At Your Service, by Michael Davis – Straight No Chaser #164
April 22, 2010 Michael Davis 16 Comments
No, no you’re not.
I like simple. I like easy. I like directions that are direct. I like clarity.
I recently left Direct TV kicking and screaming and changed to AT&T. The sales pitch from AT&T was simple; combine phone, satellite and Internet in one package and save some bucks without losing any cool stuff.
I had a problem the other day with my satellite and Internet connections so I called AT&T customer service. After being put on hold for a long time, a representative came on the line and asked me what the problem was. I told them what the problem was and they asked me to reset something then the line went dead.
I did what I was told and it didn’t work so I called back. After another long wait another representative came on the line and asked me what the problem was I told her I wanted someone to come and fix my satellite and internet. She asked me a series of questions that all had to do with me trying different fixes on my end. I told her I tried one thing and I’m not trying anything else because I had already been dealing with this for over an hour.
She was nice enough but I was done dealing with this and told her to send someone out to fix my satellite and internet.
Like I said, I’m a simple guy. To me customer service means customer service.
I waited on hold twice I was disconnected once and tried ‘resetting’ something. In my world, this was a huge effort on my part. Why should I keep trying to fix something that I’m paying to have work? Why should I try and fix something when I’m paying someone to fix it for me? To me that’s like going to a restaurant and cooking your own food, it’s nuts.
When I pay for ANYTHING I expect it to work. I also don’t expect to become your bitch while you try and walk me through some technical stuff that’s easy for you to understand but Greek to me.
I’ve been told that I should have a bit more patience with these kinds of people in these kinds of situation.
Why?
Why should I put any effort into doing someone else’s job? I’m really not being a dick here I just want companies to honor the agreement we entered into.
How would AT&T like it if I wanted them to pay for their services? It’s like a babysitter paying you to watch your kids.
Crazy right? What’s the difference between that and you staying on the phone while they walk you through the many possible solutions that may solve your problem? No, send somebody out here to fix my shit, that’s what I’m paying you for.
Do your job and there won’t be any problems is that too much to ask? I mean really.
I have little tolerance for people and companies that promise customer service then spend an hour or so of MY time trying to get me to do their jobs.
I’m a HUGE fan of Apple products. I have 5 Macs and I use every single one of them. The only reason I don’t have an iPad is because next week at this time they will most likely be a second generation. When you take your Mac into a Mac store you tell them the problem and they fix it.
Simple.
They don’t ask you ‘Have you tried this or that’ they just fix the problem and tell you how to avoid the problem next time. Why can’t I expect that from EVERYONE I pay?
I’ve told a couple of people about my zero tolerance when it comes to getting what I paid for and more often than not I’m met with a ‘you’re being a Dick’ look. I will admit to being a Dick about a great many things. I know I’m loud, I know I’m selfish with my time, I know I react emotionally sometimes when I should think things out. I know (most times) when I’m being a Dick.
On this issue I’m NOT being a Dick.
If your job is to make sure your service is working then do your damn job.
That’s why I pay you. Hell, that’s why everybody pays you. And if you don’t do your job remember this, paybacks a bitch.
Here’s what I told AT&T would be their payback if they did not send someone to fix my shit…Direct TV.
My shit is fixed.
Thank you AT&T…bitch.
Mike Gold
April 23, 2010 - 6:54 am
“I’m a HUGE fan of Apple products. I have 5 Macs and I use every single one of them. The only reason I don’t have an iPad is because next week at this time they will most likely be a second generation. When you take your Mac into a Mac store you tell them the problem and they fix it.”
Funny you should mention that. EXACTLY one week from today, Apple will have the 3G Wi-Fi iPad in their stores (people who ordered it online before last Monday will get it that day, people who ordered it online since then will get it a week later).
Of course, the 3G service is from AT&T, but if you don’t like them (and I’ve had no problems with my iPhone) you can buy the service month-by-month without a contract so you can switch when other companies make the bandwidth available. Except Verizon; they have no plans to up their pathetically slow “speed.”
Martha Thomases
April 23, 2010 - 7:17 am
The problem with customer service is that corporations look for it to be a profit center. Those poor operators with whom you spoke have scripts they must follow. You are on hold for so long because the company does not hire enough people to do the job well. And who takes the flak from the (justifiably) irate customers? Someone who is probably making minimum wage, or worse.
MOTU
April 23, 2010 - 7:55 am
Martha,
I get your point and I do respect the customer service rep and more often than not it’s a pleasant talk. All that said, minimum wage or not that’s their deal. I don’t make ANY wage spending time dealing with them, so I cut to the chase-send somebody out to fix my stuff.
Mike Gold
April 23, 2010 - 10:44 am
As usual, Frank Zappa said it best:
I’m a moron ‘n’ this is my wife
She’s frosting a cake
With a paper knife
All what we got here’s
American made
It’s a little bit cheesey,
But it’s nicely displayed
Well we don’t get excited when it
Crumbles ‘n’ breaks
We just get on the phone
And call up some Flakes
They rush on over
‘N’ wreck it some more
‘N’ we are so dumb
They’re linin’ up at our door
Well, the toilet went crazy
Yesterday afternoon
The plumber he says
“Never flush a tampoon!”
This great information
Cost me half a week’s pay
And the toilet blew up
Later on the next day ay-eee-ay,
Blew up the next day WOO-OOO
MOTU
April 23, 2010 - 10:46 am
wow
McCarthy
April 23, 2010 - 11:02 am
AT&T has Milwaukee fairly well locked up, and when I moved here, I had trouble ordering Internet service (and later, a land line, as my house is a cell phone dead zone) from them over the phone. So much trouble, that I aborted the call after almost an hour in.
When I decided to try again, this time by walking into an AT&T retail store, you can imagine my reaction when the in-store AT&T employee called the same customer service number that I’d had so much trouble with, in order to open an account for me.
My wife was with me, and she saw me go from appreciating the irony to what she describes as “getting all New York” in the space of the hour + it took me to become an AT&T ‘customer.’
MOTU
April 23, 2010 - 1:05 pm
Kev-
The only way to deal with huge mofo’s like AT&T in my humble opinion is to go RIGHT THERE. Martha makes a real good point-the people on the phone ( when they finally pick up) are just following orders, but they HAVE to help you it’s just a matter of how fast you will get them to do so.
A few years ago I was hit from behind on the 405 freeway by a driver who had fallen asleep-he woke up panicked and hit the gas…twice in the MIDDLE of the day. I The SUV I was driving was F O U R days old when he hit me,
Damn I was pissed-he had insurance and his insurance covered my rental car while I waited for my car to get fixed. My truck was pretty pricey so I was entitled to a car or SUV of like value. So I rented a Mercedes. 3 months later the insurance company called and asked why I still had the rental-I said because my truck was not finished being fix. They asked me how much longer I told them I had no idea because the truck was a BRAND new model and the shop had to get most parts from Japan because the dealers did not have it in stock yet. I was told that I had to return the rental because it’s not their fault that the shop was taking so long.
I told them it was their clients fault and as long as I need the rental I was going to use it and hung up. The next day I got another called from the insurance company and they said they are aware I have another car and asked if that car was operational I said yes and they told me to return the rental and drive my other car. I said I have TWO other cars and I do drive them when I want but that I was paying a car payment every month on a car I can’t use. They told me that was not their problem. This is exactly how the rest of the conversation went:
Company: Your car bill is not our problem,
Me; My neck is.
Company: Your what?
Me: My neck which is now starting to hurt me and I’m sure it’s from the accident..Oh my god I may have to call you back…wait a sec my vision is fading so you’ll have to call me back. Hold on it’s my lawyer on the other line.
I hung up and never heard another peek from them except when I returned the rental after 5 months the rental office tried to bill me-they called the insurance company and the insurance company MUST have had notes in the computer because they immediately approved the charge and I did not have to pay a dime.
McCarthy
April 23, 2010 - 1:17 pm
That’s a whole ‘nother column’s worth of true story. Please hurry up and finish the Great African American Novel so I can read it. Also? Be sure to put vampires in it.
Reg
April 23, 2010 - 4:59 pm
Kevin said…”Please hurry up and finish the Great African American Novel so I can read it.”
Co-sign!
LOL…I don’t rest of youse…but I’m definitely getting a master’s course in ‘How to Assert Oneself Against the Corporate Power Structure’ aka ‘Kickin’ da Man in his Cojones’….
After I have turned the other cheek of course.
🙂
Mike Gold
April 24, 2010 - 7:51 am
McCarthy —
“Getting all New York” is a wonderful phrase, and I’m going to borrow it. Please give me deep thanks to your wife.
MOTU —
I’ve said this before but it is worth repeating. It’s the story of the moment I fell in love with you.
I when you and I were walking into DC’s building (666 Fifth, at the time) and you were carrying your portfolio. I had my messenger bag, but I was looking white that day. You never do that. The security clown walked up to you and asked what you were doing with that portfolio (again, we were walking INTO the building). Without dropping a beat, you said you were just making a delivery. He waved you through as I was shoving my fist into my mouth to avoid laughing.
Of course, this was before 9-11. After that, they would have simply shot you.
Jonathan (the other one)
April 24, 2010 - 9:21 am
Having had my soul temporarily sucked out by working with Verizon’s Customer “Service” department (subcontracted to the company I was working for at the time), I can assure you that the folks you’re talking to on the phone are at *least* as frustrated and angry as you are. Consider – you spend from fifteen minutes to an hour on the phone trying to get the service you’re paying for; they have to deal with the company that’s screwing you for *eight hours* every day (plus occasional mandatory overtime), plus deal with your impatient ass. And for every minute over five that the operator is on the phone, their paycheck actually decreases – the only way to get paid better than minimum wage in that situation is to make “bonuses” that can actually bring you closer to a livable wage, but said “bonuses” are dependent on having the correct call stats (max average call five minutes, with more “bonuses” for being shorter than that, and another “bonus” for never deviating from the script).
At the call center I worked, most of the people were either fresh out of high school, or unable to get any better employment, so Verizon felt free to turn the screws on us to prevent us from actually providing any real customer service. (The one department I worked in where I was permitted to in fact help customers, the FIOS Billing Resolution department, was moved to Mexico to save money. They did offer to let me move along with it…)
My wife made me quit that job because she didn’t like the person I was turning into. Fortunately, there was enough of my soul remaining that it’s grown back since.
Marc "Future Mike Gold" Fishman
April 24, 2010 - 3:11 pm
I’ve had AT&T Uverse service for 2 years. No complaints really. In my time with them, the bill has stayed consistently the same. My internet is fast. My 2 dvrs work for the most part. When time has come when they didnt work right, within a day or two, a technician was sent out to deal with the issue.
Now, I come from a tech service background, in so much that I was my art school’s tech service guy for 4 years. In that time I managed to fix computers, scanners, mice, printers, and egos. Those dudes are following a script, but to the point: You are totally in your rights to ask for a service tech to come to your house to make things work. You DO pay for that service, and they should honor it.
I do hate though, for the record, companies with CSR’s… that are paid by sale. The place I used to work for (the place that fired me over the course of 2 months, drained my sanity dry, and then on my last day took away any chance of severance, and docked me some PTO time to boot)…. works in that practice daily. They shout up and down about how their commitment to their customers is “based on helping and service.” but they have to work starting at 8 bucks an hour, with their only chance to make more TIED directly to how many sales they generate. It makes me sick.
Reg
April 24, 2010 - 3:52 pm
oooooow, JTOO & Marc…thank you for the enlightenment…at serious risk to your souls. I try to make it a practice to be polite with solicitation callers & csr reps coz I realize (and remember) they’re just trying to put food on the table … but I had NO idea it was like that. This knowledge helps a lot towards that intent.
MOTU
April 25, 2010 - 11:51 am
Mike Gold said:
“The security clown walked up to you and asked what you were doing with that portfolio (again, we were walking INTO the building). Without dropping a beat, you said you were just making a delivery”
OR there was the time I was trying to open an account at DC’s bank with a DC check(forget the name) by depositing a very large check, the manager told me ” You could have found that check” I was not trying to cash the check I was trying to deposit the check and start an account so I would not have to deal with my bank holding checks for upteen days. I was SO pissed I did not trust myself to protest because the guard who was eyeing me had his hand REALLY close to his gun. If memory serves me Denys had a similar problem and YOU went to the bank with him to put your FOOT up their ass.
Ah, good times.
Mike Gold
April 25, 2010 - 2:49 pm
You bet I did. Why should Denys have all the fun?
Manufacturers Hanover, by the way. The branch on Fifth Avenue around 49th Street. They were since bought up by J.P. Morgan Chase, with branches all over the world and my foot ready for each one of them.
MOTU
April 26, 2010 - 7:25 pm
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