Out of South Africa, by Arthur Tebbel – Pop Art #84

July 13, 2010 Arthur Tebbel 2 Comments

Dear Art,

You, like millions of other Americans, have spent your mornings and early afternoons watching the World Cup.  It has brought an amazing amount of exposure to our country, perhaps the most since the fall of apartheid.  What can we do to capitalize on this momentum and cement our reputation as a great nation of the world?

-Jacob Zuma, President, Republic of South Africa

Jacob,

I hate to be the one to have to tell you this but ESPN did you no favors this past month.  After watching an awful lot of coverage all I know about your country is that apartheid was terrible and that this one guy thinks he can talk to lions.  I think I saw six or seven different puff pieces about how bad things were under apartheid including one about how prisoners in the prison for political dissenters started a football league.  Don’t get me wrong apartheid is a terrible thing and I’m sorry your people had to go through it but I bet you could get that point around without having to relate it to a silly sport.  If Nelson Mandela needed a soccer league to motivate him to liberate South Africa he’s not nearly the man I thought he was.

I also don’t think the lion guy is helping you either.  I get that you guys have savannahs and wild animals and all that but that probably shouldn’t be at the forefront of your push for legitimacy.  The great nations of the world are known for their cities and their culture not their wild animals.  Also framing it in the context of a man who actually believes he’s a lion born in a human skin is pretty scary as well.  I prefer my vacations to take place in places populated by humans all the way though.

Really though I can’t believe you’re going to see a significant return on your investment here.  It is estimated that you spent over a billion dollars to get ready for this World Cup.  Much of that was spent on building five new stadiums, which I can’t imagine will get much use after this week.  This despite the fact that almost a quarter of your population is unemployed and live on less than $1.25 per day.  Do you plan to let those people live in these soccer facilities now?  If Hurricane Katrina taught me anything it’s that that is an untenable living situation for anyone especially the desperately poor.

Look, I’m sure you have some great stuff going on down there.  You should be proud of the struggles your country has been through and the society you’ve build after the horrors of apartheid.  However, big sporting events have never really paid off.  Much was made of the 2008 Olympics being an international coming out party for China.  That failed spectacularly too.  Everyone’s talking about you now but this time next year you’ll be a trivia question.  Thanks for the vuvuzelas though, those have been a comedy gold mine.