Save It for Later, by Martha Thomases – Brilliant Disguise

April 9, 2011 Martha Thomases 5 Comments

When I finish this column, I can get my nails done.  It’s been over a month since I’ve had a mani-pedi, and I could use some gaudy toenails and some attention.

When I finish this column, I can sit in the living room and knit with the television, maybe even All My Children.  I’m working on a lace cape in a sleek and iridescent ribbon, which I hope to wear over a little black dress to a benefit at the end of the month.  It needs to be 19 inches long, and I’ve done about six.  I just started it last week, so I think I’m in good shape.

When I finish this column, I can check Facebook and Twitter to see how my son is enjoying his trip to Europe.  He’s going to spend a week in New York with us when he comes back, so I can see if he’s making plans with his friends, and when I might get to see him.

When I finish this column, and if the sun is out, I can take my Kindle to the park and read.  I like to sit near the baseball field and watch the kids practice for Little League.  The leaves are starting to come out, and, if there is sun, they create a lovely stained glass effect.  And the park is far enough away from the fast-food chicken place that there are no bones scattered around.  I’m really creeped out when pigeons flock to eat what they can find on the carcass.

When I finish this column, I can see how my blueberry plants are doing on the terrace.  One has leaves much more developed than the other.  Last year, they produced a handful of berries each.  This year, I hope to have so many that I must learn how to make jam.

But first, I need to think of a topic for this column.

Normally, I’d go look at a newspaper, or one of my favorite blogs.  However, I’m so disgusted by not only the news, but the coverage of the news that I can’t stand it.  Our elected officials are engaged in a childish game of chicken over the budget (at least this is true as I write this), and the news media covers it as if it’s a game of chicken, not as if its a matter of life and death for many Americans.  I did not cast my vote to elect Charlie Sheen, and there is more at stake here than winning.

When I finish this column, which is work, I can go on and participate in other, more pleasurable activities.  That’s how mature adults behave.  That’ s how mature middle-schoolers behave.  First, you do something that’s difficult, and then, as a reward to yourself, you get to do something more pleasant.  Or maybe, if you’re ambitious, you do something difficult first, and then, when you have the free time and the breathing room, you make strategic long-term plans so that you don’t find yourself up against a difficult deadline in the future.  You learn from the mistakes you made getting yourself into this deadline crunch, and you try to change your behavior so that it doesn’t happen again.

When I finish this column, I’m going to get on with the rest of my life.

Martha Thomases, Media Goddess, is considering green polish for her toenails.