Hey Hollywood, by Basil Reid – Straight No Chaser #191

October 28, 2010 Michael Davis 4 Comments

Hey Hollywood – I’ve got a (broken) bone to pick with you…a guest article on the way war and the troops are portrayed in Hollywood.

As a general rule it seems to this humble grunt that Hollywood is more adept at portraying past wars than it is at portraying our current one.  Do I know why?  No I don’t.  Maybe it’s because it’s still too fresh, or maybe it’s because no one making movies today has been in this, if any, war.  Or maybe they just don’t care enough to get simple facts right.

In movies portraying past wars, every detail, from uniform to tactics to dialogue tends to be spot on accurate.  There seems to be a genuine desire to accurately depict the conflicts and those who fought them.  Such attention to detail is lacking in the current crop of movies and shows about our current military and wars. For example, a soldier’s uniform, top to bottom, is the most obvious and outward reflection of their Pride and Professionalism.  Take for instance, a tiny little show you may have heard of – Law and Order.  I have never seen soldiers on that show with a properly worn beret.  In my Army, soldiers who wear misshapen, improperly formed berets are ones who end up on the bad end of a pissed off Sergeant.  Why does Law and Order not pay attention to this detail? It may not matter to them, but I can guarantee that it matters to every soldier who watches the show.

The thing that scares me the most however is the manner in which we are portrayed.  On the screen, soldiers are either mad-dog killers or some piteous bunch of imbeciles who need saving from a fate worse than death.  In case anyone has forgotten, we have a volunteer military.  Anyone who joined after 9/11 knew that they were joining an organization at war.  Particularly those of us in the Infantry or other Combat Arms.  And, for the record, I did graduate High School. I even went to University. I simply choose to serve my country as an Infantryman in a time of war, because I believe in the promise of this nation and would like to repay her for all that she has given me.  But that’s just me.  Do some join for college money? Sure.  Are there people here who came in for a steady paycheck?  Yes, there are.  But we all joined of our own free will.  I remember spending a July Fourth at an outpost in the back-ass of beyond with a Haitian rifleman, a Chinese Machine-gunner, and an Irish Grenadier.  Me, I was born in Jamaica.  We are America.  Where is that story?  Where is the movie about the guy who got blown up delivering school supplies to a girl’s school in South Baghdad?  How about a movie about the guy who stayed at his post behind a machine-gun in a burning vehicle so that his friends could get to safety during an ambush.  Or maybe one about any of the eight Congressional Medal of Honor winners?

Sam Goldwyn once famously said, “If you want to send a message, call Western Union,” since they now only do money transfers, here I am.  Just don’t shoot the messenger.  Courtesy of my old teacher, one Michael Davis I am here online to throw in my two cents. You may have heard of him.  I’m told he’s something of a big deal out there on the left coast.  So, no shit, there I was knee deep in a free weekend when I found him on facebook.  I blame the wife.  So, no shit, here I am, writing this article after bitching to him about The Green Zone and The Hurt Locker.  I’m no slacker.  I watched them again before I wrote this, just to be sure.  Sure enough, I was right the first time.  After all, I do have some familiarity with the subject matter after pulling a tour or three in the sandbox.  Verdict:  Hollywood does not fail to disappoint in their depiction of the war I’ve fought.

Let’s start with The Hurt Locker, shall we.  Now I know that The Hurt Locker got a cartful of awards and is supposed to be some kind of modern masterpiece of combat cinematography.  Hell, it even helped with recruitment for the Explosive Ordnance Disposal community.  But, it was still crap.  Why, you ask?  I’ll tell you. In your universe, an EOD Commanding Officer may allow such a half cocked, unsafe and worst of all, reckless EOD tech off post to fiddle around with an Improvised Explosive Device.  In my world that wack job EOD tech would have been pulled, disciplined and planted on suicide watch for the rest of his tour while being investigated for gross negligence and misconduct.  In your world, that team seems to spend their time rolling around in one vehicle all by their lonesome.  In my world, no one in their right mind would ever allow that to happen.  It’s not that we don’t have drama in our lives; it’s just that we have more than enough without adding dumb shit to it.

Then there was The Bourne Ridiculousity, I mean The Green Zone.  Ax to grind much maybe?  We get it, you think the war was unjustified and one big lie.  Fine.  Cool.  Whatever.  Just don’t bore me as you try to get your point across.  FYI, you know who also thought war was an unjustified lie? Jean Renoir.  His movie, however, a little picture called The Grand Illusion, was a masterpiece.  For god’s sake if you want to reach me with a message at least attempt to entertain me in the process.  You might just hold my attention long enough for me to say, “Hey, you know what?  That’s a good point!”  But, apparently, some are so overcome by the glory of their vision that they forget to make a good, and accurate, movie.  Hey, maybe perusing the Utne Reader, driving a Prius and drinking soy latte gives you a conscience.  I’ll have to try it sometime.  But, for now, please never touch a camera again.

Only the dead have seen the end of war – Plato

The author, Basil Reid is a soldier currently serving on active duty