The Best Is Yet to Come, by Martha Thomases – Brilliant Disguise

May 8, 2010 Martha Thomases 8 Comments

Maybe this has happened to you.  You’re a new mother.  You’ve just had a baby.  People tell you, “This is the happiest time of your life.”

You haven’t slept in weeks.  You’ve been puked on non-stop.  You sag in places you never sagged before.  You leak from places you never leaked before.

If it doesn’t get any better than than this, you’re going to kill yourself.

I’m here to testify that being a Mom only gets better.  Lots better.

Therefore, in honor of Mothers Day, here are my Top Ten Advantages to having a grown-up child.

10.  You don’t have to ask an adult child if he has to go to the bathroom.  He knows what to do if he has that feeling.

9.  When he does have to go to the bathroom, he can go by himself.

8.  He can show you how to use your iPhone without having to make an appointment at the Genius Bar.

7.  You can go out for drinks together.  You can even get drunk together.

6. If you go out together for drinks, and get a little tipsy, people who don’t know you might think you have a younger boyfriend.  This might contribute to other men thinking you are hot.

5.  You have someone else to talk to about your parents.

4.  There is another adult who will tell you that you don’t look too fat to be seen in public.

3.  You can have a conversation where you learn something from him, instead of always having to be the smart one.

2.  He can cross the street safely without holding your hand, but he’s smart enough to sometimes do hold your hand anyway.

1.  He can afford much better gifts

Media Goddess Martha Thomases expects a day of tribute tomorrow, and every day thereafter.