Thanks for the Memories, by Martha Thomases – Brilliant Disguise

November 28, 2009 Martha Thomases 4 Comments

As I write this, it is not yet Thanksgiving.  As you read this, it’s a few days after.  At the moment, I’m trying to eat less, in an effort (one I know to be futile) to feel less bloated after the holiday meal.  You probably have a refrigerator full of leftovers you can no longer stand to contemplate.

Yes, it’s the holiday season.  The time of year when we remember how lucky we are to have our families and friends, and the myriad blessings that we enjoy. Columnists, eager to cash in on the gratitude bandwagon, write sanctimonious platitudes about their spiritual bounty.

It’s drivel, and I say the hell with it.

I love my family, and my friends.  I assume you love yours.  I know that, as someone with a roof over my head and food in the refrigerator (and a refrigerator!), I’m luckier than millions of other people in the world.  You probably are, too.  I’m healthy for my age.  Yada yada yada.  I’m grateful for all these things, but it’s boring (and a bit sanctimonious) to write about them.

Let’s talk about the more trivial things that spark up our lives, and make living in 2009 really fun.

• The non-trivial Dr. Davis and his assistant, the lovely and non-trivial Tatiana give me this forum to rant ever week and you, Constant Readers, are kind enough to drop in.  I think you, and New York City thanks you, since this keeps me from walking around in public, screaming at the top of my lungs.

• My iPhone Kindle App.  The small screen means small pages, so I can feel like I’m getting a lot of reading done between subway stops.  I’m especially enjoying this book,  a delicious concoction of anthropology, sociology, theology and history.  I’m sure I’m the only MTA customer reading a prayer of praise to an ancient god who demonstrates his power by “ejaculating a shower of gold.”

• The rest of the country has gained so much weight that I look reasonable.

* My son, the genius, is so brilliant and talented and overall awesome that he was in an improv class with one of my major movie star crushes.  Not only is he really cute and funny, but, as we know from his appearance in this movie, he used to be fat, and so he may have compassion for those of us who still struggle.  And I got to meet him!  And he kissed me!  On the cheek!

• If you haven’t already, you must see this movie.  It’s like what Mark Millar and Guy Ritchie would do if they were Americans, broke, and couldn’t have any big-name stars.

• We have a president who isn’t embarrassing.  Sure, I’d like him to be more aggressive about job creation and health care.  I’d like him to have more of my opinions generally.  But at least he can speak in complete sentences, as if he’s actually thinking and not trying to remember the correct answers Darth Cheney taught him to memorize.

*  Do you read The Awl every day?  You should; they’re hilarious.  For a sampler, try this seasonal round-up.

• With the aforementioned genius child grown up and living far away, I don’t have to make a big deal out of the holidays.  I knit things for people all year, not based on how much I love them, but how much I feel like making something.  If they get it on the holidays, that’s nice, but I send things out when they’re finished, not based on the calendar. ( In fact, if I’ve promised you socks, you should hope to get them before Spring.) As a result, I am spared the hellish experience of trying to find gifts this weekend.

Media Goddess Martha Thomases would gladly count her blessings instead of sheep, but she likes to dream about wool.