I Like Big Butts But I Can Not Fly, by Arthur Tebbel & Chris Toia – Pop Art… and Chris #63
February 16, 2010 Arthur Tebbel & Chris Toia 0 Comments
Dear Art & Chris,
I have had the weekend from hell. This weekend filmmaker Kevin Smith was kicked off one of our planes for allegedly being too wide for the seat. He instantly made this an issue on Twitter to his 1.6 million followers. Our account was subsequently slammed with responses and we issued a public apology Sunday night. We have had this policy in place for 25 years, why is this suddenly a problem now?
-Christi Day, Emerging Media Specialist, Southwest Airlines
Christi,
This has always been a problem, it is a problem that is blowing up in your face because you just did it to a famous person. The people you kick off flights or bully into buying an extra ticket usually are probably too embarrassed or don’t have a suitable platform to demand vengeance. In this case someone in your organization seemed to want to make an example of someone and didn’t know who they were messing with. Do you offer everyone booted from a flight a hundred dollar voucher? Or do you pass out Weight Watcher’s coupons? Does everyone get a call from your VP of Customer Service or do you just have a lap band surgeon in his or her area get in touch? You don’t get sympathy just because someone has shone a light on your shitty practices. Live by your sword or die by it.
That said these people on Twitter are lying to you. Anyone on Twitter who isn’t already morbidly obese (we estimate that is about 19 users) is just sucking up to famous people. They all grumble when a heavy person sits next to them but now because the Clerks dude is getting fucked with they’re all falling in line. I anticipate after a week of negative coverage (and you guys are lucky Leno is off the air because he would eat this up) your business will go back to normal. The Internet is a place where everyone acts tough and then they still go for the cheapest fare to ride your shitty Greyhound Bus-like airline. Let’s be honest, people who really give a shit were already flying Jet Blue. If you want the Internet back on your side we know what to do. You guys are famous for doing special paintjobs on your planes, deck one out in LOLcats and everyone will be back on your side.
That said the real shocker in this for us at Pop Art & Chris is that Kevin Smith has written and directed seven films with another film he directed releasing this month. He flies coach on domestic flights? How much more could it possibly cost to fly business class on a better airline? I get the appeal of flying out of Burbank, it’s really a top five airport, but he had spent just a little bit of his fat Clerks: The Animated Series cash on some real airline tickets a whole plane full of people wouldn’t have had to see Silent Bob get kicked off an airplane for being too fat. I don’t know what that dude’s dignity is worth but the bidding on ours starts at at least a couple grand. OK we’re lying you could have our dignity for anything. If we thought we could make it in show business by being those guys famous for being too fat to fly on airplanes we would be washing down our sticks of butter with malted milkshakes.
Martha Thomases
February 16, 2010 - 6:03 am
The really annoying part of this Kevin Smith thing is that HE ALREADY PAID FOR TWO TICKETS! For some reason, he was getting on an earlier flight, but, again, HE ALREADY PAID FOR TWO TICKETS! If they didn’t have two seats available on that flight, they shouldn’t have let him switch, but once they decided they could, they owed him two seats.
Vinnie Bartilucci
February 16, 2010 - 6:23 am
The whole story is far more fascinating than the one-sentence version everybody’s hearing. It was a steady stream of poor choices, bad alibis and underwhelming atempts to make up for it. He blasted it all out on his recent smodcast for all to hear. http://smodcast.com/
As I’m always saying, nine times out of ten a customer service disaster doesn’t happen when someone makes a mistake, but when they try to explain why they weren’t wrong in the first place. I can give any number of examples of this in my life, as progressively higher levels of management try to justify their emplyee’s choices, until eventually someone says “You are the customer, you are upset, I am sorry, how do we make this right?” Which should be the FIRST thing out of their mouths. But everyone’s so litigation-shy nowadays, nobody wants to admit a mistake or any culpability.
The part that really drove him over the top is that after he gets on a plane (proboarded, and with a ROW to himself) and another plump lady sits with him (with en empty seat in between, mind), they pulled her off the plane and basically told,her she needs to buy a second seat next time. He lost it.
Marc Alan Fishman
February 16, 2010 - 9:43 am
Art and Chris:
As Vinnie linked the the smodcast on this… if you give it a listen you’ll find out that Kevin and his wife fly on Southwest when it’s short flights, like Burbank to Oakland and back. They do this because for the money, he can buy 2 seats for added comfort, and not be out extra cash. Yes, we’re pretty sure Kevin has fat stacks of cash to his name, but he’s still a real guy, with lower-middle class roots. I think it’s cool a guy in his position would choose not to waste money on a better airline for a 1 hour flight… albeit it looks like he’ll be on Jet Blue from now on!
McCarthy
February 16, 2010 - 1:26 pm
If Kevin Smith had only taken all that Clerks: The Animated Series cash out of his pockets, he might’ve gotten those armrests down and crisis averted. But he doesn’t trust banks. Or “bankable” stars like Seth Rogen. Or Elizabeth Banks.
Marc Alan Fishman
February 16, 2010 - 3:22 pm
@McCarthy … What do you mean exactly? Kevin Smith, while certainly living the good life, is hardly a billionaire. As he himself admitted on his “Evening with…” DVDs… he’s the type to make some dough, and spend it. Then when the coffers are running a lil’ dry, go back to the well and be creative. And as far as I’d ever read, Kevin Smith didn’t have any issues with Rogen or Banks. Did he?
McCarthy
February 16, 2010 - 4:05 pm
I mean that Kevin Smith likely didn’t make very much money from Clerks: The Animated Series, or as you point out, likely doesn’t have much of it left if he did make any money from Clerks: The Animated Series, playing off of A&C’s joking reference to the “fat cash” Kevin Smith (again, likely did NOT) make from Clerks: The Animated Series. The other part just had variations on the word “bank” in rapid succession, something I thought jokingly referred to another Kevin Smith project that also made “fat cash” (read: did NOT make “fat cash”). I mean, exactly, to make a joke.
I am sincerely sorry for your comments section experience on Southwest Airlines, I mean, on I Like Big Butts But I Can Not Fly, by Arthur Tebbel & Chris Toia – Pop Art . . . and Chris #63.
R. Maheras
February 16, 2010 - 5:34 pm
Is Kevin Smith really all that big now?
I saw him about five years ago at a CBLDF auction and he seemed fairly normal-sized at that point in time.
John Tebbel
February 17, 2010 - 2:06 pm
All part of the race to the bottom. Crummy airlines to go with our Marts d’Wal. Dig those new appetizers on the Friday’s $20 menu. Directors cutting corners on short hops. Studios beating down his quote. And the newer, giant airplanes always have piano bars in the concept stages. Remember the sketches of the standing room “seats” for short hops?