Heading for a Fall, by Arthur Tebbel & Chris Toia – Pop Art… and Chris #38

August 25, 2009 Arthur Tebbel & Chris Toia 1 Comment

Dear Art & Chris,
What do you guys think of the new fall TV schedule?
-Jess Cagle, Managing Editor, Entertainment Weekly

Jess,
We’re glad you asked. Here is part one of our two-part look at the new programs on network TV this fall.

Accidentally on Purpose – For people who watched Knocked Up and thought that what it really needed to be was 7 times as long and that Seth Rogan was completely disposable. It’s edgy because the promotional clip uses words like “nipple” and “bong” freely. Sandwiched between How I Met Your Mother and Two and A Half Men it’s part of CBS’ irresponsible sex acts block on Mondays.

The Jay Leno Show – This is a daily show so we couldn’t get any actual clips to watch. There was a clip of Jay interviewing Jerry Seinfeld. Jerry seemed annoyed that Jay was talking to him and distracting him from his real life. We feel about the same way.

The Forgotten – Probably so titled because Jerry Bruckheimer found it at the bottom of his trash can when his bookie came to collect. It’s a cop show that doesn’t have cops in it and they don’t solve crimes they just identify the victims. The only people capable of identifying the real victims are the people at The Nielsen Company.
 

NCIS: Los Angeles – We have no fucking idea what this show is about. They’re cops who work for the Navy but do way more than investigate Naval officers. We’re pretty sure everything they do should be an FBI or CIA thing. Whatever this one has LL Cool J in it so it should be awesome.

The Good Wife – Chris refuses to comment on this show because his girlfriend works on it and he’s a coward. I, Art, am entirely sure that this will be the favorite show of any woman in sweatpants eating a tub of ice cream and complaining that there are no good men in this world. You go girl. Or whatever

Melrose Place – Having lived in Los Angeles for a year, no one acts or talks like that. We are interested in this trend though and are excited for The CW lineup of new programming for next year featuring Party of Five, Dawson’s Creek, and Moesha

Hank – Kelsey Grammar is playing out of type here. He’s a wealthy pretentious socialite who has trouble relating to the common man. The twist this time is that he lives in Virginia, which as anyone from New York or Los Angeles is like living in Deliverance.

The Middle – We hope someone from Malcolm in the Middle sees this and gets very rich off the resulting lawsuit. This show appears to be exactly the same. It’s even a little known fact that all of the words in the title are contained in the phrase Malcolm in the Middle. That said Malcolm in the Middle was at least a hit.

Modern Family – This show looked genuinely amusing. Unfortunately it’s on ABC so it’ll be cancelled by January or completely ruined. As is it looks like The Office meets the family sitcom.