Orca 3 – Humans 0, by Mike Gold – Brainiac On Banjo #159

March 1, 2010 Mike Gold 0 Comments

It’s been decades since I’ve last been in such agreement with People For The Ethical Treatment of Animals, peculiarly anagramed PeTA. In my book, that’s not all that’s peculiar with the organization.

When they started off, they fostered a strong and fact-based campaign against cruelty to animals: they were opposed to the testing of cosmetics on animals, the testing of pharmacological substances on animals where there were other options available, the wearing of fur, and they were kind of hinky about vivisection. Despite their propensity towards vegetarianism as something more than a lifestyle or health choice, I was pretty much in their camp.

As years progressed, PeTA got wackier and wackier. They started disseminating “misinformation” – you know, untruths. In the beginning I thought they just got sloppy, seeing reality through the fog of their political zeal. That’s an occupational hazard. But in time the organization emitted a strong odor of bullshit. It was clear to me that they stopped checking their facts at the point where they discovered something that would affirm their presupposed position.

But when it comes to Sea World, damn, I’m with them 100%. There’s a reason why those huge wet things in those tiny fish tanks are called “Killer Whales.” They’re whales, in the “Call me Ishmael” sense of the term. And they’re killers. And, through objective analysis of the situation, I am compelled to side with the orcas over the humans.

Whales aren’t meant to be pulled out of the seas and dumped into tiny tanks. Not for any reason, certainly not for tourists’ entertainment. Like the rest of us laboring in the comics industry, I’ve had plenty opportunities to visit Sea World over the past 30+ years, and I’ve refused at each turn. Whales aren’t meant to be separated from other whales; a trait they share with a great many animals – including humans. And they aren’t meant to dance like some drunken cowboy at a barroom brawl.

So, last week, one of them lost it and killed its trainer. Turns out this was the third time this particular orca killed a human. Go figure. The whale didn’t “snap,” the orca was a whale doing what orcas do. It’s like passing moral judgment against cyanide for killing people: that’s what it does.

This past weekend, Sea World reopened the whale dance for the amusement of its paying customers. I’ll bet they had a moment of silence for the dead trainer.

You know, I don’t go to hockey games for the fights: those guys are way too padded for me to take them seriously as fights. But if it’s bloodlust that I’m looking for, I’d be buying my whale show tickets for San Diego right now instead of writing this rant.

By the way, the whale’s name was “Shamu.” According to CNN, SeaWorld uses “Shamu” as a stage name for any of the male or female orcas in its shows, but his real name is Tillikum. Oh, and for the record, the dead trainer was named Dawn Brancheau.

It’s not like they should shoot the whale: it’s not the whale’s fault. And I’ve read enough testimony to believe that if the whale was returned to the seas, he wouldn’t last a day. But putting him back to work dancing for the masses is an act of deliberately missing the point. Were I a whale trainer, I’d think of taking up a new line of work.

If I were a Sea World executive, I’d be spending a lot of time talking to lawyers.

Noting yesterday was the annual Bacon Festival in Des Moines Iowa, comics industry fogey and www.ComicMix.com editor-in-Chief Mike Gold performs the weekly two-hour Weird Sounds Inside The Gold Mindass-kicking bizarro music and blather radio show on The Point, www.getthepointradio.com , every Sunday at 7:00 PM Eastern, replayed the following Thursdays at 10:00 PM Eastern. Likewise, his Weird Scenes Inside The Gold Mind political and cultural rants not unlike this one but with musical accompaniment pop up each and every live-long day at the same venue.