Bizness, by Michael Davis – Straight No Chaser #159

March 19, 2010 Michael Davis 1 Comment

I wrote a crazy hardcore rant about a certain editor at a certain comic book company who really pissed me the fish off the other day. Well he actually pissed me off a while ago but it just seeped in. That ever happened to you? Have you ever had something piss you off but you did not notice until later? Man, it took all my will power not to run that rant. Instead what follows is my annual ‘career’ article…

Two good friends of mine had major career changes this week. One left a company the other joined a company. The person who left the company did so because the boss at the company was making her employment there a nightmare. The person who joined a company had been looking for just this type of opportunity. Last night I had a talk with a young woman who has an unrealistic view of the job market. She’s smart, talented with a stunning academic transcript. She’s graduating this June and is wondering why she has not been hired by anyone when her less than stellar roommate has. I told her the reason she had not been hired is 2 simple words…

ATTI-TUDE.

She’s has a horrible attitude and I told her so.

I have not had a real job in over 20 (since I was 5 Jean) years.  By real job, I mean I sat down for an interview after filling out an application and I’m offered the gig. My income better or worst has been self -generated. I’ve run divisions at major entertainment companies but every one of those positions were created by me and secured with a business plan. I don’t have ‘jobs’ I have ‘deals.’

I did not mention my career stats to impress you, I mentioned it to impress upon you that I know a bit about corporate America. Yes, I’ve told people to ‘kiss my ass’ when I was a worker bee and yes, I got away with it, for a while at least but in the end I always paid the price. Some would say I’m still paying the price at DC Comics because I’m not welcomed there. Am I paying the price?

Nope. They don’t have to work with me. I’m fine. I’m golden. I’m a Dark Horse Fan.

I went to one of the finest art schools in the world as an undergrad, Pratt Institute. To work my way through school I took a job as a security officer. No, I was not a security guard! Heavens no! A security guard sits inside a supermarket or patrols parking lots. A security officer sits behind the lobby desk of major corporations and checks ID’s and patrols the building after it closes.

So there. How dare you call me a security guard!

Anyway-when I was at Pratt I worked at The Pahlavi Foundation. For those of you who don’t know (everybody but Mike know it all Gold) Pahlavi is the family name for the former Shah Of Iran. As security officer is was my job to check ID’s and alert and clear each and every floor if there was a reason to do so.

Well one day I answered the security phone and the caller said; “There is a bomb in the building.” I hung up the phone went outside to the payphone on the corner and called the police and my office. When I spoke to my office they asked if I cleared the building yet and I told them “kind of.” I was asked what “Kind of” meant. I said I was across the street and I was clear. I was told it was my job to clear the building, I said “ There might be a bomb in the building.” Believe it or not I was not fired I was transferred to another site but I was fully aware I could have been fired. I could have been fired for a few reasons, among them, leaving my post, failing to do my job, insubordination, being a smart-ass, etc. Given the same situation would I do the same thing today?

HELL YEAH.

I don’t give a flying fish; I’m not risking my neck for anybody for a freakin paycheck. Nothing but respect for cops, firemen, FBI, the military, etc -all roles I’m too chicken shit to consider as a career. But to DIE as a security guard…security officer, fuck it-it’s the same damn thing- to DIE as a security guard, FUCK THAT.

Long story short, if your boss asks you to do something that will get you KILLED-then feel free to hit him or her with some attitude. Other than that, shut up and do your job. It’s only personal if you make it so.

Nowadays I don’t work for anyone, I either run the show or I work with someone however I think I have quite a bit to offer people on the REAL way corporate America works. It’s bullshit if you think that your talent and resume will get you and keep you a job. It’s bullshit if you think that office politics are just silly. It’s bullshit if you think that you can’t be fired simply because someone does not like you. Below are five things I think my young friend and scores of other young grads may want to consider.

1. If you are not the Boss it’s your fault no matter what the problem is. Yes, you are at fault. The best way to handle any problem is, “It won’t happen again.” Don’t explain unless asked for an explanation. Move on.

2. The boss is not and will never be your friend during the workday. You may be boys after work (not a good idea BTW) but during office hours if you assume that just because you guys had a beer last night and both talked about how your girlfriend won’t give you oral, if you assume that makes you buds get ready for a rude awakening.

3. If you are new to an company, asking questions is fine, having a point of view that’s different from your boss is fine, if you disagree that’s fine if you want to debate the boss after a decision is made-that’s FIRED. All that bullshit you see on TV about employees who buck the system and ‘do the right thing’ hoping their boss will come around is bullshit.

4. “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.”  No, It’s what you know AND who you know. Duh.

5. PAPER TRAIL.

One last word regarding office politics and gossip, if you do your job well and you have the memos and emails to back it up, then office politics and gossip are just a silly nuisance. However if you indulged in that stupidity and you have not done your job then soon the gossip will be about why you got fired.