Follow the Leader, by Arthur Tebbel & Chris Toia – Pop Art… and Chris #10

February 3, 2009 Arthur Tebbel & Chris Toia 3 Comments

Dear Art & Chris,
Who ever thought I could run a comic book company anyway?
– Senior VP-Executive Editor, DC Comics

Senior VP-Executive Editor (A.K.A. Dan),
That’s an excellent question.  Certainly not either of us.  We certainly didn’t watch ReBoot as a kid and think how I wished those guys were in charge of the most famous characters in comics.  I bet you nailed the interview though.  It probably didn’t hurt that the company was practically in shambles when you arrived.

You have done a thoroughly terrible job though.  Pop Art…and Chris’ own Art Tebbel has cut his DC books down to two per month after a lifetime of a minimum 20 dollar/week habit.  You took away almost every bit of character development that took place in the ten years preceding your taking the job.  To get the characters back to their “iconic states” or rather what they were when you were a kid.  This is the equivalent of if Julie Schwartz had decided in 1956 that what they needed to do to revitalize the Flash by bringing Jay Garrick back, maybe giving him a new hat.  Instead he brought in a new character and changed comics forever.  When you wanted to revitalize the Flash franchise you didn’t create you went back to the well.

The real answer to your question is that we all have.  All of us comics fans who buy your books month after month because of some loyalty to characters rather than a desire for competent original storytelling.  Not that your desire for emotionally overwrought story lines should surprise anyone; you did get your start working for ABC’s daytime soap opera division.  Although even Erica Kane has a good day now and again.

Dear Art & Chris,
Right on the front cover of the LA Times this Sunday was an article charging my network, ABC Family, with supporting teen sex.  After taking over the network from Pat Robertson, my only goal has been to provide secular, family friendly entertainment, that’s relevant to the teenagers and families that are coming of age in the new millennium.  After this how can my network possibly hope to maintain its family friendly appeal?
– Head of ABC

Head of ABC,
First off we would recommend writing the fine folks at the LA Times a thank you note.  Accusing your painfully milquetoast network of edgy exciting programming prominently featuring promiscuous teen sex is tantamount to handing you guys a couple of extra points in the old Nielson ratings.

Teen sex is hot these days.  Really hot.  The Google search we ran for ‘teens’ and ‘sex’ yielded quite a few results.  We guess the good news for ABC Family is that it has not become synonymous with teen sex.  No matter how many of the web sites we clicked on none of them featured episodes of your tween dramas ‘The Secret Life of  the American Teenager’ or ‘Greek’.  Many of them featured Asians however, something your network might want to consider going into the future.

Actually, after our internet research we settled in and watched the premiere episode of ‘The Secret Life of the American Teenager’.  It made me wonder, did the show’s creator (Seventh Heaven’s Brenda Hampton) have sex as a teen… or ever?  The main character, 15 year old Amy, accidentally gets pregnant at band camp when she loses her virginity to Ricky Underwood.  After the sex Amy claims she couldn’t even tell if it happened or not.

Frankly, we’re surprised Pat Robertson isn’t still running your network.  Virginal sex that leaves a woman pregnant, and better yet the woman doesn’t even feel it.  It’s the perfect Christian fantasy.  Every time a character on an ABC Family program has sex, or ‘oral sex’ as the characters on your programs refer to blowjobs they face dire and unrealistic consequences.  In reality teens have sex for the same reasons adults do, it feels great and it makes you more popular.  If a virgin has sex, they remember the experience- vividly.

So don’t worry.  Your network will receive a huge ratings boost from the accusations of being the best place for kids to check out hot teen sex since squinting at the scrambled ‘Spice Channel’ on the TV in your parent’s bedroom.  Not since the Book of Genesis has sex been so sterile and lifeless.  Of course, if you really wanted to be Family Friendly you could create programming with the integrity to confront the issues of teenage sex candidly and neither glamorizing nor downplaying the role it plays in development.  That would be a true service to families.  But, then again the way you’re doing it is probably way easier.