Yes, yes, it’s been big fun teasing New Yorkers about our upcoming Democratic primary, featuring Eliot Spitzer and Carlos Danger. We certainly have our fair share of sex-obsessed candidates, don’t we?
Still, I gotta tell ya, we’ve got nothing on Virginia Republicans.
The Republican candidate for governor, Ken Cuccinelli, wants to outlaw sodomy, in a bill which defines both oral and anal sex as criminal activities. This is such an important part of his campaign that he’s put up a website to tell the voters of Virginia how great he is on this issue.
If you click on the link, you’ll notice that Cuccinelli defines himself as supporting sodomy laws because they are a useful tool for prosecuting pedophiles. To the extent that pedophiles might commit these acts, I suppose that makes sense. However, if I properly remember my mother’s warnings, pedophiles also offer their prey candy, and Cuccinelli isn’t trying to outlaw Snickers.
Sex with children is wrong. Any kind of sex. There is really no reason to specifically define any particular act as most criminal. Especially when, according to this article, the would-be governor also wants to charge adults who commit these acts in the privacy of their own homes, with no children anywhere near. To quote:”But as a state senator in 2004, Cuccinelli voted against a bill excluding private consensual acts from the law.”
Is this really a platform that will win the statehouse for the GOP? When he insists that oral sex is a crime against nature, do people look at his wife with pity and compassion?
Does Ken Cuccinelli really stand up in front of town hall meetings and say that, if he’s elected, blow jobs will be outlawed?
(And then only outlaws will have blow jobs.)
There are, apparently, moron Democrats who have issues with non-heterosexual sex, and they, like their GOP counterparts, are bigoted idiots. As near as I can tell,however, they are bigoted idiots who were appointed to their jobs, not people who had to run for office and, in the process, explain themselves to an electorate.
I mean, trans-vaginal probes are one thing, but I imagine that even the most socially conservative Christian would like to get his dick sucked. And, if he’s lucky, a finger or two in his ass at the same time. It might be the only time such a man ever agreed with Lawrence O’Donnell.
On the plus side, Cuccinelli’s sexual extremism seems to be ruining him in the polls, at least at this writing. His defeat could mean that Virginians have better access to health care, something that will make a tremendous difference to their quality of life. And that’s the closest I can get to saying something supportive of the Democratic candidate, Terry McAuliffe, an otherwise lackluster candidate at best.
Today is my wedding anniversary. I was fortunate to fall in love with a man who shared my taste for sodomy. I often said that sodomy kept our marriage together. I don’t see how anyone can claim to be both pro-family and anti-sodomy. Such a position displays a real ignorance about how families work.
In fact, the Democrats should run on a platform of better health care, a living minimum wage, and more (consensual) sodomy. I’ll get to work on the bumper stickers right away.
Media Goddess Martha Thomases doesn’t even have a car, much less bumpers.