A Pint of Trouble, by Arthur Tebbel – Pop Art #129

May 24, 2011 Arthur Tebbel 0 Comments

Dear Art,

I fear that Ireland is on the precipice of total war.  Recently we have had two visits from foreign heads of state, first Queen Elizabeth II of the United Kingdom and then U.S. President Barack Obama.  The Queen, in Ireland for the first time and the first time for any British Monarch since the foundation of the Republic, visited the Guinness Storehouse, was poured a beer by the brew master and refused to drink it.  When President Obama was in the country he drank a pint of Guinness seemingly gladly.  Do we have to go to war with Britain now?  Should we expect the U.S. to be allies in this offensive?

Mary McAleese, President of Ireland

Mary,

I think this is definitely worth a few cruise missiles at the very least.  As an American the only thing I associate with Ireland more than Guinness is the color green and throwing up.  If the queen also refused an opportunity to throw up on the sidewalk while wearing a free t-shirt you should probably proceed to chemical and germ warfare.  You might not have access to stuff like that; I know nothing about your military.  If you don’t, see if Bono can write a really nasty song about it.

You might be better off engaging in a propaganda war.  I looked into it and it seems the queen never drinks beer.  In fact, at the royal wedding last month no one was allowed to drink beer at the reception because it is inappropriate to do so in the presence of the queen.  I’m going to repeat that.  The Queen of England never drinks beer.  You know who enjoys a good beer now and again?  The entire population of Great Britain.  The UK consumes more Guinness than Ireland does.  Clearly this monarchy is out of touch with the people it represents.  I think Locke practically insists on a revolution at this point.  Push that idea on the populace.  I recommend printing revolutionary messages on promotional coasters.  You know no one in the monarchy will see it.

I don’t think you’ll get much support from us on this one though.  For one we’re like three months away from a complete financial collapse if the debt ceiling doesn’t get raised so we probably can’t afford a fourth military action.  Also, I doubt the first black president would get away with starting a war over beer.  The right wing news outlets would be calling Guinness a malt liquor in no time at all.  I can already see the graphics touting this as the Olde English Conflict.  They’re delightful.