Coffee tastes good in the morning, by Q. Reyes – Artistic Warfare #38

September 6, 2009 Q. Reyes 1 Comment

Hello. My name is Jose Gonzales and Mr. Reyes asked me to write his column for him today. I told him I didn’t think I could because I hardly graduated elementary school. He told me not to worry because Microsoft Word would do a spell and grammar check for me automatically and fix my words, whether I want it to or not.

To tell you a little about me, my name is Jose Gonzales. There are a million of Jose Gonzales out there, and I’m one of them. I grew up in the United States but I just learned to speak English last year thanks to Ingles Sin Barreras – which is like the Rosetta Stone of Telemundo.

I told Reyes that I didn’t want to write this article, but then he yell at me and went outside with a big hammer and threatened to destroy my lawnmower. So here I am writing this. I didn’t think I could do it, but he said I have potential. Even though I don’t know what to write about, so I guess I’ll write about what I know. Coffee tastes good in the morning.

When I wake up, I drink coffee. In a cup. I make it, then I put it in the cup and I add milk and sugar and I drink it. It’s delicious. Sometimes I eat bread with the coffee, sometimes just by itself. I like to drink it while it’s hot, but not too hot.

I don’t like Starbucks because it costs too much money. I like Bustelo or Spanish coffee from the Mexican market. I make it in my house and I drink it in my house. I’ve been drinking coffee since I was like five years old. At least that’s what I remember, but there are pictures of me drinking black coffee straight from a baby bottle as a newborn. I guess it’s a Latino thing.

Sometimes I drink so much coffee that I get too much hyper. I run and I run and stuff. Then I crash. Nothing better than a chorizo burrito to recover. Then I have more coffee. Coffee was made by God to give us strength and stain our teeth. I love God and I love coffee. Please don’t make me choose.

My girlfriend had an abortion last year. I don’t know why. I asked her, why did you have an abortion? And she just laughed. Like ja, ja, ja, ja. I was crying a lot and she said I was a pussy. I don’t know why she’s so mean. We live together along with her best friend. Her best friend is a big Black man that is very mean to me. He tells me mean stuff and he makes me make him coffee. I don’t like him very much, but he makes my girlfriend happy.

Sometimes before I used to think something was going on between them, but until she told me he was gay. I didn’t believe her at first but then he proved it to me. He made me toss his salad like in prison. If you don’t know about toss salad, trust me it has nothing to do with food. Now I believe he’s gay.

My mother tells me I’m stupid because I put up with all of my girlfriend’s stuff and her best friend, but I love her. I love her as much as I love coffee. But the difference is that my girlfriend don’t taste good in the morning like coffee does.

Okay, thank you very much. I have to click spell check now. Bye.

Yours truly,

Jose Gonzales-Virrasquel