Here we are Pop Art number 150. As my loyal readers (hi mom!) know, for the first 78 columns I had a co-writer, the wonderful and talented Chris Toia. He moved back to New York last spring but is returning today for a comprehensive breakdown of the relative merits of New York and Los Angeles. [...]
Dear Art, I might be in a bit of a spot. Sure I run the number one network in the country but there’s a huge problem with my number one show. Two and a Half Men has been hit hard by the antics of our outspoken star, Charlie Sheen. I know you’ve said you won’t [...]
Dear Art, I never thought I’d be the one writing a letter. After the last 78 weeks of receiving letters from some of the world’s most famous celebrities and politicians, I’m writing to let you know that this will be my final column. You’ve always been the Paul to my John, the Diddy to my [...]
Dear Art & Chris, I know you guys are big fans of my music (the label has got people everywhere). I was wondering if you guys got a chance to see my Steppin’ Lasers tour this spring? It wrapped last month. It was to promote my new album We Are Lasers. If you missed I [...]
Dear Art & Chris, This week I missed a court date and, as a result, have been forced to wear an ankle monitor at all times to insure my sobriety. In addition I will be subject to random drug tests. To top it off, even with this I could still be found in violation of [...]
Dear Art & Chris, I am facing what might be the most difficult decision of my life. I am a free agent this offseason and I could play for any basketball team in the world. No matter where I go I will be paid an astronomical amount of money. The problem is I don’t know [...]
Dear Art & Chris, You guys might have heard about some trouble I got into last week. The cops say I had sex with a 16 year-old prostitute. I have recently admitted to paying her for sex but I didn’t have sex with her and I had no idea she was 16. I don’t really [...]
Dear Art and Chris, Get a load of this congress huh? I’m sure you’re aware that I’m as big of an opponent to Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, as all the fairies and queens in the military. Over the past year I’ve already amended the rules to make it more difficult to spot a queer and [...]
Dear Art & Chris, New Jersey sometimes gets a bad rap. That said, as governor of this fine state I have to take issue with the study that came out this week. The American Journal of Psychiatry published a report that listening to a New Jersey accent in one’s formative years can significantly depress emotional [...]
Dear Art & Chris, This week the state legislature passed a particularly strong anti-immigration bill, one thought to be the most severe in the country. It would require police officers to ask for identification for anyone they suspect of being an illegal immigrant. Not carrying identifying documents would be a misdemeanor. Should I sign this [...]
Here’s a recap of our last two columns: A hydrogen bomb is set to explode in Los Angeles and only two people can stop it, Art and Chris. The terrorists want Art and Chris to defect from Michael Davis World to join them in fringe publishing. Art and Chris have murdered dozens of people in [...]
To recap here’s what happened on out last column: Art and Chris have had their hydrogen bomb, and more importantly their column, stolen by terroists. Field Agent Art Tebbel was dispatched to deal with a warehouse full of terrorists in Santa Monica while tech expert Chris Toia has been instrumental in providing intelligence. Art just [...]
Dear Art & Chris, This week I had to make a very difficult decision. After this season we will not be producing 24 anymore. We think it’s time to call it a day and focus our efforts on a potential movie. While this decision was made jointly between myself and star Keifer Sutherland I can’t [...]
Dear Art & Chris, We are writing to you, our past selves, from the future with a dire warning. The year is 2028 and everything the Republicans said would happen has happened. The socialist takeover of the free market system, out of control healthcare costs, the death of social security and Medicare, all the crazy [...]
Dear Art & Chris, I’m sure by now you’ve heard about the case of Constance McMillan. She’s a high school senior in Mississippi. She wanted to bring her date to the senior prom so they cancelled the prom. I should mention at this point that she’s a lesbian. And she wanted to wear a tuxedo. [...]
