Young at Heart, by Martha Thomases – Brilliant Disguise

April 17, 2010 Martha Thomases 1 Comment

Monday is my birthday.  Just as every other birthday of my adult life, it’s kind of a let down after Tax Day.  It can be hard to celebrate when you feel on the brink of poverty (which isn’t to say I won’t happily accept tribute through the end of the month).

Don’t misunderstand.  I’m not opposed to paying taxes.  In fact, I think we should use the amount we owe as badges of honor, status symbols for the patriotic.  However, since I wasn’t employed at all in 2009 (except for one freelance gig, which still hasn’t paid me because things are tough all over), I don’t feel very high status this time around.

The other drawback this year is that I’ve already experienced a lot of birthdays.  Several dozens of them.  It’s simply not the big deal it was forty and fifty years ago.  Very few of my friends even pretend they’re going to give me flying horses.

More to the point, my life doesn’t have room for flying horses.  Not only would it upset my cat, but the choices I’ve made are not really Pegasus-friendly.  The urban landscape, the the apartment – hell, the elevator – are not conducive to the flying horse lifestyle.

Does this make me an old lady?  I hope not.  I don’t feel like an old lady.  I still turn my music up really loud.  I’m still way to the left of anyone speaking for the left on television.  I still like my movies with lots of explosions and/or fart jokes.  I still read comics every week, usually on the subway.   I’m constantly checking the Facebook pages of guys I had crushes on in high school, just in case they’ve come to their senses and now realize I was perfect for them.

The only things that distinguish me from my adolescent self are the gray hair, the cellulite, and the lack of zits.  Inside, I’m painfully the same.

Someday, I hope to achieve more maturity.  I hope to transcend my insecurities and stop worrying whether or not I’m getting my share.  I would like to stop fuming at the inconsiderate, with their backpacks, their running in the bike lanes, and their Tea Parties.

Until that day comes, I’d like to at least be able to fake it.  And maybe someone will give me a pony.

Media Goddess Martha Thomases hopes to spend her birthday seeing Kick-Ass.