The Final Solution, by Mike Gold – Brainiac On Banjo #218

April 18, 2011 Mike Gold 3 Comments

As weeks go, this past one sucked. It was a week full of braying megalomaniacs who are have been anointed as the Silver Surfers to the super-rich’s Galactuses.

Our taxes are due today. The only silver lining in this event is the fact that Republicans, fiscal Libertarians and Tea Baggers alike are even more depressed than I am. Unlike your typical Tea Bagger, I don’t mind paying my taxes if I’m allowed to have the money instead of spending it on medical gouging and if I thought I was getting anything close to value for my dollar. We get a lot back – yeah, right now the roads aren’t in very good shape because of an extremely rough winter and they won’t get fixed anytime soon because Dick Cheney bankrupted the states.

As of 7:00 PM Eastern time Sunday, April 17th, we’ve still got social security and Medicare. But that’s about to disappear because the lying Republicans want the extremely wealthy to get even more money so they’ve got to take it from people who have already lost their pensions and investments to those same rich fucks the Republicans go down on every day of the week.

Boehner, Cantor, Gingrich, Palin, Ryan, Bachmann – you and your ilk are truly a bunch of serial killers. You don’t like being compared to Nazis while you brand Obama a socialist? Screw you all; Hitler was a piker next to you. People are dying because of you. If you continue to get your way, a hell of a lot more people are going to die – most of them horribly, in preventable deaths. Meanwhile, you’re working real hard to destroy the human infrastructure that your idiot rich-bitch buddies need in order to sell their cheap useless lead-filled trinkets and sugar-and-salt laden overpriced addictive “foods” in your sub-human Wal-Mart caves.

I didn’t include Donald Trump in this list because if I thought he had a real chance of becoming president, I’d blow my brains out. Unfortunately, Donald Trump does have a real chance of becoming president – America’s nitwit class saw fit to elect Reagan and the super-rich can always use another show puppet. Seeing as how I haven’t had handgun practice since I left Illinois 25 years ago, you might not want to be standing right next to me because I could miss. Although if I’m standing right next to Donald Trump, please take a picture because, you know, I could miss.

Yeah, yeah. We’ve got a ridiculously high debt. As if somebody’s going to turn off the electricity on our nation. Let’s set the record straight here: private parties largely own our national debt. Ten trillion dollars is owned by state and federal government agencies, U.S. citizen investors (savings and treasury bonds), mutual funds, Caribbean banks, and foreign oil concerns, including Iran. Those on this list who aren’t us need us to buy their crap. Except Iran.

Of those foreign nations who buy our debt, Canada, Hong Kong (a governmental entity separate from China), Brazil, the United Kingdom, Japan and China own something less than three trillion dollars combined. And they, too, need us to buy their crap.

The dreaded nation of China owns just a hair more of our debt than Japan. China holds about 8% of our debt. From November 2009 to November 2010, our debt to China was reduced by 33 billion dollars. Them Tea Baggers have been lying to you.

Still, debt is bad. If money is good, not having money is bad so it only follows that debt is worse. So, okay, let’s cut the deficit. Here’s a solution that will cut our budget a lot faster and a lot more substantially than the “death to the sick” polices of the Republicans and their Tea Party CPUs. It’s also simpler to implement. It will save tens of thousands of American lives and, by the way, save lives all over the world.

What we do is this: we take our six highest ranking military personnel. We send one to Iraq, one to Afghanistan, one to Libya, one to Japan, one to Germany, and one to Korea. They each have a sealed envelope. At exactly the same time, say, 12 Noon GMT on May 1st, they open those envelopes in front of all the troops and consultants assigned to those nations and they read the contents of the letter therein to those assembled. The letter consists of only three words:

“Ten-hut!!!

“ABOUT FACE!”

That will go a hell of a lot further than cutting funding to Planned Parenthood.

Cut the deficit, but first let’s cut the bullshit.

www.ComicMix.com editor-in-Chief, and emotional scallywag Mike Gold is pissed. He still performs the weekly two-hour Weird Sounds Inside The Gold Mind ass-kicking bizarro music and blather radio show on America’s pop culture channel The Point, www.getthepointradio.com, every Sunday at 7:00 PM Eastern, replayed three times during the week (check the website above for times). Likewise, his musically offensive Weird Scenes Inside The Gold Mind political and cultural rants are unleashed each and every day at the same venue.