Fluffy, by Michael Davis – Straight No Chaser #153

February 6, 2010 Michael Davis 14 Comments

If you have not done so, please read Whitney Farmer’s last Un Pop Culture on this very website before reading this.

It’s 2 in the morning and I’m thinking about how much I hate to fly.

I had a meeting in San Francisco yesterday (Thursday) and that made it possible for me to drive. If it’s somewhere I can get to by train or car and it takes less than a day to get there, I’m driving or taking Amtrak.

I H A T E T O F L Y.

I LOVE to drive, I LOVE road trips. I listen to audio books or I dictate notes or ideas with my voice memo function on my iPhone or I sing along to my ‘road trip CD.’

It took me five hours to get to San Francisco; it took almost 10 hours to get back. For most of the return trip I was driving in a horrible driving rainstorm. As much smack as I talk I don’t take unnecessary risks with my life, so you would think I would dread driving in the rain.

No.

Not this time.

This time I welcomed the rain. Because of the rain my tears would be hidden.

My tears…over Fluffy.

Fluffy.

I’m sorry; I’m tearing up again. I need a few moments…

I’m back, where was I? Oh yeah, it’s 5 a.m. in the morning and I sit here…oh my god it’s starting again…I need another moment…

Fluffy.

It’s 7 a.m. in the morning and I can’t stop thinking about Fluffy. I met Fluffy in a toy store. I looked at her she looked at me and I HAD to have her. I took her home, right then. I would never meet someone and just take her home (well not lately) but it was not about anything sexual (not at first) Fluffy and I had just made a connection.

Fluffy and I talked and talked. All night. She likes comics, I like comics, she loves audio books I love audio books. She hates stupid asshole bastard conservatives…DITTO!!

I love Asian porn…

PORK!! I love Asian PORK not porn! She loves Asian PORK! The night we met we talked and talked and watched Asian pork until the morning…

That morning Fluffy and I fell in love.

We decided to share everything; there would be no secrets between us. I told her I was a loud mouthed bleeding heart liberal who also belongs to the N.R.A. She told me she was a Teddy Bear.

There were so many things we had in common like I said earlier. Our ‘share everything’ talk showed us clearly what our differences were.

I was black, she was white.

I was a human, she was a Teddy Bear.

I told her I was attracted to Asian women.

She told me she was made in China.

We made love until the next day.

How is that possible? Love my friend…love and she introduced me to something called ecstasy. Look, I don’t do drugs, I saw the ‘E’ on the pill and thought it was Excedrin…it did take away my headache.

We only knew each other for a day but we already had pet names for each other, I was her ‘Ebony Negro’ she was my ‘Fluffer.’

The end started when we went to a club that my EX-Friend Whitney runs. I could give a funk about Punk Music but my little white Asian Teddy Bear Fluffer loves that kind of music so we went.

Look, I’m BLACK I had no damn idea what a ‘mosh pit’ was. Some MF pushed me so I decked his punk ass.

His ‘punk’ ass.

That would be funny to me if my pain wasn’t so great. After I hit the guy Fluffy started yelling at me. She told me she was embarrassed by my behavior. We started yelling at each other and before I knew what was happening she called me her “Stupid Human Trick.”

I called her a cheap TY whore. Then I left her there in the mosh pit…next to the guy I decked.

I drove home and didn’t even think of Fluffy. I was obsessed with my steering wheel it felt like a velvet banana soaked in honey. That’s the reason I don’t do drugs.

I thought I was over Fluffy, but then I read Whitney’s bullshit account of how Fluffy was found. Whitney, do NOT be taken in by that ‘I’m just a cute TY Teddy Bear’ it’s ALL AN ACT! In ONE night she took my virtue, gave me drugs and stole from me.

Stole my heart.

No, Whitney don’t believe that, ‘I’m a collectable’ line it’s all bullshit what you have on your hands is a cold hearted little Bear Bitch.

BITCH.

BITCH.

I miss her SO much.