No Breit Spots, by Arthur Tebbel – Pop Art #130
May 31, 2011 Arthur Tebbel 0 Comments
Dear Art,
I’ve done it again. I’ve done my damndest to drum up another scandal on a prominent Democratic politician. I was able to manufacture evidence that New York Congressman Weiner was sending indecent photos to a college student. Unfortunately it seems that people figured out it was manufactured way quicker than usual. Commenters on Gawker cracked my scam within a matter of hours even down to which phony Twitter accounts were involved. It seems that my heart has grown three sizes today and I’m concerned about who I’ve hurt. Who do you think I’ve hurt the most?
-Andrew Breitbart, Media Scumbag
Andy,
I think the person you owe the biggest apology to is me and other humorists. You have denied us weeks if not months of Weiner/weener jokes. The press probably would have called it weener-gate. We could talk about how big weener-gate was. How Weiner’s political carrer was choking on weener-gate. How weener-gate was penetrating the political discourse. That was just 30 seconds of effort. Imagine what people would have come up with given more time. You’ve robbed us of all those jokes. Robbed the world really. Have you no decency sir?
Second is probably the poor girl who supposedly received these pictures. She deleted her Facebook and Twitter accounts in the hours after this “scandal” broke because she was being harassed by members of the media and assholes like you (but not you yourself, of course). She probably deserved it though. I mean for having the audacity to follow a Democratic congressman. And for jokingly calling him her boyfriend once. That should probably make her online life forfeit for your smear campaign bullshit against a political enemy.
You also owe an apology to basically everyone in any democracy around the world. You are the ultimate expression of Karl Rove’s wildest fantasies. You make up stories, you shoot out of context, you “creatively edit” your footage. You’ll never get busted. Baltimore has a case against you but they don’t have the budget to prosecute you. You can just keep moving along to new places and new targets. They might never even find your fingerprints on this one. If you go down someone else will take your place. You’ve proven there’s a lot of money and fame to be had going down this road. There’s no stopping assholes like you here or anywhere else with a free press. You’re a sick joke posing as a reporter and I think it says something when the only thing that would make me laugh out of this is a series of dick jokes.
Bill Mulligan
May 31, 2011 - 7:03 pm
Were I a betting man I’d bet that this will end up with a staffer for Weiner resigning over what is now being called (by Weiner) “a prank”.
The claim that there was no photo, that this was a photoshopped image, has been debunked by Weiner himself. Why he has no apparent interest in finding the person who hacked his account and tried to damage his reputation and marriage is beyond me–I think most of us would be eager to see the hacker exposed and possibly face legal measures. Weiner’s actions do not seem to me to be the actions of a guy who is a victim with nothing to hide. Either he did it–and he’d have to be way more stupid than he’s ever given any indication of being for that to be the case–or he has reasons to not want any more attention. Ergo my guess that he is protecting a staffer.
Martha Thomases
June 1, 2011 - 4:03 am
Weiner is a funny guy, and he’s trying to laugh this off. Whether or not this works as a tactic (our media is cluelessly humorless) remains to be seen.
Bill Mulligan
June 1, 2011 - 4:11 am
I dunno, Martha, that press conference was anything but funny. Not a big Weiner fan (fnar! fnar!)and even I felt bad for him, even though it’s his own fault for not giving simple answers to simple questions and acting like he has already done so. It sure didn’t come across as though he thinks this is just a funny joke.
I will amend my prediction to the following–within a day or so we will see the official line go from “This was an outrageous fraud perpetrated by an evil conservative” to “this is no big deal and none of our business, why are you butting into someone’s private life?”
Bill Mulligan
June 1, 2011 - 5:55 am
I think Mr Weiner’s incredibly bad press conference has removed most if not all reason to give him much benefit of the doubt. Even the gang at Daily Kos is turning on him.
I expect the line will shift from “This was a dastardly attempt to defame a decent man!” to “So what? It’s a personal matter!” before very long.
Martha Thomases
June 1, 2011 - 5:59 am
What’s your source on Daily Kos? Because the last time I looked, they were making a pretty good case that Patriot USA (or an ally) had set the whole thing up. And I wasn’t going to cite it here because I thought it would seem to be too partisan a quote.
Bill Mulligan
June 1, 2011 - 6:49 am
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2011/05/31/980796/-Why-hasnt-Weiner-contacted-the-FBI-Law-Enforcement-to-report-Breitbarts-hack?via=search
There is also a poll there where out of 3 choices “definitely a hack” comes in last.
But I must confess i was actually thinking of talking Points memo, which had a reporter ask Weiner directly, got the same run around and has a (to me) surprisingly large number of commentators who are skeptical of Weiner’s claims. I think post-John Edwards Democrats are less willing to go out on a limb defending a guy on the “nobody could be that stupid” theory.
R. Maheras
June 1, 2011 - 10:28 am
While I think this whole affair is an incredibly stupid waste of time and energy, I found Weiner’s reactions and non-responses when questioned by the media to be quite odd — especially the way he stubbornly avoided the simple answer of “No, I did not send that tweet.”
Then again, with all of the quirky and downright goofy politicians I’ve seen working in Washington over the years — party affiliation be damned — I guess such curious behavior is par for the course.
Bill Mulligan
June 1, 2011 - 11:28 am
Now Weiner is saying that, in answer to the question of whether or not the picture was of him “”You know, I can’t say with certitude.”
Wow. What is this guy, 14? I think most of us can indeed say, with cosmic certitude, that any pictures of tumescent briefs sent to comely coeds are not, in fact, of us, being as said pictures simply do not exist.
I’m getting the feeling that Weiner is terrified that a categorical denial will ultimately sink him–which, ironically, may mean that he was indeed hacked and that whoever got this photo may have gotten far worse as well.
I think he is supposed to have another press conference soon, which had better go more smoothly than the last one.
Bill Mulligan
June 1, 2011 - 7:33 pm
Uh oh. Weiner is in real trouble now–Reuters is calling him a Republican! http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/publius-forum/2011/06/now-media-trying-to-turn-weiner-tweeter-into-a-republican.html
On the bright side, it looks like Andy will get back those weeks of wiener jokes he thought would be denied him. I’ll bet he’s thrilled with how this is all shaking out.
You have to love the internet age. A scandal can break, be debunked, be revived, hit a crescendo and be old news before a week has passed.
Bill Mulligan
June 2, 2011 - 4:04 am
Well, he’s now lost Chris Matthews, who made one of his die hard defenders Joan Walsh look foolish when she tried to make the story about Brietbart and not Weiner’s increasingly surreal statements. Even Walsh is now writing that Weiner should just stop talking, a curious statement from an alleged journalist who, one might think, wants to get to the truth, but there you are.
At least Arthur will get to use all those weener jokes he feared lost forever. He must be thrilled at this sudden change in fortune.
Bill Mulligan
June 2, 2011 - 8:37 am
It’s really an amazing story when you think about it. Look at what Weiner started out with:
A- a smoking hot wife
B- A cadre of sympathetic commentators fully willing to swallow any consistent story he put forth and lay the blame elsewhere.
C- a press that was not eager to pursue the story
D- a reputation as a smart guy with a bright future, always welcome to snark at the opposition on the chat shows.
In the course of just a few days he has changed all that to
A- a fast approaching one year wedding anniversary of what one imagines could be filled with uncomfortable silences
B- angry acolytes who have been thrown under the bus and beclowned by his increasingly bizarre statements and shifts. When they were ready to vent fury on hackers he changed the story to a prank. When they tried to make light of it he got angry. When they got angry he made dick jokes to reporters.
C- reporters called jackasses for asking logical questions. Amazingly, this did not stop the questions. Those who had defended him washed their hands of it. Even his good friend John Stewart wouldn’t fall on his sword.
D- He’ll survive this–if New York can stomach Charles Rangle’s clumsy corruption they can certainly live with this far less serious foolishness. Will liberals still have them on their shows? The GOP can only pray that is the case. Nothing better than having as the public face of one’s opposition a fellow who is easy to mock.
Gone forver is any hope of being thought of as a smart guy. Quick, what is the one thing–THE ONE THING– you do NOT do when your name is Weiner? Something that allows everyone to make the obvious and apparently inexhaustible jokes.
Now, let’s allow that there is always the chance that he is not guilty of anything other than an astonishing level of cluelessness on how to handle this. It’s not unheard of for innocent people to act guilty. That seems to be the best case scenario for him at this point.
Arthur Tebbel
June 6, 2011 - 10:40 am
“On the bright side, it looks like Andy will get back those weeks of wiener jokes he thought would be denied him. I’ll bet he’s thrilled with how this is all shaking out.”
Wait, who the fuck is Andy? Do you not even know my name? It’s in the title of the damn column. I thought if I was going to spend a week getting trolled it would at least be someone who had read another word I had ever written. Christ almighty.
On the plus side you have made me angry enough to break my “never respond in comments” rule. Nothing about Weiner’s behavior this week overwrites the underlying fishiness at the foundation of this “story.” The only person who saw the original tweet was that PatriotUSA76 account. This is the same guy who had been claiming there was going to be a Weiner sex scandal way before it actually happened. That’s a hell of a coincidence. There’s also the tweet from a Breitbart staffer earlier the same afternoon asking how to fake a yfrog posting.
CIrcumstantial evidence? It sure is. More valuable for me than a few weird interviews? also yes.
Reg
June 6, 2011 - 1:45 pm
Yeah. This has grown a whole nother set of legs. NPI.
Arthur Tebbel
June 6, 2011 - 1:55 pm
Yeah, wow. See this confession would go ahead and trump that circumstantial evidence.
I wonder if stuff like this happened when the telegraph was brand new.
Bill Mulligan
June 6, 2011 - 2:53 pm
Doing the Snoopy Dance now. Later, upon reflection of the pain his wife is going through, I will be ashamed.
I do apologize for the Arthur/Andy mixup. But trolling you for a week? C’mon! (actually, my comments kept failing to post–a spam filter???–so I ended up making the same point a few times before giving up and blaming Windows Vista. Then they all show up. Didn’t mean to look like a stalker.)
And the moral of the story–never bet against a politician being bone, stone, stick stupid, if that is even in the realm of possibility. In retrospect, the only thing Weiner had in his favor was the thought that he was too smart to be so dumb, which is not worth a hat-full of spit when you are talking about our political class.