The Reason We Are All Doomed, by Michael Davis – Straight No Chaser #105

February 13, 2009 Michael Davis 16 Comments

I hate stupid shit.

Remember a few weeks ago when I was about to get in a major appliance companies ass because of the way they treated me? I wrote a letter to the company and sent it priority overnight. In the letter I explained to this company just how much bad press they were about to receive and just how loud I can get. My contacts in the media alone should have been enough to make them think twice about their business practices.

I told them they had best come correct or I was about to release a attack on them that would make ‘shock and awe’ seem like ‘punch and pie.’ TWO days after I sent that letter I got the check I had been waiting for.

I kept my word; I did not go on the attack. I kept my word because they did what (after I got in their ass) they said they would do.

Well now I’m warning a car company that they are about to get theirs like a virgin in a porn movie made by sex crazed college kids who just got out of prison. This ‘friendly’ car company made a HUGE mistake. Did they do something to me?

Nope. It’s worst than that; they did something to a friend of mine. I’ve mentioned this a few times in this column but it’s worth mentioning again; my motto is this:

Nothing to good to do for my friends, nothing to bad to do to my enemies.

My friend brought a car almost two years ago. She LOVES this car. She loves it so much that sometimes she would pay twice the amount due on the car payment or pay weeks in advance so that in affect she was a month ahead with her payment. The goal was to pay it off quicker.

Well, like a LOT of Americans she lost her job and fell behind two months with her car payment. Yes, she fell behind but you know what she did? She called the car company (SHE CALLED THEM) to make arrangements to bring the account up to date. She asked if she could place the two outstanding months on the end of the loan so that she would not be two months in arrears. This is a common practice and can be very helpful when you fall behind on a loan.

The car company said YES, but told her she would have to pay late fees, WHICH SHE DID.

So-she paid the late fees and all was good in the world but then-they TOOK HER CAR.

She was never late, she paid more than the monthly bill, she paid in advanced, when she fell behind she called them, to make good on her obligations and she sent them the late fee that they asked for.

AND THESE LIEING MOTHER FUCKERS TOOK HER CAR. Oh yes Mr. Car Company if you are reading this (and I know you are because I’m forwarding this to your CEO and to a bunch of your corporate officers) I DID just SAY MOTHER FUCKER to describe you.

Now before you think you are dealing with a common thug know this- this foul mouth language is coming from an IVY LEAGUE educated BLACK man with a PhD. So yeah I may be a thug but that’s DOCTOR THUG to you. Oh yeah as to your CEO, I was a CEO also, for TWO publicly traded companies. So think twice before you dismiss this or me because I’m using bad words.

Oh, I am fully aware that you can take a car back if it’s just a day late on the payment. I’m fully aware what you can do and what is within your rights to do. Now YOU be fully aware of what is within MY rights. It’s well within MY rights to tell the WORLD (and I can do it) how HORRIBLE and perhaps raciest (what reason would your costumer service rep have to ask where my friend was from on the phone? What reason??) This is one time when taping those phone calls could back fire buddy.

You would do best to assume I know how to make a HUGE stink and I cannot imagine your company trying to explain this away after my boy (that’s friend in thug talk) who runs a NETWORK tells his news division to run a story on this. Or perhaps releasing your NAME to the zillions of people on the net that I have access to.

Here’s the kicker, I told my friend to call the car company because maybe this was just a mistake. I mean SHE called them. She sent them the late fee; she was TOLD that everything was fine and well with regards to the car. I mean it HAD to be a mistake.

Right?

She did call them, they told her that they WOULD return the car to her!!!

Today,(Thursday the 12^th) they sent her a letter that indeed said that she could have her car back for another small fee. That fee was almost $13,000.00! Yeah, she was sent a letter telling her that she can have her car back if she pays off the loan in full.

Hey, Mr. Car Company, here it comes again-YOU MOTHER FUCKERS expect a woman who fell BEHIND in her car payments because she lost her job to come up with $13,000.00???

That is why we are all doomed.

The government gives banks money to lend and the banks don’t lend it. Wall Street takes bail out money and goes to Vegas after giving itself BILLIONS in bonuses without making the money available to help in the housing crisis.

A lone woman who was never late, paid more than the monthly bill, paid in advanced, and when she fell behind she called the car company to make good on her obligations. She sent them the late fee that they asked for and they STILL TOOK THE CAR.

Mr. Car Company, I’m asking you nicely to please do what you said you would and let this young lady have her car back. She has a new job and needs her car. She’s a hard working lady YOU can help. That would be a great story people. Have a heart and do the right thing.

If you do that I will make sure she keeps up her payments. Although she won’t need me as she’s a woman of her word, unlike you Mr. Car Company. I’ll say it again; please give this lady back her car so she can get to the job she can’t keep without it. Do the right thing because if you don’t I swear I will move heaven and earth to tell the world just what kind of company you are and just what you did. You better believe I can do it to.

By the way, you know those bad words I used? THAT was me being nice.

Do the right thing. This way you get paid for your car instead of paying your P.R. firm thousands more to clean up and spin what I PROMISE will be a P.R. nightmare.

Look at the date Mr. Car Company, it’s Friday the 13^th and I’m your crossing your path with my black cat and a broken mirror that’s looking right at you.

Do the right thing or I SWEAR there will be a lot more angry people than me looking at you.

A lot more.