You Are Not Alone, by Michael Davis – Straight No Chaser #121

June 12, 2009 Michael Davis 7 Comments

I had a rant all ready to go about the feud between David Letterman and Sarah Palin. That pig with lipstick and her ass wipe husband Todd all but called Lettermen a pervert.

In fact Todd said about Letterman, “These sexually perverted comments are outside the acceptance of mainstream America.”

Really?

Letterman was making jokes about the 18 year old that had a baby at 17, after being knocked up at 16.

Why is this funny?

Because Palin and her bitch husband like to preach to the world about morals and what it takes to be a ‘real American’ when their (then) under aged daughter was getting dicked like a liberal.

Don’t push your fucking morals on me when your CHILD is ignoring you and your morals. And as to Todd’s statement that …. “These sexually perverted comments are outside the acceptance of mainstream America…” I suggest he remember that a VAST majority of Americans REJECTED Palin and her running mate’s bullshit.

So they once again must be talking about ‘REAL’ Americans.

Outside the acceptance of mainstream America?

Really?

MORE porn is rented in this country than all other categories combined. Shit, I account for at least 90% of the Asian porn rented.

Come on now! I know that 90% is a crazy number! You know I don’t rent that much porn, I kid. I joke!

It’s more like 95% but I’m trying to cut down…really.

OK, OK you got me! I don’t rent porn at all. So calm down…I get it free.

So Todd, kiss my ass you self-serving dick don’t preach to me about sexually perverted comments, to you having the lights on while doing ‘it’ is most likely sexually perverted.

Me? I want the lights on, a camcorder going and a midget singing; Follow the yellow brick road, while I’m getting busy.

Hey, it’s a GIRL midget or more appropriately ‘little person’ singing. Duh! Anything else would be sexually perverted.

So, as I was saying I had a rant already to go but then I spoke to someone special on the phone and I changed the topic of my column.

What was the above all about?

That was about my inability to sometimes let something go and that brings me to my real topic. So let’s pretend the above was not written and what follows is my Straight No Chaser # 121…

I talked to a friend today on the phone and quickly realized she felt all alone or lonely. Well, not that quickly because I was trying to write when I spoke to her then I had to drive some place. So I listened, but in retrospect I think I was a bit of a dick.

Things are not going well for this person but while I was on the phone with her all I could think of is getting her off the phone so I could continue writing my book. The book that my editor is waiting to see pages on but I’m SO anal I keep rewriting them. This after having wonderful feedback from my editor and a clear direction in which to go.

So the entire time I was on the phone with this woman, who is so dear, to me I was thinking, ‘ Get over it. It’s not that bad. I HAVE to finish what I’m doing.’

I have a great life. I wake up in the morning and my biggest problem is dealing with bullshit about Comic Con and who may not make my Black Panel or whether or not my Comic Con party is on the wrong night.

Yeah, these are my issues. I’m writing two TV shows, two books and a graphic novel. I’m illustrating a project on The Underground Railroad and another on Jackie Robinson. I work 18 hours a day and love every second of it. I’m ahead on all my deadlines and having a ball.

Yes, I have a good life but I realized that one of the MAJOR reasons I have a good life is I know good people. My sometime partner but always friend Ehrich Van Lowe said that to me years ago…”Mike, you know good people.”

With all due respect to Mr. Van Lowe, I know GREAT people- he being one of them.

Yes, and one of the MAJOR reasons I have a good life is I do know great people.

So dear heart, I’m sorry I was not more attentive to your needs today. Yes you drive me crazy and yes I want to pimp slap you sometime but I am your friend. Don’t you worry things will get better. I’m your friend and I will help you in any way I can. All this said, I know things seem bad but as long as you know me you are NOT alone.

Or as Michael Jackson put it in his badass song, You are not alone…:

For you are not alone

For I am here with you

Though we’re far apart

You’re always in my heart

For you are not alone

I heard what you were saying and I get it. I know I’m crazy busy and you look out for me and you always (when you don’t freak out) got my back.

So please FORGIVE my stupidity sometimes. I’m only human…OK, I am Master Of The Universe but ONCE I was only human.

Now, leave me alone I have to finish what I’m doing…;-)

I kid, I joke…