An Open Letter To The GOP, by Michael Davis – Straight, No Chaser #201
January 7, 2011 Michael Davis 28 Comments
Dear GOP,
My name is Michael Davis. I’m an African American man and I’d like to address your decision to repeal The President’s Health Care Bill.
Many African Americans did not have health care before this bill. I’m aware that many Americans in general did not have health care before this bill but for the sake of this letter I want to concentrate on Black People.
If you repeal health care we are going to repeal a few things also.
1.We will repeal ALL our contributions to music. You will be left with nothing except what you stole from Europe. EVERY American music genre came from black people.
From Rock & Roll to Hip Hop WE are responsible for.
EVERYTHING.
What’s Hip Hop? It’s what’s YOUR kids are listening to.
Get ready to get your polka grove on. Oh, you can have country music to.
2. We will repeal our style. What’s the African American style? It’s what YOUR kids are wearing.
3. We will repeal our involvement in sports. That means TWO things; Hockey season will have to last all year and YOU ARE FUCKED. Let me be a bit clearer for the stupid
(Michelle Bachmann) among you.
Football. FUCKED.
Baseball. FUCKED.
Basketball. Do I really have to spell THAT out to you? Oh I forgot, Michelle Bachmann…
FUCKED!!!
Your kids can grow up wanting to be Bobby Riggs. Yes, you can keep Tennis and Golf but the Williams sisters and Tiger will not be playing so good luck with that. They are just the best in the world at what they do. Soooooo, I guess it’s all NASCAR all the time eh?
4. We will repeal every invention by a black person that includes but is not limited to:
- Air conditioning unit: Frederick M. Jones; July 12, 1949
- Almanac: Benjamin Banneker; Approx 1791
- Auto cut-off switch: Granville T. Woods; January 1,1839
- Auto fishing devise: G. Cook; May 30, 1899
- Automatic gear shift: Richard Spikes; February 28, 1932
- Baby buggy: W.H. Richardson; June 18, 1899
- Bicycle frame: L.R. Johnson; Octber 10, 1899
- Biscuit cutter: A.P. Ashbourne; November 30, 1875
- Blood plasma bag: Charles Drew; Approx. 1945
- Cellular phone: Henry T. Sampson; July 6, 1971
- Chamber commode: T. Elkins; January 3, 1897
- Clothes dryer: G. T. Sampson; June 6, 1862
- Curtain rod: S. R. Scratton; November 30, 1889
- Curtain rod support: William S. Grant; August 4, 1896
- Door knob: O. Dorsey; December 10, 1878
- Door stop: O. Dorsey; December 10, 1878
- Dust pan: Lawrence P. Ray; August 3, 1897
- Egg beater: Willie Johnson; February 5, 1884
- Electric lampbulb: Lewis Latimer; March 21, 1882
- Elevator: Alexander Miles; October 11, 1867
- Eye protector: P. Johnson; November 2, 1880
- Fire escape ladder: J. W. Winters; May 7, 1878
- Fire extinguisher: T. Marshall; October 26, 1872
- folding bed: L. C. Bailey; July 18, 1899
- Folding chair: Brody & Surgwar; June 11, 1889
- Fountain pen: W. B. Purvis; January 7, 1890
- Furniture caster: O. A. Fisher; 1878
- Gas mask: Garrett Morgan; October 13, 1914
- Golf tee: T. Grant; December 12, 1899
- Guitar: Robert F. Flemming, Jr. March 3, 1886
- Hair brush: Lydia O. Newman; November 15,18–
- Hand stamp: Walter B. Purvis; February 27, 1883
- Horse shoe: J. Ricks; March 30, 1885
- Ice cream scooper: A. L. Cralle; February 2, 1897
- Improv. sugar making: Norbet Rillieux; December 10, 1846
- Insect-destroyer gun: A. C. Richard; February 28, 1899
- Ironing board: Sarah Boone; December 30, 1887
- Key chain: F. J. Loudin; January 9, 1894
- Lantern: Michael C. Harvey; August 19, 1884
- Lawn mower: L. A. Burr; May 19, 1889
- Lawn sprinkler: J. W. Smith; May 4, 1897
- Lemon squeezer: J. Thomas White; December 8, 1893
- Lock: W. A. Martin; July 23, 18–
- Lubricating cup: Ellijah McCoy; November 15, 1895
- Lunch pail: James Robinson; 1887
- Mail box: Paul L. Downing; October 27, 1891
- Mop: Thomas W. Stewart; June 11, 1893
- Peanut butter: George Washington Carver; 1896
- Pencil sharpener: J. L. Love; November 23, 1897
- Record player arm: Joseph Hunger Dickenson January 8, 1819
- Refrigerator: J. Standard; June 14, 1891
- Riding saddles: W. D. Davis; October 6, 1895
- Rolling pin: John W. Reed; 1864
- Shampoo headrest: C. O. Bailiff; October 11, 1898
- Spark plug: Edmond Berger; February 2, 1839
- Stethoscope: Imhotep; Ancient Egypt
- Stove: T. A. Carrington; July 25, 1876
- Straightening comb: Madam C. J. Walker; Approx 1905
- Street sweeper: Charles B. Brooks; March 17, 1890
- Phone transmitter: Granville T. Woods; December 2, 1884
- Thermostat control: Frederick M. Jones; February 23, 1960
- Traffic light: Garrett Morgan; November 20, 1923
- Tricycle: M. A. Cherry; May 6, 1886
- Typewriter: Burridge & Marshman; April 7, 1885
- Black & Asian Porn: Michael Davis date unknown
Oh, did you really think we just sung, danced, played sports and had kids?
Really? FUCK YOU.
It is my sincere hope that we don’t have to do any of the above. Unfortunately by repealing health care you have left us very little choice in the matter.
Remember African American culture is youth culture the world over, in other words we have your kids.
Don’t think so? Do you know who Little Wayne is? No?
Your kids do.
Yours truly,
Michael Davis
P.S. Don’t get excited, ‘yours’ does not mean you own me. Slavery is still against the law. Don’t try and repeal The Emancipation Proclamation. If you do, say goodbye to your kids.
Vinnie Bartilucci
January 7, 2011 - 5:51 am
“•Insect-destroyer gun”
To be fair, I’m sure ANY gun could destroy an insect, aimed carefully.
John Tebbel
January 7, 2011 - 7:02 am
Speaking for my mother’s Hungarian peeps, I can assure you we’ll take back all the gags Ernie Kovacs invented. (Too late to save Capt. Honors.)
Martha Thomases
January 7, 2011 - 7:24 am
You left out Milestone Media.
MOTU
January 7, 2011 - 7:28 am
Martha,
I didn’t want a panic on my hands.
Mike Gold
January 7, 2011 - 8:35 am
There are, give or take, 25 black players currently in the NHL. I realize you have a hard time wrapping your head around this because the concept of “African Canadian” makes your eyes pop out, but of the 25 black NHL players 18 were born in Canada.
One is Swedish/Kenyan. No shit. Johnny Oduya is with the Atlanta team; I saw him play when he was on the Jersey Devils. His brother Fredrik played in the IHL and AHL.
Come out here for a Devils game or meet us in Chicago during C2E2 in March for a Blackhawks game. Keep shouting “where da white wimmen at?” and we’ll get free parking.
(There’s a truly awesome Claes Oldenburg sculpture near the United Center in Chicago. It’s about a half-mile east of the Michael Jordan statue — http://nialldebuitlear.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/batcolumn.jpg)
McCarthy
January 7, 2011 - 10:07 am
My great-grandfather often spoke of that awful seven year period when he and his were plagued with unsupported curtain rods. Curse you, S.R. Scratton. Curse you, and your unusual cruelty, he’d say. And god bless Bill Grant.
Reg
January 7, 2011 - 10:26 am
Now this is an on point rant. Please start warming up your Death Ray.
Jonathan (the other one)
January 7, 2011 - 10:27 am
Actually, they’d lose country music, too. It depends heavily on guitar-playing, after all, and the guitar as it is known today is largely, if not entirely, based on the work of the Moorish invaders of the Iberian peninsula during the 8th century. Had it not been for black people in Spain 1200 years ago, Garth Brooks would have had to learn to play the steel lute…
Mike Gold
January 7, 2011 - 11:34 am
The beautiful thing about what is generally referred to as American roots music is that it is the best and just about the only example of the “melting pot,” culinary delights aside. West African influences are very strong; so are influences from Scotland and Ireland and Latin America and, to a lesser extent perhaps, even Germany and eastern Europe. Somehow, they all collided in New Orleans sometime before Kid Ory met King Oliver and created hot jazz, and therefore rhythm and blues, the blues, the rock, and the country. It went up the Mississippi River collecting musicians from Kansas City (via the Missouri) and St. Louis and Memphis and Nashville and Yazoo City, got shaken and blended and eventually plugged into a socket in Chicago and went nationwide from there.
The history of our music is the history of America.
MOTU
January 7, 2011 - 1:17 pm
Jonathan said;
‘Actually, they’d lose country music, too.’
I know that’s why I said they could ‘have’ it. It’s a good will gesture.
MOTU
January 7, 2011 - 1:21 pm
Mike Gold said,
‘There are, give or take, 25 black players currently in the NHL.’
Mike there are a few white players in the NBA also. I think around…4. Yeah that sounds right. Oh wait a sec, 3 of those are couches.
Mike Gold
January 7, 2011 - 4:44 pm
MOTU, of all the black players in the NBA, one of them was Dennis Rodman. For some reason, he’s missing from the list of NAACP Image Award recipients.
MOTU
January 7, 2011 - 4:59 pm
Mike,
So am I and I’ve got a School Auditorium named after me among other things I’ve accomplished in the educational arena.
DON’T get me started on the NAACP.
Bill Johnson
January 8, 2011 - 7:35 pm
“Many African Americans did not have health care before this bill.”
Yeah, and the same number of them had health care after this bill, too. Obamacare provides coverage for NO ONE. It requires that you buy your own. And fines you heavily if you don’t.
Like our leaders in Washington, it doesn’t sound this joker has read the bill either.
MOTU
January 9, 2011 - 2:24 am
Bill,
I have not read the bill you are right. Here’s what I do know from someone who runs the heart unit at a major private hospital. She literally puts in hearts for a living so I’m thinking unless you do somethings along those lines she most likely knows more than both of us on this subject.
She informs me that the bill will make health care more accessible to poor and lower income families. A great many poor people black and white use the emergency room as their primary health service and never pay the bill. I grew up poor and it was not until my mom got us out of the projects that I ever went to the doctor for a check up that was not part of a free health fare or free clinic. I was 15 with an heart condition that could have been caught years earlier.
The bottom line for me is that this bill makes it easier for people to see a doctor. That’s a fact. A few years ago I sliced my thumb down to the bone. I almost passed out from the sight of the cut. I was taken to the emergency room. When all was said and done that injury cost $6000.00.
I did not have health insurance at the time and had to come out of pocket for the entire bill. The doctor who took care of me spent maybe 7 or 8 minutes with me. Cleaning and applying some sort of liquid stitch on the cut took maybe 3 minutes. Writing a prescription and giving me some pain killers took another minute and I spent about four minutes talking to the doctor and nurse about the stupid way I cut my hand in the first place.
$6000.00 for less than 10 minutes of care. That 10 minutes did save my life however so I’m OK with that.
I’m sure you are right about the bill requiring that you buy your own insurance and fines you heavily if you don’t. That seems to be a problem for some people. Not me.
I have 3 dogs and if one of them shits and I don’t clean it up I can face a heavy fine. Solution? Pick up the shit.
A heavy fine if you don’t buy health insurance? Solution? Buy health insurance. Its HEALTH CARE Bill no one will die if I don’t pick up dog shit, plenty of people have died because they did not have access to health care.
Is this bill perfect? No, no bill is ever perfect, SOMEONE can find fault in every single bill ever passed in this country. Hell, the Civil Rights Bill faced crazy opposition and the ERA STILL has not passed.
The Equal Rights Amendment, first proposed in 1923 to affirm that women and men have equal rights under the law, is still not part of the U.S. Constitution.
Who is opposing that? Why is that not a law? Is it a money issue or does the United States of America think women are less than men?
What else should we spend the money on? Two wars with two countries that did not attack us? That’s some shit we should have picked up for sure.
I should be a conservative, I believe in less government, the right to bare arms (I’m a member of the NRA ) and my tax bracket screams for less taxes. I don’t know anybody who’s as hard on crime as I am. I have a zillion other reasons why I should be a conservative but only 3 to why I’m a liberal.
Why I’m not a conservative:
1. Stay the fuck out of my bedroom.
Don’t tell me who to love or screw. Man, woman, republican.
2. Stay the fuck away from my God
If I want to worship Raccoons it’s MY choice.
3. I have a heart.
I care about people.
Don’t know how to take your ‘joker’ reference so I’ll let it slide. Lastly, I’d like to thank you for your comment.
Really.
I WELCOME opposing view and would like the opportunity to hear more of yours if you so choose.
Happy New Year, pick up after your dog.
Mike Gold
January 9, 2011 - 8:56 am
MOTU sez “So am I and I’ve got a School Auditorium named after me among other things I’ve accomplished in the educational arena.”
Yeah, buddy, but I’VE edited your work.
MOTU
January 9, 2011 - 12:29 pm
Mike sez,
‘Yeah, buddy, but I’VE edited your work.’
Edited? Shit, you created opportunities for me when there were none. Currently I have five major book deals. I have my column at Comicmix to directly thank for two of the biggest and indirectly all five.
YOU created that space for me, YOU gave me that forum. Before Comicmix I turned down a few offers of rant space over the years. I just never saw myself as a writer.
The reason I took the Comicmix offer was not because I started thinking of myself as a writer, it’s because YOU did. I told Denys once “If Gold, Grell or Ostrander ever need a kidney I’m available.’ That was 20 years ago. I still feel the same way.
Editing my work is the least you have done for me.
To bad I was fired from Comicmix because I was black.
Mike Gold
January 9, 2011 - 12:49 pm
Yes, you were black. And now…?
MOTU
January 9, 2011 - 5:22 pm
I’m mocha.
Bill Mulligan
January 9, 2011 - 7:39 pm
When someone argues a political point by simply demonizing their opposition I assume that they have no better argument.
Whether or not the bill is a good or bad bill depends on more than whether or not it helps people. You would not have a big heart to spend 100 million dollars to help 3 people, you’d have a tiny brain, one incapable of realizing that every dollar spent on X is one not spent on Y and the number of needy people is larger than the resources available to help them.
So is the bill the best way to fix health care? No, and it is unlikely to be because “the best” depends on one’s goals. Innovation and availability may be somewhat at odds with each other, what helps one may hinder the other and depending on which one you place the most value on you may allocate resources differently.
I appreciate the input from your friend the heart surgeon. My ex-wife the neurologist thinks it’s a terrible bill that will end up hurting people. But all that is just appealing to authority isn’t it?
I haven’t entirely made up my mind on this but among the people around me I see the opponents giving me reasons they hate the bill and i see the proponents calling them heartless and evil and greedy and threatening (playfully, I assume) to repeal the electric egg beater. And I gotta say, that fact may explain why support for the bill has dropped and continues to drop. (Gallup showed a 46% to 40% plurality in favor of repeal. We can argue about what that that reflects but the trend is not going your way. I’d suggest less snark and more facts but that’s just me.)
MOTU
January 9, 2011 - 8:07 pm
Bill,
I think the drop in the support can be contributed to the massive amount of noise coming from the right. ‘Death panels’ didn’t work so now it will bankrupt the country.
Your ex-wife was an neurologist eh? My ex was the heart surgeon.
We should talk.
😉
Bill Mulligan
January 9, 2011 - 8:44 pm
Lol. What’s funny is that since we went our separate ways she has become more conservative, I’ve become more liberal (not much more but it’s there) and Etrigan…well, he too has grown more like Etrigan.
I think the fact that premiums are still going up and waivers are being handed out like candy has had more to do with the drop in popularity. Some folks really did think it would make healthcare free and they are upset that this did not (and never will) happen.
And I think a lot of the momentum was lost when pelosi and co did all they could to live up to every negative stereotype that could have been dreamed up by Rush Limbaugh. “We have to pass the bill so that you can find out what is in it.” is one of those quotes that will outlive us and possibly define the politics of the time.
carlos franco
January 15, 2011 - 10:24 am
there were no hair brushes, before 18-?? what did white ppl use to comb thier hair? black ribs?? no wonder a blackman invented the brush, first!! “I aint given my ribs to nobody! shit! i aint no adam!!! i’ma kill a horse and start workin on this hair-wood!!”
A black man invented the golf tee?!! lol He was like john the baptist, to tiger wood’s Jesus! except Jesus didn’t fuck mary magdelyne – and every blonde, blue eyed and a couple that looked puerto rican, jews!!!
MOTU
January 15, 2011 - 10:33 am
Carlos,
Get off the pipe.
Really crack kills.
carlos franco
January 15, 2011 - 11:42 am
you would know! LOL
MOTU
January 15, 2011 - 1:51 pm
No, I would not. My drug of choice is Asian women…and bacon.
carlos franco
January 16, 2011 - 7:31 pm
LOL u put those 2 together, mr. kotter:)