Cheeseburger in Paradise, by Martha Thomases – Brilliant Disguise

August 7, 2010 Martha Thomases 9 Comments

My near-week (five and a half days) of family fun, with the boy home for a visit, was almost all about food.

It started with our traditional conundrum about pizza.  Our favorite place closed more than a decade ago.  My husband and I now favor different places, which is not so much an issue between the two of us:  We just don’t order it very often. However, since California is reportedly a vast wasteland when it comes to Italian food in general and pizza in particular,  we had to reach a compromise.  I was the lucky one here, because the boy likes eggplant on his slices, and my husband’s favorite place doesn’t do that.

Then, I had to show off by taking them to the restaurant where I’ve been writing my book.  We went for lunch, and ate so much that I couldn’t eat dinner that night, nor breakfast the next day.

Of course, we had to go see Kenny.  It’s not a visit home without including him, his son Zach, and the rest of the gang.  No one does eggs, or fried things, the way they do.

Finally, for our anniversary dinner, we went to the Italian place on our block, where they know us and fuss over us and it feels comfy.

Now that the boy is gone, meals (and my digestion) are back to normal, or what passes for normal when it’s too hot to cook.  Food is once again something we eat, not a huge event that involves days of decision-making and planning.  Don’t get me wrong.  I like to celebrate with food.  I like to sit down to a meal with good ingredients, good wine (or Diet Coke) and good conversation.

But it’s the company that makes it special to me.  The best breakfast I can remember was a brunch in New Orleans to celebrate my husband’s 50th birthday.  The second best was splitting that first box of raspberries with my boy at the Green Market.

I’m not just trying to make you hungry with this column.  I do, in fact have a point.  With the decision this week by the District Court in California, striking down Proposition 8, we will once again be discussing what makes a family.

Religious fanatics of all stripes will insist that marriage and family are defined by supernatural and/or spiritual forces, but those are arguments of faith, not reason.  I like faith,  Really, I do.  Faith is what gets me out of bed in the morning, hoping for a better day.

Still, I wouldn’t put my morning pep-talks into law.  And I wouldn’t make you get up when I do.

Families are defined by sexual activity, in part.  Most of us, as adults, choose to live with those adults with whom we most frequently want to have sex.  However, I’d argue that, even more, families are defined by food.

We form families to nourish each other.  We share our tastes, our opinions, our different predilections in an environment of trust.  We learn from each other how to try new things, and how to deal with what we don’t like.

And we don’t spend a lot of time legislating what our neighbors should eat.  I don’t tend to eat a lot of meat, but that’s my personal preference, based on my body, my metabolism, and my experiences.  I’m not trying to pass any laws preventing you from doing so.

It will probably take years before the California case gets to the Supreme Court.  I would hope, by that time, we are tolerant enough, as a society, that Prop 8 would get voted down.  If not, and the courts decide that the Bible is how we define families, we might have to endure other religious interference into our families.

They’ll have to take away my scampi from my cold, dead hands.

Martha Thomases, Media Goddess, lives in the West Village, where there is a multitude of fruits and nuts.