You’re The President Charlie Brown, by Mike Gold – Brainiac On Banjo #155
We all know the routine. Lucy Van Pelt holds the football, Charlie Brown stands ready to kick it thinking “well, maybe this time she won’t pull the ball away at the last minute and I won’t fall on my ass.” So he starts his run. And he gets to the ball. And Lucy pulls it away. Leaving Barack Obama flat on his ass.
Mr. President, pal, here’s some news. Begging for bipartisanship is worse than trying to invent a perpetual motion machine. Neither can accomplish anything, and in your case you’re going to continue to get blamed for not being bipartisan anyway.
We know this because we’ve been paying attention for the past year. Trying to meet these people halfway hasn’t accomplished anything except make you look weak and, now, foolish. All the Republicans have to do is block everything and blame you for not succeeding and they will win back the Senate this fall, and maybe the House. And the White House in two years.
They don’t have to do a damn thing. On the other hand, you have to be the president. And I think it’s damn well about time you did so. You should start by using your political power to whip your “fellow” Democrats into line. LBJ was a master at this. So was FDR. And good, bad, and indifferent, they got a lot accomplished.
You’ve been standing still for a year. That makes for an easy target. Worse, you’ve compromised against yourself, caving in to facilitate bipartisanship, giving away the store in order to get nothing done anyway.
We had a “Decider” who lacked the mental faculties to do it right. Now we’ve got a guy who’s clearly one of the smartest people around, except he can’t decide squat. Alice Cooper said it best, Mr. President. No More Mister Nice Guy.
Here’s where the electorate is going to hand you your ass. You promised we’d be out of Guantánamo by now. We’re still there. You promised you’d end Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. Well, don’t ask. You made health care the focus of your administration, turning it into a Crusade while, at the same time, dumping critical provisions overboard in order to settle for a pyrrhic victory – and you couldn’t even get that through. You said you’d pull us out of Iraq, but you haven’t said squat about how that’s going while you’ve been sending 30,000 more young Americans to a war in Afghanistan that brought down the Soviet empire. That’s beginning to look like Dick Nixon’s slight-of-hand in Cambodia.
Dude, you’ve had a crappy year. Pull yourself up off the canvas and man up to the job. Kick ass; be the person you said you’d be in the campaign. We don’t need visionaries after Election Day. We need leaders.
Here’s what you must remember. A sign of insanity is repeatedly doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome. That football Lucy was holding? That football was owned by Charlie Brown.
Mike Gold performs the weekly two-hour Weird Sounds Inside The Gold Mind ass-kicking bizarro music and blather show starts up Sundays at 7:00 PM Eastern on www.getthepointradio.com, replayed the following Thursdays at 10:00 PM Eastern. Likewise, his Weird Scenes Inside The Gold Mind rants pop up every on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday exclusively at www.getthepointradio.com. The regular Weird Scenes Inside The Gold Mind rants continue every Monday and Friday on The Point podcasts, available right here at www.michaeldavisworld.com, as well as at www.comicmix.com, www.getthepointradio.com, www.zzcomics.com, and www.ravenwolfstudios.com. You can subscribe to The Point podcasts at iTunes by searching under “The Point Radio.”
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February 1st, 2010 at 2:17 am
Mike -
I honestly hope that President Obama reads this! He is the best of the best, a king among men, but he has sustained failure after failure and is at risk of being permanently marginalized. In poker, there is a tragic circumstance when you can hold all the best cards and have the biggest stack of chips, and leave the table empty handed. It’s called a bad beat. This is what President Obama is risking. Our leader needs to play poker as well as chess to be what our country needs in this time.
February 1st, 2010 at 9:07 am
Under the circumstances, blaming the Republicans for Obama’s problems is a big stretch. Obama and the Democratic-run Congress and their supermajority have pretty much ignored the Republicans over the past year. And much to their everlasting regret, in some cases, they’ve ignored the majority wishes of their constituents as well.
The only reason the President has FINALLY reached out to the Republicans is because voter revolt has FORCED him to at least give the illusion of bipartisan cooperation. Do you honestly believe he would have sat down and had such a meeting had Scott Brown NOT won the senate seat in Massachusetts?
Think about it. Prior to the recent pow wow, the White House had not reached out to the Republicans for anything, nor had Democratic leadership in Congress. Yet, with the exception of the stimulus bill passed early last year, even with the Democrats’ supermajority, nothing of note was getting accomplished. THAT’S where the real problem lies, and THAT’S why the voters are revolting.
(An aside: That reminds me of a “Wizard of Id” strip where a guard runs in and frantically tells the king, “The peasants are revolting,” and, well, you know what punchline comes next)
February 1st, 2010 at 9:30 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n8R1zDdoZWk
Allow me. Screw Joe Biden, Barack needs Samuel L. Jackson in the house.
February 1st, 2010 at 10:31 am
Aside from the bits about building more nuclear power plants (That THAT, greenpeace) I liked his points about calling the current political strategies of block everything and then complain that nothing got done onto the carpet. I sorely doubt that it’ll change, but it was nice to hear someone point out the elephant in the room.
That’s didn’t come out right…
February 1st, 2010 at 10:58 am
The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans in Congress is that the Democrats pretend to be concerned about the general welfare of the people, while the Republicans pretend to be concerned about big government. All any of them really care about is getting re-elected, which means appeasing their corporate sponsors — because it takes big money to buy a seat in Congress.
The Democratic Congress cobbled together a health insurance “reform” package that was written by the insurance companies for the insurance companies. They didn’t bother to consult the guys across the aisle or the people in the street.
February 1st, 2010 at 11:17 am
Interesting analysis, Rick. Sounds like you’re in agreement with Bill Maher, who said:
President Obama made a point the other day in speaking at the Republican retreat to say he wasn’t an ideologue, and while there was skepticism in his audience about whether that was true, there was agreement in both parties that not being an ideologue is a good thing.
Is it? Maybe the problem is that neither party has any ideology anymore — it’s just all about getting the money you need to run commercials at election time, and being against whatever the other party is for. For example, why is the decision to have the trial of Khalid “Shake Shake Shake” Mohammed in New York a Democratic position, and not having it in New York a Republican position? Republicans are usually the 24 loving macho warriors. Isn’t it the more macho position to be saying, “Damn right we’re going to try them at the scene of the crime! We’re going to make that bastard look at Ground Zero right out the window of the courtroom every day — we’re going to stick his nose in it like a dog who’s made a mess on the rug: ‘Look what you did! Bad dog! Bad!!’”? I can much more easily imagine Bill O’Reilly making that case than Obama.
And yet, because its the Democrats who suggested it, the Republicans automatically piss all over it and find themselves backing the opposite approach, then make up a bunch of stupid reasons why: it’ll fuck up traffic in Manhattan; it’ll be a platform for Mohammed to “mock” us.
Really? The big tough guys are afraid of this loser mocking us?
February 1st, 2010 at 12:48 pm
Maheras said:
“Obama and the Democratic-run Congress and their supermajority have pretty much ignored the Republicans over the past year.”
Wow. Not true at all. Is this something you’re repeating from your Uncle Rush?
February 1st, 2010 at 1:01 pm
Mike, you hit the nail on the head. “Maybe the problem is that neither party has any ideology anymore — it’s just all about getting the money you need to run commercials at election time, and being against whatever the other party is for.”
Politicians enjoy a cushy job, that only gets scary every couple years when the giant well starts running dry. They don’t care about the peons…people, sorry, who they “represent”. In this self-serving country, the only thing anyone in power answers to is their almighty dollar. Republicans and Democrats are far too busy teeter-tottering over control to give a good g-d damn about our country. They’ll bicker, and buck for position, and pose, and froth at the mouth, and filibuster before they ever shake hands and pass something that is relevant and helpful to the masses.
And why wouldn’t they? If they actually TRIED to make a difference, they could FAIL. And failure leads to having to look for a new job. Not one congressman or woman wants to do that. Easier to hide behind the party in vogue, and spit from the rafters. And sitting above them, in his giant mansion, is Barack Obama, but need only sit and pray people get enough jobs in the next 3 years to want to vote for him again. It’s all a giant game to them. If there was real care for our people, who die in our streets, or sit at home sick because they can’t afford to see a doctor… If they CARED about those people, they’d pass a f***ing law now and again.
But it’ll never be about what ACTUALLY happens in this country. It will forever be about what they promise us, and how much we blindly believe that it’ll happen.
February 1st, 2010 at 1:10 pm
Marc, that quote was from the dreaded Bill Maher. I don’t understand why politicians become politicians. I know more than a few who started out trying to help their community/nation/planet, but I swear the majority are just mammoth assholes with ADD who just need to be kept busy.
The Republicans’ attack on everything Obama is nothing new. Back when they had all three branches of government they defined “bipartisanship” as “you’re not being bipartisan if you’re disagreeing with us.” There’s no healthy exchange of ideas, no attempt at compromise and, in the case of the past twelve months, no proposals or counter-offers.
The Republican philosophy of Just Say No is a great way to tread water: the Democrats won’t be able to get anything done and the Republicans can point to the Dems and say they’re being ineffective. This works because, whereas Americans seem to hate Congress, they do like their own Congressmen.
February 1st, 2010 at 1:48 pm
“…whereas Americans seem to hate Congress, they do like their own Congressmen.”
Classic cognitive dissonance. A survey about the public schools found the vast majority of Americans thought there were serious problems with the public education system, but their own public schools were just fine.
February 1st, 2010 at 2:46 pm
Alan Coil wrote: “Wow. Not true at all. Is this something you’re repeating from your Uncle Rush?”
You crack me up! I never listen to Limbaugh, and the only time I have any idea of what he’s spouting off du jour is when some indignant leftist quotes him in some news story.
No, I say the White House and Democratic congressional leadership has not reached out much to the Republicans because it is apparently true. Congressional Republicans, almost to a person, have been complaining about that very fact on the taking-heads programs (on ALL networks) for eight months or more. Since the main legislative initiative during the bulk of that time was healthcare reform, and since the whole creative process for that bill was done behind closed doors, it seems pretty obvious to me that the Republicans have a valid beef. Hell, the sessions were even off limits to most DEMOCRATS in Congress.
Since you apparently disagree, show me examples in the past eight months or so where Obama consulted Republicans for anything meaningful, and where the Democrats included Republicans in the drafting process of some noteworthy bill.
February 1st, 2010 at 2:56 pm
Well actually, Russ, Obama has held numerous meetings with Republican leadership — meals at the White House and get-togethers at sundry venues. Most recent one was four days ago, when he attended the House Republicans’ retreat in Baltimore.
It would be nice if the Republicans actually offered any bills and counter-proposals instead of simply bitching. But it’s more safe to just say no.
Gotta watch out for those talking heads. Kick ‘em when they’re up, kick ‘em when they’re down, kick ‘em when they’re stiff, kick ‘em all around.
February 1st, 2010 at 4:21 pm
Mike wrote: “Well actually, Russ, Obama has held numerous meetings with Republican leadership — meals at the White House and get-togethers at sundry venues. Most recent one was four days ago, when he attended the House Republicans’ retreat in Baltimore.”
Have you ever been to a high-level social gathering? Seating is carefully prepared by protocol so that the people at and around the head table only consists of those who are annointed by the senior person’s gatekeeper. Such a social gathering is not at all conducive for, nor designed for, serious business discussions. Republicans could go the whole evening without getting much more than a handshake, or a few passing quips, from the president.
No, the only gathering I’ve seen in the past year approaching the intimacy level with the opposition of Obama’s recent appearance at the Republican retreat is, well, Obama’s recent appearance at the Republican retreat.
February 1st, 2010 at 5:03 pm
Mike wrote, “Here’s what you must remember. A sign of insanity is repeatedly doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome.”
Sums it up for me. At least in the last week Obama has shown small stirrings that he gets that part. As you wrote, his relentless pursuit of “bi-partisanship” has amounted to zip. The MA election might have done the trick of shaking the tree. Time will tell.
Whitney, as a girl who grew in Vegas and played for oh, 40 years or so, I like your association. I’d just add Obama needs to learn the art of bluffing and moving all in rather than being the chip and dipper.
February 2nd, 2010 at 3:36 pm
The GOP is retarded…oops.
February 3rd, 2010 at 9:57 pm
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