Ready for Dusk, by Arthur Tebbel – Pop Art #83

July 6, 2010 Arthur Tebbel 4 Comments

Dear Art,

We have very advanced technology available to us in the movie industry these days.  Because of that we know you went to see The Twilight Saga: Eclipse this weekend.  By now you’re probably aware that the movie made over $160 million over the holiday weekend.  The films are clearly an international sensation but without your blessing we can never call them truly transcendent films.  What did you think of out latest masterpiece?  Can we expect to see you in line for Breaking Dawn next year?

-Rob Friedman, CEO, Summit Entertainment

Rob,

I know I won’t be even among the first million people to express this opinion but this Twilight series might be the most horrible piece of pop culture in decades.  It’s virulently anti-feminist, anti-sex, and anti-human.  I was pretty much continuously disgusted by what was being put on the screen.  The fact that the audience erupted in cheers when Bella agreed to marry Edward made me want to throw up.  If I had a daughter of an appropriate age to be influenced by this series I would rather she be addicted to heroin than be a fan of Twilight.  At least you can detox someone off of drugs.  The shit in these here could damage the way someone views human relationships irreparably.

Bella gets a lot of heat in these, and she should because she’s a flat character who seems to need constant protection while men define her life, but I was shocked at how angry the depictions of the men bothered me.  Edward and Jacob are both pretty definable by how completely in love they are with this girl.  They alternate between trying to clumsily seduce Bella and being violent.  That was all they did.  I respect this though, as a man I know that all I ever want to do to things is fuck it or kill it.  No emotions here; save that for the lady folk.

I know I know, a lot of this isn’t your fault, you have to adapt the books you were given.  That doesn’t explain the slapdash movie you’ve made based on it.  The actors were clearly chosen for their ability to make teenagers swoon and not for their ability to convey emotion or read lines believably.  I’ve never seen a movie with music cues that made me laugh out loud before but there’s a pretty dramatic scene in there where the music swells right before a big line and then . . . cuts out to nothing.  I’ve never seen that before.  That scene went on in silence for another two minutes.  Whoever makes that choice for you guys should go back to school or something.

I suppose I shouldn’t be giving you guys crap for this.  You made $160 million.  Your audience clearly doesn’t need more than this.  I’m here on the Internet giving you shit but you could now buy and sell me over and over.  I may not go see any more of these films but you’ve got a fan in me.  God Bless you for taking money from these kids.  At least they won’t have money to buy their girlfriends engagement rings.  Hell, maybe they’ll have pre-marital sex instead.