Is there a Santa Claus?, by Michael Davis – Straight No Chaser #199

December 24, 2010 Michael Davis 19 Comments

Eight-year-old Virginia O’Hanlon wrote a letter to the editor of New York’s Sun, and the quick response was printed as an unsigned editorial Sept. 21, 1897. The work of veteran newsman Francis Pharcellus Church has since become history’s most reprinted newspaper editorial, appearing in part or whole in dozens of languages in books, movies, and other editorials, and on posters and stamps.

http://www.newseum.org/yesvirginia/

Then she wrote a letter to me and here is my answer…

Dear Motu:

I am 8 years old.

Some of my friends say there is no Santa Claus.
“Papa says, ‘If you see it on Michael Davis World it’s so.

Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?
“VIRGINIA O’HANLON.
115 WEST NINETY-FIFTH STREET.

First things first…VIRGINIA, are you crazy? Posting your age and address is like wearing a sign that says. “ HEY CHILD MOLESTER! HERE I AM! MOMMY AND DADDY WORK UNTIL LATE! I’M VERY FRIENDLY!

Virginia, have you not seen DATELINE?

That aside, your little republican friends are wrong, in fact I’d say they are making too many trips to Mom’s medicine cabinet. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. A age (no sweetheart, age as in a ‘time’ not age as in how old someone is…no honey ‘time’ as in current events not ‘time’ as in what time it is. Yes, I’m aware that you are 8 years old.)

They do not believe except what they see and what they see is a bunch of crazy Right Wing nuts all over cable news talking about crazy stuff. What’s the ‘Right Wing?’ Dear lady I don’t want to spoil your Christmas Eve dinner with what will surly give you nightmares…

They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men’s or children’s, are little. The minds of the GOP are smaller than small. Think tiny then think half as small as half of that.

In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge. Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He’s as real as health care and equal rights for all men, women, black, white, straight, gay…what’s ‘gay’ sweetheart? Ask your brother he knows.

VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus, he exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Now as love and generosity and devotion mean different things where your friends live. Where they live there is no love and generosity and devotion because the GOP thinks they have to pay for it and if they have to pay even a little tiny, TINY bit then life for them would be unbearable.

Unbearable like salt on ice cream, like rain on a parade, like a black president.

Alas! How dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no vagina’s…I meant Virginia…heh.

There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, and no romance to make tolerable this existence. No porn, no pay for view, no weed…what’s porn? Ask your Dad he knows. Why is weed a good thing? Ask your mother she knows.

We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight and if the GOP can screw that up they will. Yes, ‘screw’ can mean something other than a nail you turn. Nail, can mean something else also. Ask your mom the last time the Milk Man nailed her.

The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished, like after school programs, welfare to work programs, job training programs. All programs the GOP would like to do away with and instead fund programs that promote abstinence. What’s abstinence? It’s an incredible waste of time and money. Ask Bristol Palin. It’s also a game republican husbands like to play with their wives. Who mostly wins? The husbands. Why? You know what ugly means right?

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies, which the GOP does not! There are fairies all around us but the GOP just shuts their eyes and shouts; “Don’t ask! Don’t tell!” Then the GOP likes to seek out fairies and befriend them in of all places PUBLIC bathrooms! Then when they are caught they swear that they are not fairies! I know honey, it makes no sense to me either!

You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? I’ll tell you, it would prove that the GOP is a bunch of heartless motherfuckers…what’s a motherfucker? Listen you little bitch why don’t you ask your parents when they come off of their Vicodin high? You are really starting to piss me off.

Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. You can’t see evil unless you know where to look. Where should you look? Just turn on Fox News.

Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, that’s because in the gated community you live in all the fairies have to stay in the closet and dancing is outlawed no matter who is doing it.

Nobody can conceive or imagine what fate will befall Sarah Palin if Michelle Obama decides to bitch slap that Tea Bagger into 2020. If history has taught us anything it’s that you do NOT piss off a black woman!

Oh, THAT you understand.

You may tear apart the baby’s rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but the GOP would tear apart the baby if it were brown because brown can’t do anything for them except cut their grass.

There is a veil covering the unseen world, which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. If the GOP sees that veil they would assume it means we should declare war on them because of 911. No Virginia they could be from Kansas, the GOP does not need any proof to start a war.

Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? To the GOP only FAITH is real and if you don’t share their faith then you are not a real American and Santa is a Taliban leader.

Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! He lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood…if you have a trust fund.

Merry Christmas MDW family and god bless us everyone!