Palin In A Wringer, by Mike Gold – Brainiac On Banjo #125
July 6, 2009 Mike Gold 20 Comments
Here are two words calculated to scare the poo out of you, and it’s not a joke. Ready?
President Palin.
Yeah, I know. She resigned from office last week under what appears to be mysterious circumstances. Then she pretty much threatened to sue anybody who suggests there might have been any mysterious circumstances. Well, I’m raising the possibility that this dimwit resigned under mysterious circumstances, and if she doesn’t like that, well, evidently I like Alaska a lot more than she does and I wouldn’t mind going there to defend myself and, oh yeah, the constitution of the United States of America. You know, the very thing Palin and her equally mindless sycophants use as toilet paper.
But it doesn’t really matter. Palin’s hardcore will support her anyway. Mike Judge’s Idiocracy was brilliant, but it was set way too far in the future. If you’ve seen the movie, yes, I’d rather vote for Terry Crews. I probably would no matter who Crews was running against. But I digress.
Here’s why “President Palin” is a real possibility. The Re-Pubs have nobody else. Yes, it’s possible they can grow a new candidate, but these days you’ve got to start four years out and, besides, they can’t seem to find anybody else without a steamy sex scandal.
The Democrats can lose. They can lose if the economy is worse. They can lose if the economy isn’t better. They can lose if the United States has been attacked, if some nation – any nation – gets nuked. If Obama can’t deliver on health case, the Democrats are toast.
If that happens, be afraid. Be very afraid.
As she has repeatedly demonstrated, Palin is dumber than a bag of doorknobs. But that hasn’t stopped us before. At first, the idea of electing a washed-up faghag of a B actor as president was a silly joke, but Reagan’s controllers managed to get him 51% of the vote.
Worse still, almost 50% of us voted for little Georgie Bush, remember?
She’s poster girl for the Re-Pubs; she’s poster girl for the Objectivists, she’s poster girl for the misnomered conservatives. That’s a bigger following than any other Re-Pub has.
Don’t count Palin out.
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Mike Gold performs the weekly two-hour Weird Sounds Inside The Gold Mind ass-kicking bizarro music and blather show starts up Sundays at 7:00 PM Eastern on www.getthepointradio.com, replayed the following Thursdays at 10:00 PM Eastern. Likewise, his Weird Scenes Inside The Gold Mind rants pop up every on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday exclusively at www.getthepointradio.com. The regular Weird Scenes Inside The Gold Mind rants continue every Monday and Friday on The Point podcasts, available right here at www.michaeldavisworld.com, as well as at www.comicmix.com, www.getthepointradio.com, www.zzcomics.com, and www.ravenwolfstudios.com. You can subscribe to The Point podcasts at iTunes by searching under “The Point Radio.”
Gold is also a regular contributor to comicmix.com, and edits their online comic book content. Check out the all-new GrimJack: The Manx Cat #2, now being solicited in the IDW Publishing section of this month’s Diamond catalog.
Alan Coil
July 6, 2009 - 5:24 am
Sarah the Quitter.
Reg
July 6, 2009 - 2:49 pm
“You betcha!”
😉
Rick Oliver
July 6, 2009 - 4:56 pm
There may be scenarios under which the Republicans beat Obama in 2012, but I don’t think Palin will be the party’s candidate, and I don’t think the economy alone will be enough to defeat Obama. If the economy continues to decline, most people will be looking for more help from the government, not less. They won’t be terribly enthusiastic about Palin’s particular form of rugged individualism.
The economy was still in the toilet when FDR was re-elected in 1936, and wasn’t all that great when he won his third term in 1940, a time when lots of folks (ironically Republicans) also didn’t like FDR’s stance on the war in Europe and his rather obvious desire to get us into it.
I think that 3 1/2 years from now, most people will still perceive the Republicans (rightly or wrongly) as the source of our current economic predicament.
I do, however, agree, that healthcare will be a major issue, particularly if Obama makes that situation worse with half-assed measures that will only piss off everyone.
pennie
July 7, 2009 - 3:07 am
“The free-agent bench point guard brings the ball up the court. She fiddles and diddles…slaps the ball around at the mid-court stripe…and..what’s this…with her teammates at the post, she shoots the ball from half-court…and…misses by a mile! Nothing but air!”
Mike, I agree with some of your points–but this is right now and a lot can happen in the next two years. Palin’s propensity for sticking her ovaries in her mouth continue to offer clear evidence of her near complete lack of political sophistication. And the people who adore her won’t cease and desist and those of us who are appalled won’t be swayed. It’s that great gaping middle ground…
Palin is content to play to her audience–truly a one-trick mare. Trying to capitalize on the good fortune of being chosen last year–well we all get how aggressive she is. But she’s unstable, unpredictable and just plain loony.
What bothers me a lot are her kindergarten rants. It’s her style, not just the content, that makes me crazy.
On the other hand, since assuming the presidency, Obama has continually displayed a stance of honing his initiatives to the middle at the expense of his own campaign ideals and promises. While some of this is his own attempt to maintain a big-tent quorum along with the political realities of Washington, his compromises can cause more problems and continue to undermine/undercut his base. I believe the same as Rick and you, health care is crucial–and his compromises and caving right now appear to be steering this initiative to the same place as all previous attempts by Kennedy, H. Clinton, et al.
Right now, I believe if the choice came down to the Romney or Palin, it might be close in some quarters but Mass Mitt would prevail. On the other hand, it is early yet.
Still, those words make me shiver: President Palin! Good Grief!
Rick Oliver
July 7, 2009 - 4:54 am
IMO, Romney is unelectable because to the fundamentalist religious right, he’s not a Christian.
Marc Alan Fishman
July 7, 2009 - 8:42 am
If she becomes the front runner, it’ll be on even less ground then President Obama had when he took office. The fact that “handlers” even exist to promote this moose jerky chompin nut bag (while not surprising) is just amazingly stupid. Aside from perhaps ensuring 4 more seasons of 30 Rock if elected, I would sooner consider moving to the great white north than stay in a country that elects Sarah Palin to do more than make some break-n-bake cookies.
Rick Oliver
July 7, 2009 - 8:59 am
The Republicans are rudderless. By continuously hammering the Democrats as being the party of “big government” they have succeeded in developing a base that believes that all government is bad. The Palin supporters belong to a significant portion of that base that therefore believes that the candidate with the least amount of government experience must be the best candidate. The fact that the candidate might also lack any other relevant experience seems to escape them. Following that logic, they might just as well support Joe the Plumber for president.
Through there own machinations, the Republicans have made it very difficult for them to come up with a candidate with any real credentials that their new base will embrace.
Mike Gold
July 7, 2009 - 9:23 am
I’m suggesting the Republicans have few other alternatives. In this racket, three years is a short time. Pennie points out Palin’s near complete lack of political sophistication. Whereas I might quibble over the word “near,” I think that very lack is appealing to lots of voters. She’ll run as an outsider, and she’ll say that you don’t get any more outside than Alaska — even though she will only spend a few weeks there over the next three years.
As everybody said, she’s a stupid nut job (well, everybody said it more eloquently than that, but life is short). But so was Georgie Bush, so was Ronald Reagan. In fact, when he ran against Ford in 1976 he was generally perceived by non-RePubs as a shill who’s selling the NeoCon agenda the way he sold 20 Mule Team Borax 20 years earlier. You know, before he sold out his fellow SAG members.
I don’t know if Romney’s unelectable. I see Rick’s point and tend to disagree, but there was a time when I would have said that same group of people would never have voted for a divorced man. Oh, and Rick, they just MIGHT support “Joe the Plummer.” Weirder shit has happened.
But here’s the REAL scary scenario: a genuine third-party with Palin and Plumber and the Religious Right at its head. I’m not saying that she’d be the candidate in this scenario — if it’s a new party, they can afford to give us an exciting new candidate sometime as late as December 2010 or so. But she’ll be the cheerleader, and she’ll have a lot of influence.
I think Marc’s onto something. If she wins, I might very well move to Alaska. Beautiful place; I love it dearly. Rick Oliver’s been up there too, as I recall. And Rick, Marc and I are Chicagoans — we can take it.
Rick Oliver
July 7, 2009 - 10:43 am
People voted for George Bush because he was the candidate that they felt they could “have a beer with”. An interesting qualification for commander-in-chief of the sole remaining superpower. So I’m sure that people will vote for Sarah Palin solely on the basis of her perceived lack of “insider” corruption. Before Obama, most presidents elected in the last 30 years ran as “outsiders”. Carter, Reagan, Clinton, and Bush Jr. were all governors from “outside” the beltway. The difference, of course, is that they could claim to have more actual governing experience than Palin…and they didn’t quit halfway through their first term. But as I said previously, the lack of any relevant qualification other than not being a Washington insider doesn’t seem to bother the new Republican base much.
Personally, I welcome a split in the Republican party that results in a new third-party that primarily consists of the disgruntled religious right. They’ll take votes away from Republican candidates and have little or no effect on Democratic candidates.
As for the religious right voting for Romney…well, I think they may perceive a very big difference between voting for a divorced guy and voting for a guy who believes in a more recent prophet of god who supercedes Jesus.
Mike Gold
July 7, 2009 - 10:57 am
Romney did a lot better last year with the RR than I would have thought. There was an “any port in a storm” mentality: he walked the walk and talked the talk, so maybe we can overlook his underwear. Maybe.
I think a religious party is a great idea. It will split the NeoCons or encourage them to juice up the Libertarian Party, and it might allow the old-time Republicans a shot at getting their old-time pro-business pro-mind-your-own-business line back before the electorate. If Obama looks like a shoo-in, the schism might as well happen in time for 2012. That way, both “new” parties (RYM-1 and RYM-2? Hello, Pennie?) could work towards establishing themselves as real. Worked for the RePubs in 1856, although Joe Medill’s party bears little resemblance to anything GOP in the 20th Century.
And a Religious Right party might be the only chance my old pal has for a future. You remember Joe Lieberman? He’d be their first Supreme Court choice. If they overlook his age. By 2017 he’ll be about a million…
Alan Coil
July 7, 2009 - 3:01 pm
While I don’t expect Sarah the Quitter to run in 2012, I wouldn’t be surprised if she did AND got the nomination. The Republican party would then,according to them, have the very first woman to run for the office of President. They would perceive that as a PR victory. And isn’t that all they really look for these days?
Mike Gold
July 7, 2009 - 3:06 pm
I have no justifiable political analysis for this one, Alan, but I honestly think Palin wants the power and not necessarily the position. If that means she becomes the GOP’s go-to woman, swell. If that means being the head of a new party, great. If that means heading up the Separatist Party and becoming Queen of Alaska, well, hell, I’m willing to make the sacrifice if she is!
pennie
July 7, 2009 - 3:10 pm
RYM 1 & 2…Oh yeah! Where to go with this…
This woman is unspeakable–in every sense. She served a bit more than two years of her gubernatorial term and can hardly be labeled a lame duck. Her term had not expired nor was anyone else elected to succeed her. Palin and simple–she quit. If her ticket was elected last November and she had a hard time adjusting, would she have quit as VP as well?
You have to have seen Palin and her latest “impromptu” news conference. On some Alaskan beachhead, outfitted in fishing garb, with the national press summoned as she cast her nets every which way…as usual, saying nothing.
But wait…she’s still acting guv. On a fishing holiday. And she doesn’t want to milk Alaskan citizens? Hell, she’s holding them hostage for the next three weeks. What’s next, Palin at a moose hunt? Elk? Bear? How about elephant?
Okay, in the coming beauty contest, we have calm, decisive, intelligent, articulate Obama and this bitch…her finer attributes already cited above. No need to reiterate. There’s a wrinkle or two in this wringer. With the demolished economy reeling in continued turmoil; the employment picture more dismal each month (particularly so for those of us unemployed) and the stimulus money trickling, the Mastodons are on their knees (apparently in more ways than one) hoping for three more years of this sad stew. Throw in cloudy health care, a belligerent N.Korea and goddess knows what new calamities and you have a situation ripe for the dissatisfied.
No news that this country is soooo polarized. As a student of history, I listen to the rails. These conditions are not that far removed from 1930’s-era Germany and Italy. Nationalistic/relgious fervor, lots of blame to spread, and a large population yearning for bygone days when things seemed so much more simple…
Bring me your huddled masses? Not so much unless they’re living communally in an small enclosed space. We’ve all witnessed that nightmare.
As bizarre as it hits me, apparently Palin does possess some charisma. She pitches a down-to-earth, plain-speaking, hockey mom. Look at how appealing that is to millions of us. Been ruminating on this one since I read your column, Mike. Given the right set of circumstances, the bitch can project and enthuse more people a lot faster than bland Romney. And we all witnessed the economic and political influence of these religious zealots in Cal’s Prop 8 fiasco. A Mormon Mitt and Re-born Palin marks a field of dreams for some.
Oh yeah, Palin the neo-NBA latest walking cliche is a natural for the Dallas Mavericks…}’;>)
pennie
July 7, 2009 - 3:12 pm
Pssss…I’m liking the look and feel of the re-designed site. I’m thinking Tatiana might have had a hand in this.Props and kisses your way!
MOTU
July 7, 2009 - 3:24 pm
The real issue for me is not how stupid Palin is (and she’s hella stupid) but how stupid and short sighted a great deal of Americans are. I cannot believe that in 2009 the same kind of fear tactics used in the 50’s are still working.
I also never understood voting in ANY government who governs by moral standards. What does anyone’s beliefs have to do with rather or not a school needs funding, or more police are needed in a high crime area? Palin and her like with their “Real Americans’ bullshit just brings home the real problem that there are a LOT of Americans who are just sheep. The focus on government is to govern not to tell me who to screw.
Another thing-this stupid bitch QUIT before her 1st term was out. She says it’s because she did not want to be a lame duck. Forgive me and my P.h.D but isn’t a lame duck someone who cannot run again or is prevented from running again by some term limit?
Doesn’t that term really apply to someone who has no choice but to leave office? I don’t think it applies to someone who QUITS. That term is NOT Lame Duck that term is Dumb Fuck. I’m holding out hope that Americans will NOT vote for a quitter to lead them. I mean come on-what will she do the first time something comes across her desk she does not like as Commander-in-chief…quit?
Mike Gold
July 7, 2009 - 3:35 pm
MOTU just told me the redesign — which I LOVE — comes from Tatjana and ComicMix.com’s own minister of production Glenn Hauman. I saw the prototype last week, and have been anxiously awaiting its debut.
As for Palin, Pennie, you speak with the zeal of a convert. And I don’t think she’d last a MINUTE with the Maverick’s Mark Cuban, who’s a hero of mine. Well, he’s no Bill Veeck, but damn, he’s fun. Piece of trivia: The Mavericks was named after one of its original owners, James Garner.
Oh, and Brother/Doctor MOTU, isn’t P.h.D. spelled ‘Ph.D.”?? I mean, I ain’t got one so I don’t know, and the only diploma I kept was from grammar school.
pennie
July 7, 2009 - 3:57 pm
Staying with the new site look for a sec, not only does it look and feel lovely but if the spam is gone—WOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Rick Oliver
July 7, 2009 - 5:24 pm
Lame duck terms are typically measured in months not years, and typically apply to those who have been voted out of office. Using Palin’s definition, any second term president is a “lame duck” for the entire 4 years of that term, since you know you won’t be running for another term. So, we should never vote for any president running for a second term.
If you’re halfway through your term and have decided you won’t run for re-election, that is actually the perfect time to go full bore, pedal to the metal for all the causes you truly believe in, because you don’t have to worry about compromise for the sake of re-election.
Instead, Palin has opted to quit. Brilliant strategy.
As we say in the software industry, you can’t make software foolproof because fools can be so ingenious.
Kyle Gnepper
July 7, 2009 - 6:02 pm
It’s scary when you make sense like that. It won’t be enough for things to just stay where they are without getting worse, there needs to be serious improvements within 2 years. The republicans are already rolling out the new slogan “Blame the dems for 2010”. Anything goes wrong, or even not right enough and there will be a big ol finger pointed at Barack, and guess who will be on the other end.
Reg
July 7, 2009 - 6:26 pm
m.O.T.u. said..The real issue for me is not how stupid Palin is (and she’s hella stupid) but how stupid and short sighted a great deal of Americans are.
Co-sign. That issue has always been my point of concern. When you consider the audience of Limbaugh, Malkin and their ilk and their slavish and totally irrational buying of the crap. It absolutely boggles the mind and makes one really fear for the both the present and the future.
@ Rick…Stop making sense. It gets confusing.