The Waiting, by Martha Thomases – Brilliant Disguise

March 6, 2010 Martha Thomases 10 Comments

The photo on the left was taken Wednesday, at the little park up the street from my apartment.  As  you can see, it’s mostly damp and cold and bleak.  There aren’t any kids playing in the playground you can see behind the gated wall.

However, you can also see the buds on the trees about to burst. Spring is just two weeks away, and I’m ready.

Spring is my favorite season.  It’s usually crisp and fresh.  There are flowers and birds and sunshine, all for free.  The Green Market starts to get real fruits and vegetables, after a winter of potatoes and turnips and carrots and cabbage.  Admittedly, I rather like potatoes and turnips and carrots and cabbage (soup!) but enough is enough.

Spring is about anticipation, about longer days and warming temperatures.  And I frequently prefer anticipation to the actual arrival of the event I anticipate.  Here are my top ten examples of things that are more fun to wait for than to have.

10.  Spring fashions.  Sure, it’s a drag to wear big, bulky layers all winter.  Spring means flirty little dresses, shorts, cute little t-shirts.  Also, spring means finding out how much flab your bulky layers have been hiding.

9. The new television season.  Re-runs pretty much define “Been there; Done that.”  Unfortunately, every year there is more reality television.  If I wanted to watch reality, I’d look out the window.

8.  Roller-blading season.  At 56, I’m not your typical Roller-Blader.  I don’t do tricks on half-pipes.  I can barely use my brakes.  This doesn’t deter my enjoyment, especially during these last weeks when it’s too icy to go.  Maybe, this will be the year I don’t fall down and skin my knees.  So far, 2010 is a scab-free zone.

7. Democrats in the White House.  Two years ago, this seemed like the answer to everything, didn’t it?  With our guys in the top offices, I thought maybe we’d get to control the conversation, at least at the national level.  Instead, it’s still all talking points, all the time.  (NOTE:  this is still better than having a President McCain.)

6. Birthdays.  Remember when you were a kid and got presents<http://www.amazon.com/wishlist/1QMYQGWTUZHGO>, ice cream and cake?  Boy, that was fun.  When you’re a grown-up, birthdays mean  health issues (so much for that cake and ice cream) and hardly anyone gives you toys anymore.  Also, you have to pay for the party now.  Still want a pony?  Too bad.  See also: Christmas.

5. Celebrities.  As a fan, I know that, if we ever met, Robert Downey, Jr. and I would immediately become best pals.  I can see it in his eyes.  He gets me.  I get him.  I not only love his movies, but I love his father’s movies, too, especially when they overlap <http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0068659/>.  If we were ever to actually  meet, there is a chance that I would have to accept that we don’t actually have anything in common.  (NOTE: This should not discourage Robert Downey, Jr. from calling me.  I’m in the book.)

4. Money.  Don’t misunderstand me.  Money is very useful.  It allows you to have food, shelter and clothing.  Sometimes, it allows you to have friends.  It can buy you fun, even sex.  Unfortunately, it gets boring really quickly.  Once you have four or five homes, buying another one doesn’t make your life that much more entertaining.  You can only fly in so many private jets, to so many island paradises.  Nothing is going to beat your first time, which is why spending imaginary dollars is better.

3. Dating.  When I was a kid, we used to play “Barbie’s Dream Date,” where the point was to have the cutest boy try to take you to the best places.  On top of that, we loved Cinderella, and eagerly awaited the someday that our prince would come.  Right up until the minute we went on our first date, we could imagine the glamour, the romance, the fun of being on a date.  And then we entered a situation where we had to choose between split checks and putting out, boring conversation with a nervous stranger, and feigning an interest in protecting our reputations.

2.  Weddings.  They tell you it’s going to be the happiest day of your life.  You’ve dreamt about it since you were a little girl.  You’ll have the best dress, the most attention, and it’s all about how much you’re loved.  Only then your mother is a basket-case, the attendants are hung-over, and someone spills red wine on you.  Even if none of these things happen, you’re so stressed you can hardly remember it.  With luck, the marriage will have fewer witnesses and better memories.

1.  Adulthood.  Remember, when you were a kid, and couldn’t wait to be a grown-up?  You’d play games based on the kind of work you wanted to do.  I loved playing cops and robbers, cowboys and Indians (it was the Fifties, and we didn’t know any better), astronaut – you name it, we tried it.  And if that wasn’t enough, we also played house, pretending to be mommy and/or daddy to our imaginary children.  Those games were way better than actually having to pay the mortgage, handle a boss, or divvy up the household chores.

None of this negates those things that are better than the build-up, including, but not limited to:

• Raspberries

• Sheep & Wool Festivals

• Sam Rockwell movies

• Menopause

• World peace

• Children

• And, we hope, grandchildren.

Martha Thomases, Media Goddess, would still kind of like to be Annie Oakley.