Whiplash, by Arthur Tebbel – Pop Art #98

October 19, 2010 Arthur Tebbel 1 Comment

Dear Art,
My daughter, Willow Smith, released her first song this week.  The song “Whip My Hair” has received decidedly mixed reviews… OK they were downright awful.  I just want what’s best for my little girl.  Is this as awful as people are making it out to be?  Am I wrong to enable my children into the entertainment industry?
-Will Smith, World’s Biggest Box Office Draw

Fresh Prince,
I listened to your daughter’s song earlier today to prepare myself for writing this.  That annoying hook has burrowed itself so deeply into my brain that I caught myself singing it in the street.  So no matter what you can comfort yourself with the knowledge that you’ve come up with a catchy tune.  It’s also a killer video.  Like what if Missy Elliot was an insipid preteen.

Really your kids are each echoing different aspects of your own career.  Your son, Jaden, has an acting career that, while high grossing, has had precious little substance.  Sounds a lot like a certain show set in Bel Air.  Your daughter has a music career.  Let’s be honest, before you were a famous actor none of your albums were worth a damn.  It took you a few records.  I’m sure you can afford to bankroll a few of Willow’s failures if it comes to that.  She’ll get to her “Getting’ Jiggy With It” before too long.

More importantly, can we talk about how fucked up it is that each of your kids is named after the parent of the opposite gender?  Jada and Will with their son Jaden and daughter Willow?  That’s pretty weird man.  I guess you don’t have to worry about bullies though you could probably pay to have a bunch of kids killed without any consequences.  Honestly after seeing what Lindsay Lohan could get away with in this town I would imagine a star of your level would have to kill more than a hundred people before you even got sent to rehab.  You would be released two weeks early.

The reality is no one would say this about you if you were rich for any other reason.  If you were a banker and you got your kid a job at a bank a few people might call nepotism around the water cooler but none of them would have blogs and certainly not blogs anyone reads.  You’re taking an extra amount of shit because you’re in the public eye.  If normal people could get their kid on Jay-Z’s record label they would.  Instead of having a legacy at Yale you have a legacy in the music and film industries.  People are going to hate but really they just don’t understand parents.