Strom Thurmond led the Dixiecrats out of the Democratic Party. The Democratic Party has to get all old-timey about making sure their everybody who needs to has their photo IDs; as of this writing, the courts in Florida and Texas are nullifying those disenfranchising laws.

Romney’s commercials showing us how it is the sweat and blood of the Trust Babies who really built this country without help from the government are not going to inspire even those few white male workers who still have their pensions and health insurance. They’ll continue to vote for Mitt against the HNIC, but their wives will not. Their wives pay the bills. They see the medical bills. They see their aging parents’ medical bills and they know what life would be like without Medicare. And they do not like the GOP’s hands up their girl-parts, whatever their personal views on abortion. White guys are dumb; we vote our football fantasies. Women have spent their entire lives looking at white guys act out their football fantasies and they will vote.

Condi Rice did a nice job at the convention, delivering the only speech worth listening to. But she is not going to make up that 10 point spread on the women’s vote. Condi is not going to make up that 100 point spread on the black vote. The black vote has a lot on the line: they’re fighting Jim Crow, they’re holding on to their turf, they’re dealing for their kids’ future. Both groups, as well as Latinos, seniors and homosexuals, know these Trust Babies are their enemy and they will not tolerate removal of suffrage rights. In a fair count – always an issue when it comes to the modern Republicans – it’s hard to win when you’re behind with all of those groups of Americans.

It’s hard to see how Clint Eastwood’s wacky chair stunt helps the cause. When it comes to turning votes, Clint appeals to… whom? Clint’s airtime was at the expense of Mario Rubio (so much for pimping the Latino vote) and of the candidate. And… for what? So we can see Dirty Harry do battle with an empty chair? Aside from the fact that Astaire did it better, in the real debates Empty Suit Mitt will be taking on a chair with a Harvard Law School grad sitting in it.

The day after the convention ended, who did you see on teevee the most – Mario Rubio, Mitt Romney, or Clint Eastwood? Clint’s weird half-time show won’t get them a single new vote and, at best, he replaces the yawns generated by Jon Voight’s paranoid babble of lies. Now the Republicans have a harder time running against the Hollywood liberals. They’ve got their own Hollywood stars. Big names like Clint Eastwood. And Jon Voight. And Jon Lovitz, Cheryl Ladd, Tom Selleck, Bill Engvall, Stephen Baldwin, Heather Locklear, James Caan, Victoria Jackson and Jeff Foxworthy.

Wow.

Unless Obama screws up, bankers start leaping off of buildings or the current SEAL Swiftboating clicks, we just saw Mitt’s best days in the campaign. The equally-useless Democratic Convention will happen, Barack Obama will get his bump, and the debates will happen. Mitt won’t push for more than the minimum number of debates because he can’t be held accountable for being the architect of Obamacare and he doesn’t want to talk about his taxes or his massive exporting of American jobs or his party’s taking a massive diarrheic dump on women, or for his lack of commitment to anything other than getting elected. Nobody cares about the Republican Platform or the Democratic Platform; nobody’s mind is going to change, and once again the swing vote won’t show up.

If the black vote and the old people go out and get their IDs, if women come out to vote – particularly college-age women who well understand exactly what they have on the line – Obama will win by the usual two points in the popular vote and at least a fart in the electoral college.

Mitt simply doesn’t have the noses… if he can’t steal it, he won’t win it.

A tip of the Gold-dome to John Ostrander for access to the graphic.

Mike Gold performs the weekly two-hour Weird Sounds Inside The Gold Mind ass-kicking rock, blues and blather radio show on The Point, www.getthepointradio.com , every Sunday at 7:00 PM Eastern, rebroadcast three times during the week (check the website above for times) and available On Demand at the same place. He also joins Martha Thomases and Michael Davis as a weekly columnist at www.comicmix.com where he pontificates on matters of four-color.