Columbus Day My Eye, by Mike Gold – Brainiac On Banjo #139
October 12, 2009 Mike Gold 4 Comments
I once asked a guy I knew in the American Indian Movement – A.I.M; no relation to the Marvel Comics villains who created Modoc – why they still used the word “Indian” in their name. He said, and I quote, “because that stupid bastard Columbus thought he was going to India.” Then he spit on the ground.
That was the day I stopped using the phrase “Native American.” I’ve never been big on that politically correct crap anyway – people think by changing the language they’ve solved the problem and can therefore feel swell about their liberal asses. The phrase “native American,” it was explained to me, is very condescending. They weren’t Americans and, besides, we still don’t treat those folks like Americans. They were forced to trade their homelands at gunpoint for disease, poverty, despair, and mockery.
I never understood the purpose of Columbus Day. I know I’m going to piss off some Italians here and, honestly, no offense is meant. But, hell, the truth is the truth. Columbus’s expedition to find a new route to India wasn’t an Italian expedition. It was Spanish.
The Italians were the smart ones: they said Columbus was full of it by proposing to sail west to find India, and they wouldn’t pony up a penny. And, get this: the Italians were right. It turns out New Delhi, India is a long way from Columbus Ohio.
But that’s not the part of Columbus Day that really offends me.
Neither Christopher Columbus nor Leif Erikson discovered the Americas. The place was already occupied by a whole lot of different peoples. They lived here first. A very few still do. You can’t discover a place that’s already been discovered. There’s a difference between “discovery” and “invasion.” Ask the Hawaiians.
The fact that the sons and daughters of Europeans spent the next several centuries systematically exterminating the native population from their own lands doesn’t mean that the Europeans are in the right. Committing genocide shouldn’t earn anybody a parade.
Columbus had as much to do with discovering the Americas as I had with the discovery of a cure for cancer. It’s our annual statement that we’re glad to be here at the expense of the native population, for whom genocide was almost complete.
I’d say “a pox on Columbus Day,” except we already laced our blankets with smallpox as our “present” to the Indians. We were being nice: we thought they wanted to go to their happy hunting grounds so we could build empty condos on their lands.
Sadly, the way we successfully crapped on the Indians has shaped both our foreign and our racial policies ever since. Happy Columbus Day, indeed.
Mike Gold performs the weekly two-hour Weird Sounds Inside The Gold Mind ass-kicking bizarro music and blather show starts up Sundays at 7:00 PM Eastern on www.getthepointradio.com , replayed the following Thursdays at 10:00 PM Eastern. Likewise, his Weird Scenes Inside The Gold Mind rants pop up every on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday exclusively at www.getthepointradio.com . The regular Weird Scenes Inside The Gold Mind rants continue every Monday and Friday on The Point podcasts, available right here at www.michaeldavisworld.com , as well as at www.comicmix.com,www.getthepointradio.com, www.zzcomics.com, and www.ravenwolfstudios.com. You can subscribe to The Point podcasts at iTunes by searching under “The Point Radio.”
Gold is also a regular contributor to www comicmix.com, and edits their online comic book content. Check out the all-new GrimJack: The Manx Cat #5 and Jon Sable Freelance: Ashes of Eden #3, along with the first volume of Trevor Von Eeden’s astonishing bio-comic, The Original Johnson, now being solicited in the IDW Publishing section of this month’s Diamond catalog.
Martha Thomases
October 12, 2009 - 6:09 am
As John Hodgeman said on Twitter this morning: “Canadian Thanksgiving, I believe, is the alternate universe Thanksgiving where the Natives give **us** the small pox.”
Reg
October 12, 2009 - 6:55 am
You, sir…are a truth sayer.
Tony Isabella
October 12, 2009 - 8:56 am
My mother and I were talking about Columbus Day this morning. We agreed we could find a better Italian to represent our people. I suggested her or my dad, but I figure that would be a hard sell to the rest of the country.
Mike Gold
October 12, 2009 - 9:09 am
I’d vote for Al Ferreri, Frances Pacelli and Chris Pacelli, but that’s probably a bit too parochial for most folks.
If you care to know what I’m babbling about: http://www.alsbeef.com/company/about.asp
Reg
October 12, 2009 - 1:30 pm
My votes are for Enrique Fermi….without whom we might never have known Dr. Manhattan.
Or Signore Zamboni…Hang on Snoopy! Snoopy Hang on! 😉
Steven Atkins
October 12, 2009 - 1:36 pm
1) Columbus, in the logs/writings that have been published,refered to them as “Indios,” people of/close to God.
Being respectfully thought of as a spiritual being is not an insult.
“Indios” is where our modern term “Indian” comes from. Though, many people often make the assumption that it was because he just assumed he was in India.
2) Who gets offended by a holiday?
How bent out of shape do get over May Day? I have better things to do with my energy than to pissed off by a calendar marking that nobody really pays any REAL attention to.
If you really wanna get worked up, set your sites on a commercial holiday that is a REAL pain in the ass: Christmas.
I don’t have any problems with the sentimental or religious aspects of it. It’s the marketing/promotional crap that bugs me.
I went to a store a few days ago and I saw Halloween costumes AND Christmas lights on sale…at the same time…in the same aisle!
When I was a kid, Halloween was Halloween, Thanksgiving was Thanksgiving, and Jesus and Santa weren’t sticking their asses into them.
3) Discovery is about knowing a little bit more than you did a minute ago.
EVERYTHING that has been discovered was already here. We just didn’t know about it.
You’ll “discover” all sorts of things in your lifetime and pretty much every, single one of your “discoveries” were already around in some kind of form before you bothered to notice.
Columbus ventured out to prove a theory. Everybody around him thought he would fall off the face of the Flat Earth or be consumed by sea serpents or some such BS.
Even if his expedition was a failure, he proved that there was something other than a void out there.
Galileo had to put up with the same kind of crap.
Now we have slightly more accurate idea of how our world is shaped and how it works.
As K said in MEN IN BLACK, “Just imagine what we’ll ‘KNOW’ tomorrow.
4) I am not responsible for what others have done in the past. Period.
When I was a kid, EVERYBODY watched the ROOTS miniseries when it was aired on TV.
The next day all the “African-American” kids that had been my good close friends just 24 hours ago suddenly decided that I and everyone else with my skin tone were worthless white devils.
Look, I’m really sorry that the guy from Reading Rainbow got horsewhipped becuase some white guy wanted to call him “Toby” and he disagreed.
But, I didn’t do it, I didn’t like it, and I ain’t ya white devil.
File that under “Don’t Put Ya Damage On Me.”
I know that these terrible attrocities happened.
But, and here’s the tricky part, the modern human being SHOULD understand that it is a case of the following:
That Was Then, That Was Them. This Is Now, This Is Us.
It’s like President Obama being condemned for the stupid crap that George W. Bush did JUST because Bush preceeded him and did stupid things.
Different guy. Different time.
To conclude, my opinion is that the modern human society, especially in the bludgeoned-by-political/religious-nonsense United States, need to identify the crap, get rid of it, and start agreeing on WTF reality is.
No more spin doctoring. No more party political BS. No more sacrificing truth for the sake of one’s own or faction’s agenda.
Be good, be kind, and quit finding reasons to hate.
Disjointed as this post may seem, it’s truly what I think and how I feel at the moment.
Mike Gold
October 12, 2009 - 1:55 pm
Geez, I dunno. I think the systematic destruction of most of an entire race is a pretty good reason to hate. But if you disagree, my mom turns 94 in January. Give her a call on her birthday and tell her how she should get over the Holocaust which, by the way, was far less destructive on a percentage basis than what America did to the Indians.
As for Roots, well, hell, did the neighbors watch Tom an Jerry? Were there a lotta dead cats in your ‘hood?
I quite agree with you about Christmas. At best, it’s the most boring day of the year. Everything is closed. Everybody’s off. And not even all the Christians are in church, so I don’t get it. Why force it on the roughly half of us who don’t give a fuck?
Christmas has absolutely no business being a national holiday. I demand equal time for Saturnalia, which is where they stole all their Christmas traditions anyway. Best Christmas I had with my clothes on was the year my wife, daughter and I went to see the Beavis and Butthead movie.
We have our traditional Christmas lunch at a McDonald’s on I-95 in Fairfield CT because it’s the only place that’s open. And it’s VERY crowded; this year, we’re calling for reservations.
Marc Alan Fishman
October 12, 2009 - 2:44 pm
I’m shocked Mike. Christmas is national jews eat chinese day. You know that.
Alan Coil
October 12, 2009 - 3:03 pm
“Best Christmas I had with my clothes on…”
I’m torn between TMI and tell me more…
Mike Gold
October 12, 2009 - 3:26 pm
Marc, What can I say? I’m a non-conformist. Christmas is the only day I voluntarily eat McDonalds.
pennie
October 12, 2009 - 4:36 pm
If we’re gonna celebrate Italians I’d prefer Fibonacci and Kid Charlemagne.
Jonathan (the other one)
October 12, 2009 - 5:35 pm
Mr. Atkins, I’m not too sure about that “Indios” supposedly meaning “close to God” thing – but I can verify that you have your facts disorganized in another area, which makes me ask for references on this one.
Columbus was roundly ridiculed at the time not because people thoought he’d “fall off the edge” (the Greeks had prety well established that the world was round some centuries earlier), but because he was *dead wrong* about how *big* it was (the same Greeks had established its circumference as being about 25,000 miles; Columbus insisted it was only 5000). Had there not been a bloody great continent in his way, Columbus would have died in the middle of the Great Ocean Sea, trying to sail 21,000 miles rather than the 3000 he expected.
And yes, his writings indicate that he was firmly convinced he was indeed in the Indies, since he could not admit he was wrong about the size of Earth. His navigator, Amerigo Vespucci, reportedly knew what was going on, but couldn’t get the “great Columbus” to listen.
I have heard Columbus cited as the ultimate pure researcher. When he left, he didn’t know where he was going; when he got there, he didn’t know where he was; when he got back, he didn’t know where he’d been – and he did it all with a government grant!
Linda Gold
October 12, 2009 - 6:36 pm
Jonathan-
Thanks for correcting the world was flat nonsense. I was just about to when I read your post. People in the late middle ages may have been ignorant about a lot of things but they knew the world was round. Not every thing was lost when Rome fell and a lot of the ancient knowledge had been rediscovered by 1492. The flat earth stuff is a nice grade school story at best.
R. Maheras
October 12, 2009 - 7:13 pm
The indigenous population of what is currently referred to as the Americas were slaughtering each other mercilessly (including genocide), and displacing each other, long before Columbus stumbled across this part of the world. The Aztecs, for example, were a militaristic society ala Nazi Germany or Sparta, so it’s hard for me to mourn their downfall at the hand of the Spanish Conquistadors.
That said, it doesn’t make what the Europeans and European descendants did in the Americas during the next 300 years or so OK by today’s standards — especially to the smattering of benign tribes that were in the way of colonizers. But such was the norm back then… not just for European powers, but for any conquering nation or tribe anywhere on the planet.
Allegedly we are more civilized now, but that won’t last long now that the nuclear genie is REALLY out of the bottle… or if/when Mother Nature decides to throw a mega-disaster our way.
Steven Atkins
October 13, 2009 - 1:59 am
Mike Gold – “Geez, I dunno. I think the systematic destruction of most of an entire race is a pretty good reason to hate. But if you disagree, my mom turns 94 in January. Give her a call on her birthday and tell her how she should get over the Holocaust which, by the way, was far less destructive on a percentage basis than what America did to the Indians.”
Do you or your mother blame ME for the Holocaust? I have some German blood in my very mixed heritage. Perhaps, in your eyes, that makes me SOMEHOW accountable for what happened MANY YEARS before I was even born, in a foreign country.
It’s that whole finding-a-reason-to-hate-and-putting-the-damage-where-it-doesn’t-belong thing I was talking about in my earlier post.
But, if you or your mother REALLY want to hate me, you can.
After all, my former friends tried to kick my ass because Kunte Kinte got his foot cut off and that SOMEHOW became MY fault.
“As for Roots, well, hell, did the neighbors watch Tom an Jerry? Were there a lotta dead cats in your ‘hood?”
Apples and oranges, Mike. There were never (to my knowledge, and I have watched most of the earlier cartoons) expressed as a true story.
BTW, I was always confused as to why people thought that Mammy Longsocks (or whatever her designation was) was supposed to be a maid or a house servant.
I always thought that it was HER house and that Tom was HER cat.
If she WAS a maid, why would anybody let their maid beat the living crap out of their pet cat?
Jonathan (the otherone) “Mr. Atkins, I’m not too sure about that “Indios” supposedly meaning “close to God” thing – but I can verify that you have your facts disorganized in another area, which makes me ask for references on this one.”
Linda Gold – “The flat earth stuff is a nice grade school story at best.”
Mr.(the other one), since we are being so formal, my facts are not “disorganized.”
As Mrs. Gold has stated, precisely striking hammer to nail-head, my information was provided by the public school system.
Due to my parents’ excessive traveling during my youth, I was educated by a combination of numerous schools in several different states across the country.
ANY education I have is the result of the teachings I received from teachers in the North, South, East, and West.
So, if you want references, it will take me QUITE A WHILE to gather up a list for you.
If what I have been taught is inaccurate, however, then those who have taught me did not do their job properly.
Although, I must admit that, in the case of Columbus for example, the subject was not of enough importance to me to try to search beyond what I was taught in my various schools.
Since the information I was taught was consistent from state to state, I never considered that it would be incorrect.
Martha Thomases
October 13, 2009 - 6:10 am
@Marc: You don’t want to eat the Chinese food in Mike’s neighborhood.
Mike Gold
October 13, 2009 - 6:42 am
Russ: Yep, some of the aboriginal Americans weren’t exactly role models for Utopian living, but that’s apples and oranges. For example, the murder rate in Chicago in 2008 was, well, horrific (it’s a lot lower this year, I’m happy to say since I’ll be driving in there next month). That wouldn’t justify an invasion from an equally warlike people from, say, nearby Gary Indiana. Even if that invasion were limited to the Englewood neighborhood, the elimination of which would improve Chicago’s stats dramatically.
(I’ve always been fascinated by the fact that crime and murder skyrocketed in Englewood back in 1893 thanks to “Doctor” H.H. Holmes, and it’s continued to be horrific to this day — over 110 years after Holmes’ mansion was burned down.)
Mike Gold
October 13, 2009 - 6:46 am
Steve: I’ve reread your reply several times, and I’ve decided to take you up on your offer. I want to thank you for making my life so much easier by providing the focus I so desperately lacked.
As for Tom and Jerry, I’m distressed to see that those stories were fiction. This will force me to reconsider my solution to the automobile exhaust / climate change problem, but I won’t have to chop down a tree and work on strengthening my foot callouses.
Damn you, Hanna and Barbera! I TRUSTED you!
Mike Gold
October 13, 2009 - 6:54 am
Martha: Actually, we’ve now got at least two very good Asian restaurants within about a mile and a half of our place (which isn’t bad for Fairfield County). One’s an Asian fusion place that is as well-designed as it is tasty — they’ve got the only salad dressing I like east of Lawry’s. The other is a Japanese / Chinese place that is quite good, and that hosts the Saturday afternoon gathering of old cartoonists, a long tradation out here.
So it’s official: we’ve got lots of great Italian, and a reasonable about of great Asian, and absolutely nothing else worth eating whatsoever, period. Except for what we cook here.
R. Maheras
October 13, 2009 - 8:44 am
Mike Gold wrote: “That wouldn’t justify an invasion from an equally warlike people from, say, nearby Gary Indiana. Even if that invasion were limited to the Englewood neighborhood…”
Mike Gold wrote: “That wouldn’t justify an invasion from an equally warlike people from, say, nearby Gary Indiana. Even if that invasion were limited to the Englewood neighborhood…”
A long-time buddy of mine was originally from Englewood, but he steers clear of the place now. Too much indiscriminate gunfire.
Mike Gold
October 13, 2009 - 8:56 am
Yup. It’s amazing: so much violence concentrated in such a small area. I did a comics store appearance there about 15 years ago; had a great time, talked with the neighborhood fans AND their parents for hours. My north side friends thought I was crazy for going there, but I knew that if I parked right in front of the store, the neighborhood would show me respect. It was great.
Today, if that store were still around (Mike’s On Mars; it’s not), I don’t think I’d take the risk. And that really sucks.
According to Chicago Magazine, the average price for a house in Englewood this past year was less than $25,000. By comparison, the average price for a house in the nearby Bridgeport neighborhood is $315,000. That’s still well below that of the trendy neighborhoods — Lincoln Park is running about a million-eight; you can buy 72 houses in Englewood for that kind of money. But Englewood’s still more expensive than, say… Detroit.
Steve Atkins
October 13, 2009 - 12:02 pm
Mike Gold – All the cartoons lied to us.
There is no left turn at Albuquerque.
Wimpy will NEVER pay you Tuesday for his hamburger today.
There is no power of Grayskull.
….Now I find out that my teachers were wrong about Columbus!
My life has been a Lie.
*sob*
Mike Gold
October 13, 2009 - 12:25 pm
Sigh. I really miss those Wimpy’s Restaurants that used to be in Chicago. When I was a kid, they were great. The company that owns the British and African franchising operation is, when last seen, still there, so I keep hoping for a comeback.
They probably weren’t as good as I remember (they are quite, quite different in England; real crap), but I still miss ’em. There was one next door to the Clark Theater, an old movie revival house that changed its double feature every day. That’s where I first saw the Marx Bros, a lot of Hitchcock, and about a million other great movies. Usually went to Wimpy’s before or after, so I credit “the glorified hamburger” with expanding my movie horizons.
Steve Atkins
October 13, 2009 - 5:56 pm
By the time I got to Chicago (isn’t that a song title?), Wimpy’s was talked about from time to time, but was a distant memory.
Sometimes, I miss living in Chicago. There were always some REALLY good Jazz and Blues clubs to be found.
I don’t miss The Hawk! I must have run over an old Gypsy woman in an earlier life because The Hawk LOVED me! That wind seemed to actually stalk me around building corners.
Do they still call it “The Hawk” or was that just in the neighborhood I lived in at the time.
Mike Gold
October 14, 2009 - 7:45 am
There are still a lot of great jazz and blues clubs in Chicago, Steve. And a healthy number of bluegrass and rockabilly joints. Less so folk clubs; the city used to be awash in them. They started to die off before Steve Goodman, who I still miss greatly.
I don’t think The Hawk was used much on the north side when I was growing up. I thought Lou Rawls invented the term. Still, there are several points where the wind can cut you in two — northwest corner of Devon and Sheridan, State Street north of the River…
However, the term “The Windy City” did NOT come from the weather. In fact, according to the almanac the average winds in Chicago are about the same as than those in lower Manhattan. The term actually came from the POLITICS in Chicago. Specifically, the way Chicago grabbed the 1893 Columbian Exposition from New York and Philadelphia. “Those bags of wind from the windy city,” the editor of the New York Sun stated with disgust. Of course, he was a former Chicagoan.
And by taking this back to Columbus, I am once again on-topic!
Steve Atkins
October 14, 2009 - 12:11 pm
Mike – When the cold wind went up one pants, darted around the janglies, and whipped out the other pants leg, I can’t say that disputing the “Windy City” nickname was much of a priority.
“And by taking this back to Columbus, I am once again on-topic!”
Mike Gold, Master Of Circular Conversation!
Or MOCC, not quite as cool as, say, MOTU. But, it IS something you can put on a business card.
Mike Gold
October 14, 2009 - 12:15 pm
Oh, I don’t dispute the Windy City title. I’m just putting it in historical context. Most Chicagoans don’t know that story — and for good reason. Stand in the Chicago River wind tunnel at Michigan or Wabash, north side of the River, and talk about how balmy it is.
Marc Alan Fishman
October 15, 2009 - 8:37 am
I didn’t know this became a forum on Chicago. Glad I came back. @ Martha… you’re right, I bet the chinese in CT sucks. Here in Chicago, if I want real chinese, I go to Chinatown, and find any restaurant with more than “3” Happy’s in the name.
Chicago is full of blow hard politician’s…. and great food. As a youngster still, I have yet to discover most of it first hand. But I did once grab lunch at Miller’s Pub with a great former Chicagoan and his wife.
@Steve… I like that you bring debate to these columns, but I think you fail to see the obvious. Mike needs to be aim the anger somewhere… and silly national celebrations are an easy target. As school children we’re taught to embrace and love these lil’ holidays… but COME ON. Do you think I gave a damn about Columbus “finding” America? Hell. No. I celebrated the day all kids in my generation did… I called up my best friend, bought some comics, and enjoyed a day off.
Steve Atkins
October 15, 2009 - 12:16 pm
Mike Gold – “Stand in the Chicago River wind tunnel at Michigan or Wabash, north side of the River, and talk about how balmy it is.”
True.
I travelled to Chicago a few years ago. I remembered when a friend and I used to go to his uncle’s place. We used to sit and listen to the record collection. I am talking Chess, Cobra, and even Howling Wolf’s original Sun pressings.
I still have memories of the sounds of Muddy Waters combined with the smells of that basement.
I went back to Maxwell Street and found that the dying blues locale had finally passed away.
I was much more disturbed by my journey to Memphis, Tenn. The once legendary Beale Street had long ago been replaced by a gawdy tourist trap.
It reminded me of my final days in Chicago. Having lived in both the North Side and the South Side, it was very disappointing when my father had to change jobs and moved us to La Grange.
While he worked in Cicero, I felt as if I had been transplanted from the earth toa plastic-coated environment filled with Stepford wives and children.
A month or two later, we left Illinois entirely and moved to a motel just outside the Dallas/Fort Worth area of Texas.
I spent a good two years of my life in Chicago. A VERY good two years.
@ Marc – Mike writes whatever he likes. It’s his column and he should be able to do that.
I just used his column as a springboard for expressing my frustrations at one of my favorite holidays being crushed by the Christmas Marketing Machine.
I was also expressing my thoughts and opinions. If that is failing to see the obvious, the I guess I did. All I know is that I just read and understood what was written and took part, in my bizarre fashion. I have always had great respect for Mike and, as far as I’m concerned, nothing in this spirited exchange has altered that at all.
Now, in a effort to get us back on topic again…the REAL story of Columbus:
There were actually FOUR ships: the Nina, the Pinta, the Santa Maria, and THE SS MINNOW.
Since the wise and educated (except for how to fix holes in boats) Professor was on the Minnow and the Minnow was (as you well know) lost, Columbus could not find his way to India.
We now return to Mike Gold Presents Columbus Day: Terrible Reminder Of Manifest Destiny already in prgress…
Jeremiah Avery
October 15, 2009 - 12:46 pm
As someone of Italian descent, I take no offense. It’s amazing that when I was a kid, it was indoctrinated into us that Columbus was sailing to prove that the Earth was round and then later it was revised to be that his goal was to find a western route to India. As I got older and found more credible sources, it’s really something how much honoring is bestowed upon someone who wasn’t the most noble of people.
As I told someone at work “we are celebrating a guy who got lost. But hey, a paid day off is a paid day off”.
Ever hear Eddie Izzard’s routine about “A cunning use of flags”? It really addresses and mocks the concepts of conquest and “discovery”.
Mike Gold
October 15, 2009 - 1:09 pm
Yeah, when I was looking through my iTunes to find some material for Weird Scenes Inside The Gold Mind (getthepointradio.com), I was amazed at how much appropriate stuff there was from the comedy-inclined: Carlin, Hicks, Izzard… Med Brooks had it right: comedians are really just stand-up philosophers.
“Take my set. Please.”
Marc Alan Fishman
October 15, 2009 - 2:24 pm
@Mike… how about Patton Oswalt and David Cross?
Mike Gold
October 15, 2009 - 7:05 pm
I’ve never been sure about Cross — whether I like him or not. And that’s probably to his credit. I enjoy Oswalt a lot, and since he made a major contribution to John Ostrander and Comix4Sight, I like him even more.
R. Maheras
October 16, 2009 - 2:23 pm
Something else Englewood is now known for, according to CBS News, Chicago:
“CHICAGO (CBS) ? About one in seven girls at Robeson High School are pregnant. Officials say a variety of factors are to blame. It is a Chicago public school full of energy and spirit. It has about 800 girls, and 115 of them have something in common – something you might find disturbing. All those young ladies are moms or moms-to-be at Paul Robeson High School. It’s not a school for young mothers, it’s a neighborhood school. And all of the pregnancies have happened, despite prevention talk.”
This is why, when Democrats say, “We can solve this or that problem better than the Republicans,” my first reflexive response is, “Oh, shut up!!!”
Chicago has been totally run by Democrats for 75 years. 75 freakin’ years! And while it’s a great city with a lot going for it, there are some problems that just never seem to get fixed by the Democrats, no matter how big a stink is raised or how high taxes are.
Frankly, a city as entrenched, politically, as Chicago is should be a pretty good petrie dish as to what really works in the Democratic platform and what just will never work.
What doesn’t work? Raising taxes to the highest level in the contiguous United States has not lowered significantly the Chicago murder rate, nor has gun control, so stringent, practically the only people who own handguns are criminals.
Stratospheric taxes also haven’t fixed Chicago schools, which still score poorly when compared to other schools around the nation. According to a recent WGN-TV report, “Nationally administered tests consistently show Chicago scores near the bottom.”
And have Chicago’s high taxes eliminated the homeless? Hell no. Despite its brutal winters, Chicago has thousands and thousands of homeless people. They are everywhere — especially downtown.
What about diversity? Well, while Chicago, like New York City, is a true melting pot, despite all the claims by Democrats that theirs is a party of the people, where diversity is king, blah, blah, blah, the fact is, after 75 freakin’ years, Chicago is still a largely segregated city. In that regards, how is Chicago any different than largely Republican cities, or cities where the political balance shifts from blue to red on occasion? In truth, Chicago really isn’t any different.
OK, so what works?
Chicago is relatively clean — especially for a big city. Public transportation is pretty darn good. And Chicago has a terrific park system — probably one of the best in the world for a big city. Its highway system, while congested at times, is still way better than in New York City or Los Angeles. At least with Chicago traffic jams, there is generally some movement. Even traffic downtown moves pretty good most of the time. The same can’t be said for places like, say, Manhattan. The airports aren’t too bad either, at least when it comes to getting from one terminal to another. In Philadelphia, for example, walking from one end of the airport to the other might literally take you a half hour.
So now you know why, even though I’m not, nor ever have been, a Republican, I sometimes sound like one. It’s just that I know the failings of the Democrats all too well.
Mike Gold
October 16, 2009 - 4:30 pm
Let me start by assuming you don’t want a return to the type of government we had during the reign of the last Republican mayor in Chicago, Russ. That being William Hale Thompson, toady for the Capone mob (his successor, Anton Cermak, ordered a police hit on Frank Nitti) and one of the most blatantly corrupt guys in American history. Although he was great fun and not a stupid guy: during a City Council debate he threatened to punch the King of England in the nose. Why? Did the King disparage the City of Broad Shoulders? Nope. Chicago had — and largely still has — an Irish population larger than virtually all cities in Ireland.
Having said that, I must admit I simply disagree with your premise. The high teenage pregnancy rate at one of its high schools is not the fault of the Democrats or the Republicans or the Liberals or the Conservatives. (Well, maybe the Conservatives.) It’s not the fault of the mayor or the head of the board of education, who is now our Secretary of Education and is pretty highly regarded within that industry. It’s not the fault of the churches or the courts or the Communist Party.
It’s the fault of the parents. Pure and simple. If you want to tag the media on this as well, I’d understand — but it’s up to the parents to set their children’s values, and no one else. Beginning, middle and end. If a parent can’t cut it, well, they’ll probably get their own reality show.
Chicago’s schools have improved, quite a bit. Yes, they were even worse than they are now. A lot worse. That’s because for 20 years Daley The First simply gave into the demands of the teacher’s union after a swell show of locking everybody in a hotel room “until they sorted their problems out.” After a respectable amount of time, they were let out and the union won the day. So there was a lot of really rotten teachers and worse administrators tied to virtually lifetime jobs.
Yeah, Chicago has lots of homeless. Sorry to say, I see more in warmer cities like San Diego and Los Angeles, but the reasons for that are quite logical. Chicago is still the nation’s hub: the trains all come to Chicago; none pass through. The buses enjoy pretty much the same thing. So to the planes, to the extent that’s possible for the downtrodden. So Chicago gets more than their fair share of desperate people who hope to make it in the nearest biggest city they can get to, and many strike out. And some of them freeze to death underneath Michigan Avenue, a stone’s throw from many of the wealthiest hotels and property values in the nation.
Chicago’s cultural scene remains second to none. The music scene has always been fantastic; from the jazz clubs of the 20s to the blues clubs of the 50s to the folk clubs of the 60s to bluegrass, rockabilly and even country scene in more recent times. And for more than 40 years Chicago’s had a theater scene that off-Broadway dreams about but has never come close to achieving. The literacy scene remains strong – Hecht, Sandburg, Bradbury, Dick, Algren, Farrell, Mamet, Bellow, Hemingway, Brooks, Terkel, Chandler, Paretsky, Royko. That’s some tradition.
It’s political tradition is also quite amazing. Sure, there’s the Hinky Dink Kennas and the William Hale Thompsons and the Donald Rumsfelds, but there’s also Saul Alinski, Jane Addams, Clarence Darrow, Barack Obama.
And what other city could give us Anton LeVey, Shel Silverstein, Stuart Gordon, AND Bo Diddley?
Yes, a version of the Democratic party — the Chicago version — has ruled the city non-stop since 1931. Some did good, some did not. And none of them had anything to do with any of the people I noted above… except Obama, who’s a work in progress. Being the first black president does count for something in and of itself.
But we disagree about the airports. I’d rather drive from Connecticut to Chicago than fly into O’Hare or Midway, and I do, about four times a year.
MOTU
October 16, 2009 - 5:38 pm
36 now 37 comments????
My next article is about Black History month and why I hate it!!
R. Maheras
October 16, 2009 - 8:16 pm
Hey, MOTU — Chicagoans love to talk about Chicago — even when they’re complaining about it.
It’s in our DNA.
Mike Gold
October 17, 2009 - 7:33 am
MOTU, if it’s about black history month, it better be short.
Russ, you’re damn straight. EVERY conversation between Chicagoans sounds like it’s happening at a neighborhood tavern.