Ask and Ye Shall Receive, by Arthur Tebbel & Chris Toia – Pop Art… and Chris #74

May 4, 2010 Arthur Tebbel & Chris Toia 0 Comments

Dear Art and Chris,

Get a load of this congress huh? I’m sure you’re aware that I’m as big of an opponent to Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, as all the fairies and queens in the military. Over the past year I’ve already amended the rules to make it more difficult to spot a queer and even if they’re spotted only a superior officer in the their direct chain of command wields the authority to authorize an investigation. Of course before a full repeal of this law I’ve authorized a review quantifying the impact of repeal, so that we can proceed appropriately. Now this Nancy Pelosi chick wants congress to jump the gun and repeal the whole damned thing before I have a chance to develop an equally bigoted law. Art and Chris, you guys are better at wrangling bitches than a Westminster Dog Groomer, help me get this rag-raging psychopath off gender-appropriate stinking member.

-Robert M. Gates, Secretary of Defense

Robert,

Women love us, and the reason women love us is because we’re not afraid to give them what they want. So, if you stopped being a colossal asshole, and repealed the law tomorrow, Nancy Pelosi wouldn’t get the chance to steel your spotlight. Think about it buddy, either you or Nancy will forever be remembered as the person who blasted the seeds of liberty right into the stubble covered face of the U.S. Armed Forces. This Nancy needs something only a man can provide and that man is you, and if you’re not willing to give it to her she’ll take it for herself.

We’re curious what you think the results of your review will show. If the majority of people in the military are against having gays serve it seems like you’d then have to oppose repealing “Don’t ask Don’t Tell”. Also, if someone in the military admits they don’t care if gays serve openly don’t they run the risk of being viewed as gay themselves? Let’s assume that every single person asked says that the military could not function with gays prancing about the field of battle kissing each other, the righteousness of the cause reason enough to end this heinous practice today. The gays are getting neither less nor more gay as time goes on, so if you’re waiting for gay dudes to stop being so frigging gay all the time, you’re probably shit out of luck.

On July 26th 1948 Harry Truman made Executive Order 9981 declaring that there would be equality of treatment and opportunity in the military for people regardless of their race, color, nationality, or religion. Nonetheless we still sent a segregated military into Korea. Only after our military sustained heavy losses that they were forced to desegregate. Let’s not mince words; a career in the military is not a popular option these days. We’re fighting a brutal war in Afghanistan against an entrenched force and a questionable war in Iraq against well the people Iraq. For all of our money you guys are willing to spend we’re shocked that you wouldn’t accept any person willing and able to give their lives in service to our country. Even if they’re faggots.