Bitch, Are You Out Of Your Goddamn Mind? by Michael Davis – Straight No Chaser #296 | @MDWorld

December 14, 2012 Michael Davis 4 Comments

I heard from an ex-girlfriend the other day. She called a cell number I’ve had for 10 years, but I seldom, if ever, use it to call or check messages. It’s my backup cell, in case my main cell decides to become a piece of shit and give me problems, like my former and replacement iPhone 4S.

I have not answered this cell in at least 4 years. It’s never on, and if someone does not have my main cell number, I don’t need or want to talk to them.

When I answered, she said, “Hey, I miss you, let’s grab a drink” as if we had just seen each other yesterday, and I was still hitting that. For the un-hip (GOP) white people out there, “hitting that” is a term used in the hood that describes a sexual encounter. It does not mean “domestic violence” — that term may be “beating the taste out of his/her mouth,” “breaking a foot off in someone’s ass,” or some other colorful phrase.

I was amazed that she felt so familiar with me, as I ended our relationship the day I discovered she was a pathological liar, and a — how should I put this…wait, I know — slut.  I ended the relationship the moment I found out that she had slept with a woman (which, if invited, I would have been fine with, I mean DUH) and two guys.

But wait, there’s more — later that evening, she called and asked me to pay one of her bills, completely ignoring what she had done and how fresh (THE SAME DAY) the wound was. She was completely without any empathy, and she was absolutely perplexed as to why I ended the call with “Bitch, are you out of your goddamn mind?”

Save your comments regarding my use of the word “bitch” and women. This bitch was a bitch, period.

So, what do I say to her almost 8 years later, when she called and said she missed me?

“Bitch, are you out of your goddamn mind?”

On the flipside, I had a girl end a relationship with me because she assumed I had done something that I had not. She found out I was not guilty of what she thought, but she was still cold and distant to me. A few days later, she apologized for her actions, and we decided to be just friends. A day or so after that, she told me that some other guy had “hit that.” She told me this completely without any empathy, and it hit me like a brick. Yes, we were now just friends, and like an asshole, I asked her if someone had hit that and she told me the truth.

O-fucking-UCH.

But…I think she realized later that she was a bit harsh with her tone and choice of words. When we spoke later, she was considerably nicer. In fact, she went out of her way to make me feel better.

We had indeed broken up, but NO man wants to know his ex was getting freaky with another guy within days of the break up. But it wasn’t her fault, and I came to realize she was just being honest with me, and the coldness in which she said it was most likely my imagination.

But…she’s the only woman in my life I’ve let stay in my life after any lack of empathy.

I’ve broken up with a crazy-ass stalker and tried my best not to be cold and distant.

“Look, if you keep stalking me and ruining my life, I’m going to have to break my foot off in your ass…I don’t want to, really, but I will sweetheart.”

See? I said this to a crazy stalker, who called my ex-wife the day before my wedding and went to crazy-town on the call. I don’t like being mean and/or cold to any woman, regardless of the circumstances, but once someone shows a lack of consideration, empathy, feelings, or compassion towards me, I’m out like a light.

The current venom coming from the GOP about cutting entitlements (re: POOR PEOPLE) but not taxing the rich a little more not only lacks empathy for those who don’t have a trust fund, but it feels like they just don’t give a fuck. Damn, at least pretend to give a fuck, pretend to care about the poor, women, and minorities.

John Boehner and his GOP teammates are going home for Christmas two full weeks before the holiday and staying out until after the New Year. They are getting the fuck out of Dodge, leaving the gas on, with no regards as to who gets killed when the fucking fiscal house goes up in flames.

This is what the GOP means when they say “country first”?

Boehner, Obama won. Did you not get the memo? Or to put it another way — bitch, are you out of your goddamn mind?