Up Rooted by Arthur Tebbel & Chris Toia – Pop Art… and Chris #3

December 16, 2008 Arthur Tebbel & Chris Toia 9 Comments

Dear Art and Chris,

My band and I just signed a deal to be the house band for Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.  We’re worried that our fans will think that after 15 years of being one of the best acts in hip-hop, we’ve sold out.  As beacons of integrity, how do you think we can hold on to our street cred?

Questlove, The Roots.

Dear Questlove,

We’re pretty sure that this is a great opportunity for you.  White people have always been trendsetters in the black community.  You’re probably familiar with our work in putting a price on your art and then keeping 99% of the proceeds.  Being on Jimmy Fallon’s show is certain to help you cross over to a mainstream white audience without sacrificing any of your core fans.  Just ask Queen Latifah how much Taxi helped her.

If anything you might be too rugged for this gig.  I assume as the only remotely well-known member of the group you’re going to be the one who does most of the banter with the host.  You’ll be the Kevin Eubanks of the group, if you’ll pardon the expression.  Where does this leave your frontman and MC extraordinaire Black Thought?  Also Black Thought is way too intense a name for late night television.  White people in the suburbs don’t want to be thinking about what black people are thinking; that’s why they moved to the suburbs.  Maybe he could be known as Kid Friendly Character.  We wouldn’t use the full name all the time though, just the initials, the sponsors will probably dig that too.

You can’t lose all your edge though.  Don’t play that same collection of boring music everyone else plays.  If they tell you to cover Devo songs, you’ve got to play the crap out of them.  Don’t be afraid to go off script either.  If Fallon cracks up at his own bad joke, and from what I’ve seen of SNL this will happen at least 5 times before the first commercial break, and they do the customary shot of the band leader laughing his ass off feel free to sit there in silence.  Every time Fallon asks you do be in a sketch get a wistful look in your eye and start talking about the time you were in a sketch on Chappelle’s Show.  It’ll never get that good again.  Couldn’t you have been his house band instead?

By far the worst part of this decision is that it’ll dramatically cut down on your touring schedule.  You’re one of the best live bands ever.  50% of the writers of this column count your show at Hofstra University in 2006 as the best concert they’ve ever seen.  You not touring is like Batman only appearing in movies, beer being served exclusively in bottles, or if there were Tuesdays without a hilarious new Pop Art… and Chris.  Some things are just part of our culture.  You guys are going to go stir crazy doing 200 shows per year in Studio 6b.  The thrill of performing in front of huge crowds in great arenas and sold out festivals isn’t a thrill you’re going to be able to recreate in front of 200 members of a pre-warmed studio audience.  Make sure you have a clear exit strategy.  Worst-case scenario just tell him you hated Fever Pitch you’ll be out by the end of the week.