Inaugural Mailbag, by Arthur Tebbel & Chris Toia – Pop Art… and Chris #8

January 20, 2009 Arthur Tebbel & Chris Toia 5 Comments

With the inauguration of America’s first black President happening on our date of publication we were swamped with letters this week so this week we’re going to try to get to as many as we can.

Dear Art & Chris,

I have a long history of using the courts to promote causes of social justice and I think you’ll really like my latest cause.  I’m suing the Presidential Inauguration Committee because they’re dividing the 5,000 portable toilets equally among men and women.  I believe this is unfair because women take longer in the bathroom and will lead to more waiting for female spectators.  What do you think of my case.

    – John Banzhaf Professor of Law, Georgetown University

John,
I think you’re missing the forrest for the urine-soaked trees.  This is 5,000 toilets for an estimated 2 million people.  That’s one toilet for every 400 people.  We lived in apartment with four people and one toilet and that wasn’t enough.  Everyone with the misfortune to have to use the bathroom at this is going to be in for a world of trouble.  I think your time would be better spent suing them to provide diapers for everyone.  That seems like the more humane way to go.

Dear Art & Chris,

You probably remember me.  I was the woman at the Democratic National Committee rules meeting who said the democrats were throwing the election away for “an inadequate black male.”  So I got that one completely wrong but I’m not over this yet.  What should I do today while the rest of the world watches the inauguration?
-Harriet Christian

Harriet,
We here at Pop Art…and Chris are really solid feminists who respect women and think of them as our equals.

So know that it is in that spirit when we ask, have you considered your problems could be solved with a deep dicking?  Something is clearly stuck somewhere in your anatomy and maybe you just need to dislodge it.  Also it should probably be a black guy, you need to get over that racism stuff too.  It’s a great day for this though as I bet the overwhelming majority of black people are partying pretty hard today; one of them has to be drunk enough to take you home.

Dear Art & Chris,

Now back when I ran for President it was on a segregation-based platform.  However, it came out after my death that I had a thing for black women; I even fathered a child with one.  So it should come as no surprise that I find Michelle Obama quite attractive even if she went to a school that also admitted white people (turns out there were enough people in the army).  I don’t know if you guys saw the movie Ghost but that’s exactly what death is like.  I plan to possess a Secret Service agent, put on my little pointy white latex hat, and plant myself into her lawn.  The bushes if you catch my meaning… I plan to have intercourse with her.  So my question is, how do I seduce a modern black woman?
-The Ghost of Strom Thurmond

Strom,
….

Oh will you look at that we’re out of space.  Join us next week when I promise we won’t use the phrase “deep dicking.”