Emmy Liveblog, by Arthur Tebbel & Chris Toia – Pop Art… and Chris #42

September 22, 2009 Arthur Tebbel & Chris Toia 1 Comment

Dear Art & Chris,

Wouldn’t it be cool if you guys liveblogged the Emmys?  As an avid reader I’ve always wondered what it would be like if you guys did your column live.

-Neil Patrick Harris, Host

 

Neil,

Alright we’ll do it but only because we think you’re super funny.  Hopefully nothing on this broadcast will make us reconsider that.  Like if you tried to justify every failed joke.
8:02 – Neil Patrick Harris is going crazy with being out of the closet by doing a show tune opening.  We’re off to a great start.  We will buy any reader of this column a beer if he doesn’t do a magic trick at some point.

8:04 – We’re glad they’re tackling the important questions like if Christina Hendricks or Jon Hamm is a better representation of their gender.

8:05 – So Harris is ripping off an Animaniacs bit?

8:06 – I love when people explain their jokes.  They couldn’t possibly be 27 minutes behind!

8:07 – I thought the Seinfeld reunion was going to be on Curb Your Enthusiasm.  Pretty sure Harris just did “What’s the deal with the lack of theme songs on TV?”
 

8:08 – Oh my god Neil Patrick Harris just died on stage during the opening.  Luckily he had that Kanye reference to save him.

8:10 – So they’re dividing the show into genre and comedy goes first.  We are going to stop caring about this show in about 30 minutes.

8:12 – There is a lot of CBS in this year in comedy montage.

8:13 – Chris is booing Zach Braff.  There’s a long story behind this.

8:14 – Watching that montage it would seem there are only five shows on TV with jokes.  One of those is categorized on my on-screen guide as a drama.

8:15 – We are 90% sure Jon Hamm fingerblasted Tina Fey before they went on stage.

8:16 – They made all the nominees for Supporting Actress had to do funny eyewear.  I didn’t think TV could be marginalized in this town.

8:17 – Watching comic actresses cry is very uncomfortable.

8:21 – The editing on this is sort of awful.  They won’t be winning the Emmy for best awards show next year.

8:22 – The Reunion wins best writing for comedy.  We think this was the funniest half hour of TV last year.

8:23 – Matt Hubbard thanks Walter Patterson for punching him as a kid.  While this is happening we’re sure Walter Patterson is punching his wife.

8:25 – We will not dignify the Harlem Globetrotter bit with commentary.

8:26 – The Supporting Actors don’t seem to have to do something stupid.

8:27 – We would have accepted anyone but this dude from Two and a Half Men.

8:27 – Please Kanye this dude Tracy Morgan.

8:28 – Please Kanye this dude Tracy Morgan.

8:28 – Ah shit it’s not going to happen.

8:35 – Lead actresses didn’t have to do something stupid either.  Maybe that bit just bombed so they pulled it.  Sarah Silverman is wearing a mustache.  She is still super hot.

8:36 – Toni Colette wins.  Half of Pop Art… and Chris have not even heard of this show.  Neither have seen it.

 

8:36 – We don’t want to start a riot but if this chick was running a marathon someone would want a piss test.

8:39 – Who told John Cryer to wear a bumblebee suit?

8:40 – Really low energy on this guest star bit.  This sucks.

8:43 – Travesty.  Generalissimo from 30 Rock was the right answer.  Also the 30 Rock bits on the nominees were funnier than all of last season of The Office.

8:45 – We turn away to watch the end of the Giants Cowboys game.  Giants kick the winning field goal twice.  Eat it Cowboys.

8:47 – We turn back to see more commercials.

8:48 – “Rob Lowe always looks like such a cocksucker.  Can I draw a cock on your TV going into his mouth” – Chris.

8:49 – Chris is booing loudly.

8:50 – If Two and a Half Men sweep the acting Emmys Chris and I are going to throw a garbage can through the Academy for Television Arts & Sciences window like Do the Right Thing.

8:51 – How awesome would it be if he accepted this award as the Mexican soap star from The Generalissimo episode.

8:52 – Could Lorne Michaels more resemble The Godfather?  Justin Timberlake, Tina Fey, and now Alec Baldwin have all kissed his ass on stage and he just sits there with his hands folded.

8:53 – Glad they didn’t bother to animate anything new for Family Guy.

8:54 – Reality show awards…great.

8:55-10:54 – In lieu of watching the reality awards we got incredibly drunk, sang some music, talked shit about each other in a makeshift confessional booth, watched those confessions when we thought each other weren’t looking, and took over the block doing bizarre physical challenges.  We think Art married a millionaire and Chris is the next top something.  

10:54 – When we finally got back into the show, 30 Rock had just won best comedy.  We are less than shocked.

11:01 – Oh hey and Mad Men wins too.  Just in time for people flipping over from the end of the new episode of Mad Men.  What an insane coincidence.