Today is last day of the world. By tonight, we will all be dead. Pity…there are so many things I’ve yet to do, so many Asian girls I’ve yet to meet…pity.

As Master Of The Universe, I could put a stop to the end of the world, but alas, I think I won’t.

Oh well. Before I die, I’d like to say thanks to the wonderful MDW family for making me a part of the last day you will be alive.

That means a lot. Really, that means a lot.

It’s funny — all my life I’ve feared death, but somehow knowing that everyone else is going to die with me makes it OK. Now that I think of it, knowing that the Tea Party will be completely wiped from existence puts a wide smile on my face.

Wow.

Look at that, will you?

I’m facing death with a smile.

There’s something I never thought I would say, much less do.

You know, this end-of-the-world thing is starting to look downright cool! No more crazy motherfucking Tea Party, no more Uncle Toms like Allen West or Herman Cain. No more Westboro Baptist Church, no more bullshit from the Right, and no more stupidity from the NRA.

Shit! Now I’m looking forward to the end of the world!

In the words of George W. Bush, bring it on!

But, on the other hand…

No more life, no more bacon, no more hot Asian girls…

Damn, now I’m conflicted.

No more Tea Party, Allen West, Herman Cain, or Westboro Baptist Church…but also, no more hot Asian girls….shit.

Shit, shit, shit, shitshitshitshitshitshitshit…SHIT!!

I guess as Master Of The Universe, I’ll have to let the world go on for a few more decades.

No, not just because of my selfish wants and needs, no — I would not be a good person if I just let the world go on, just because I wanted something.

No!

I am a good person, so I’m going to let the world go on, with the stupidity of the NRA, the Uncle Tom foolery of Allen West and Herman Cain, and the sheer craziness of the Tea Party and Westboro Baptist Church, not because of my needs, but because there are good things in the world as well as good people that need to be saved.

There are people in the world that exist just to help others. There are people in the world that put themselves second and others first. So it’s with them I mind that I let the world go on.

Don’t thank me — I do what I do because the world has good people that stand for something other than tax breaks for the poor. The world has people who won’t cut services to the elderly, so they can protect the poor.

I do what I do because of them…and the hot Asian girls I have yet to meet.

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