Day One: 9:23-9:31, by Arthur Tebbel & Chris Toia – Pop Art… and Chris #69

March 29, 2010 Arthur Tebbel & Chris Toia 3 Comments

Dear Art & Chris,

This week I had to make a very difficult decision.  After this season we will not be producing 24 anymore.  We think it’s time to call it a day and focus our efforts on a potential movie.  While this decision was made jointly between myself and star Keifer Sutherland I can’t help but second-guess this choice.  Should I be afraid that we’re ending too soon?

Howard Gordon, executive producer and showrunner, 24

Howard,

We were to going to answer this question but while we were doing it terrorists invaded our workspace.  In lieu of answering your question here’s a blow-by-blow recounting of our harrowing adventure.

9:23- What could have been as many as twenty terrorists or as few as one bursts through the door of Art’s apartment.  Art allows himself to get shot in their opening salvo as Chris flips the coffee table and barricades himself behind it.  Making a makeshift weapon out of a soda can and a size 14 sneaker Chris decides to start fighting back.

9:24- Art was just playing as we see that he was wearing a bulletproof vest under his clothing.  A bulletproof vest made of a Kevlar/unobtanium hybrid material.  Using only his bare hands and a gun Art kills almost all of the terrorists.  One of them has escaped with the column document and the hydrogen bomb kept in Art’s apartment.  Another terrorist is alive to interrogate.

9:25- The phone rings.  Chris shoots Art a dirty look when he realizes Art’s ringtone is “It’s Raining Men.”  Chris answers to phone and man with a nondescript accent informs him that their column will be destroyed in a hydrogen blast that will take out most of the city.  It is scheduled to explode in exactly twenty minutes.  He’ll return the column on the condition that we work for him now.

9:26- Desperate to find the location of the bomb Art and Chris are forced to break their own rules while interrogating the remaining terrorist.  Art shoots the terrorist in the leg.  Stymied by the lack of response this engenders Chris empties a clip into his crotch.  He confesses that he doesn’t know much but he knows that from the warehouse there’s an odd wooshing noise and frequent truck traffic.

9:27- Chris goes to his high tech workstation consisting of both a Linovo t400 laptop and a three year-old MacBook.  After using proprietary and software and Google he discovers that only one warehouse could be the location, an abandoned flag factory in Santa Monica.  He dispatches Art to deal with the problem as Chris monitors the situation from their Hollywood headquarters.

9:28- Art arrives in Santa Monica.  Chris hacks into the security system and informs Art that there’s a “shitfuckton” of guards.  Art loads his last clip into his handgun.  Chris tells Art he has no choice but to flank them, and then he realizes how gay that sounds and starts giggling.  It’s obvious that Chris has been drinking.  Art bursts through the door discover the most shocking scene yet.

Have we mentioned how much we love The Oaks Gourmet in Hollywood?  It’s really a wonderful store.  If you’re ever in the area you should check it out.  Ok back to the action.

9:29- Art sees that the terrorists have gone through the flags at the abandoned flag factory and have started to desecrate them.  There are American covered in filth and feces.  Worse still there’s a New York Knicks’ banner with “Kincks suck” scrawled on it.  Art’s eyes narrow.  Back in Hollywood Chris types furiously on both computers at once.  Chris is trying to hack into a Predator drone subnet and informs Art that he should to provide air support soon.  Art is now standing on top of a pile of terrorist bodies and is using an old American flag to start a terrorist bonfire.

9:30- Art locates the bomb ticking away in the corner.  Chris warns him that the column is nowhere on site.  Art starts to walk out of the warehouse when one of the smoldering terrorists calls out to him that it doesn’t matter how much he makes, they have a mole within Pop Art & Chris.

To Be Continued