The Great American Parade, by Mike Gold – Brainiac In Banjo #221

May 9, 2011 Mike Gold 3 Comments

“It’s a bright, sunny day here in the Wall Street canyon, Steve, and when it comes to a parade you couldn’t ask for better weather.”

“Yes indeedy, Gretchen. And you couldn’t ask for a better city than New York. I mean, where do they find real tickertape? Paris? Rome? Queens? I don’t think so. This is New York City. It’s the real deal!”

“That’s right Steve. Nothing phony here. And heading up the parade are 2,000 Eagle Scouts from all over the nation – Iowa, Idaho, and Indiana. 2,000 freshly-scrubbed little faces with their matching white gloves, each holding their very own placard carrying a different photo of the freshly slain Osama bin Ladin, some with two eyes, some with one, and some have the wrong eye shot out. How amazing is that Steve?”

“Oh, that’s simply wonderfully amazing, Gretchen. And right behind them we have the John Ashcroft Choir in full barbershop quartet regalia – that’s John singing “Soar Like An Eagle,” of course, and Trent Lott, James Jeffords and Larry “Wide Stance” Craig are singing harmony. I think they might be singing a different tune though, and… yes, former Senator Craig has just kicked in a miniature log cabin. I’m not sure what that’s about, Gretchen.”

“That’s right Steve. And next up – oh, my god, oh my god, oh my god, it’s the Sarah Palin float and the vice president is standing on top of a dead grizzly bear with one eye shot out, drinking what looks like blood from a large fragment of a disembodied skull. Is that a grizzly bear skull? And, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, Vice President Palin seems to be, yes she’s, she’s taking her clothes off in a strip-tease, tossing her garments into the audience! Oh, my god, oh my god, oh my god, I can’t believe we’re so lucky to be here! We should kill more Muslim rich kids if…”

“Gretchen – if I’m not mistaken, I believe the roaring crowd is tossing her clothes back on the float! I just wish Brian was here to see this!”

“That’s right Steve. Of course, Brian is in New Jersey right now for the celebration of the 74th anniversary of the day Dick Cheney shot down the Hindenburg before it dropped a nuclear bomb on Newark. What a MAN!”

“Yes, Gretchen. Sadly, Roger Ailes got a bit too close to former President Cheney and was hit by magnum 12-gauge shotgun pellets, but we expect Roger to apologize to former President Cheney any minute now.”

“That’s right Steve. And, oh the humanity. Next up we have a chorus of cheerleaders all over the nation – Iowa, Idaho, and Indiana – sporting very attractive red, white and blue pompons made entirely of tea bags!”

“Gretchen, those women seem to be a bit old for cheerleaders, don’t they? But they are wearing extremely attractive matching red blazers with white piping, the official uniform of the Republican Party. They’re all just gorgeous.”

“That’s right Steve. And oh, my god, oh my god, oh my god, one of them has just tossed a Molotov cocktail at a Muslim Women’s Health Center! What a great American patriot! I’m so happy to be here today, and every time I see something like this, I’m so thrilled to be a Great American Vixen!”

“And now, Gretchen, we have our guest of honor, the great man himself, the man responsible for our being here today. And the socialists say the Tea Party is a racist movement, but yet we can see from our vantage point dozens of small African-Negro children weeping – weeping openly! It’s quite a sight.”

“That’s right Steve. I believe today they’re called pickaninnies, aren’t they?”

“Sorry to interrupt you, Gretchen, but we’re about to see the Prezmobile – a vehicle so stunning it makes the Pope’s ride look like a rusty Radio Flyer. Yes, there it is, the famous Prezmobile… and a microphone is now being lowered into the glass-walled isolation booth.

“And now, the next words you will hear will be those of America’s greatest hero since Charles Lindbergh… the man who shot and killed Osama bin Ladin and personally exiled his cardinal Barack Obama back to Kenya… Ladies and gentlemen, I give you our hero, the President of the United State of America… Mister GEORGE W. BUSH!”

“That’s right Steve. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!”

Rabble-rouser Mike Gold performs the weekly two-hour Weird Sounds Inside The Gold Mind rock-and-blues radio show on The Point, www.getthepointradio.com, every Sunday at 7:00 PM Eastern, replayed three times during the week (check the website above for times). His fabulously successful Weird Scenes Inside The Gold Mind political and cultural rants are unfurled each and every day at the same venue, and will soon be available through You Tube.