Be an extra on a party boat celebrating Cinco de Cuatro (yep) for a night shoot while Liza Minnelli’s laughter carries all the way from the shore across the water to your eardrums on the boat. Make sure that the boat – despite it being September 2012 – is lit up with Christmas lights strung into a questionable immigration montage.
I know. I should have known this would help me. But others in my circle instead had the wisdom to know that this was the best way to get over my sadness. I got to use my punk show skill set one more time. Work starts at midnight. Wear lipstick.
I didn’t sign a non-disclosure because I was so deeply below-the-line that I wasn’t worth the cost of the two sheets of copy paper. But they did give me a glow stick. Least I could do is not talk about the plot points.
Now that the entire season has rolled out (and has been pirated an estimated 100,000 times in the last 24 hours), I guess I can go as far as writing that for a brief time I was living in a dream.
Rather, I was living in a joke.
We were told to show up dressed for a Mexican party. When we arrived, we found that the boats had been dressed up for a Mexican party, too.
Apologies for the bad cellphone pic I took (see above). I wasn’t sure if it was allowed. So of course I took it anyway, but tried to conceal it. To clarify, this is a picture of a pirate boat with the Statue of Liberty holding maracas.
She was ready for company…
Our skipper just had to keep turning left in the marina for about seven hours. Biggest challenge was not running over the paddle boarders lit up with strings of light and wearing sombreros while they rowed their piñatas through the boat parade. I’m sorry. I’m doing the best I can to report this accurately.
Liza Minnelli is interesting. People talk about IT. She has IT. The distance between our boat and the shore was probably a solid city block. In the middle of a crowd scene staged in the middle of a street festival, she visibly stood out. What astronomical body is more powerful than a star? A nebula? So she is a nebula that throws off red, black, and white light. Or whatever is the color of her costume that is set against her Berlin black hair and alabaster skin. The sound of her voice easily carried over the music (?) of multiple faux mariachi bands.
Not certain why they filmed a Mexican street fair scene with only a bunch of white people. Don’t tell me! I haven’t watched the episode yet! To the pirates, shame on you! You are why we poor wee extras don’t get paid!!
After a few hours, we became jaded and too cool to work con nada dinero. We asked the skipper to pull the yacht to the dock. We hopped off and walked over to the In-N-Out food truck. Despite it being right by Liza, we didn’t want to wait in a line. So we got the Range Rover out of valet parking and drove back to the O.C. for pancakes…That is EXACTLY how Hemingway would have written it.
…Did you know that I am divorced? Standard reasons, but an interesting sidenote: The ex and I used to be investors in a development that his best friend was building. His best friend was a Phi Beta Kappa from USC. His best friend was a coke addict. The building fund went up his nose.
The name of the development was Sudden Valley.
Coincidence? I think not.
Segue? No such thing.
NEXT TIME: No clue…
Picture of a Cinco de Cuatro boat, from my cell phone.