Gonna Make You Sweat, by Martha Thomases – Brilliant Disguise
July 9, 2011 Martha Thomases 15 Comments
It’s over 90 degrees in Manhattan during a week with a holiday in it. There are few people in town other than tourists. Television news has their B-team (because the wealthy anchors are vacationing with other rich and powerful people in the Hamptons or whatever) and I’m hot and cranky. Here are some things pissing me off:
• Maybe it’s the onset of Marriage Equality, but there seems to be an increase in the number of heterosexual couples walking hand-in-hand through my neighborhood’s quaint, tree-lined streets. We get it. You’re not gay. Now let go of each other and move over so those of us with things to do can walk by.
• And put down your damn phones! When my son was little, he was so into reading that he would walk down the sidewalk with his head in a book. I had to explain that this is not done in New York because one has to watch where one is walking. The sidewalks are full of dogshit, other people, garbage, dogshit and people walking dogs with 20-foot leashes that span the entire lane. Those unpleasant conditions still exist, except now there are hordes of people texting, walking slowly, not looking where they’re going. If it’s that important, step to the side and stop.
• In the summer doldrums, the politicians who show up for work are pulling shenanigans. I look forward to similar standards to be applied to prostate surgery, breast implants and Viagra prescription exams.
On the plus side:
• It looks like Rupert Murdoch is finally going to take a fall for his unethical business practices. Couldn’t happen to a more deserving multibillionaire. And I especially like the way it vindicates my affection for Hugh Grant
• The GOP has gone so far over the deep end of their balanced budget/no taxes principles that they may FINALLY show their contempt for the middle class in a way the electorate understands. If they really do this and refuse to fund highways, perhaps we can legitimately question their commitment to encourage interstate commerce, even for the private sector.
• There may be a last-minute reprieve for Erica Kane
Martha Thomases, Media Goddess, sweats like a stuck pig.
Doug Abramson
July 9, 2011 - 9:19 am
Amen Sister!
Martha Thomases
July 10, 2011 - 6:41 am
Thank you, Doug. And while we’re on the subject, how scary is all this Casey Anthony coverage? The last time I remember the press going to batshit over a crime story was the Gary Condit fiasco, which kept everyone so distracted during the summer of 2001 (along with shark attacks) that we completely ignored the real crazy scary stuff.
Mike Gold
July 10, 2011 - 6:51 am
Yep. Summer in the Big Apple. When the sun heats all that urine, giving the city its most distinctive feature. I miss the days when the subway would arrive while I could still hold my breath.
The Anthony reaction really pisses me off. People want the jury to act as a legal lynch mob. The idiot prosecution didn’t make it’s case. If we’re supposed to be a nation of laws, those laws apply to the government as well as to the people. The prosecution thought they didn’t need to make their case based upon evidence, and Mommy got off. Pure and simple. Leave it alone, it’s over. Or grow a pair, buy some rope, and find a tree that isnt near any security cameras.
Ed
July 10, 2011 - 8:55 am
One of my favorite NYC summer treats is walking past parked cars and discovering that their engines, while shut, are still radiating heat in waves.
Martha Thomases
July 10, 2011 - 9:12 am
And then there are people who urinate on the heat-radiating parked cars…
Mike Gold
July 10, 2011 - 10:43 am
And then there are guys who urinate in the subway… On the third rail… Usually only once.
Reg
July 10, 2011 - 1:38 pm
And Yankees have the audacity to make fun of the South.
How in the world can the smell of honeysuckle trees compare with baked urine?
Martha Thomases
July 10, 2011 - 3:39 pm
Because the South has no winter to speak of, the bugs get scary big. Also, too far from the subway.
Reg
July 10, 2011 - 7:25 pm
Martha…please forgive me. What was I thinking? I must have been distracted by the crickets chirping, toads croaking and those obnoxious songbirds singing.
😛
Mike Gold
July 11, 2011 - 7:27 am
“I must have been distracted by the crickets chirping, toads croaking and those obnoxious songbirds singing.”
Yeah, that would drive me crazy.
Reg
July 11, 2011 - 9:00 am
Yeah, I know man. It takes me at least 3 days before I can eke out more than 3 hours of sleep when I’m in NY as my body tries to acclimate to the constant sirens, car alarms, honking, and occasional gunshot.
The human adaptability to climatic and cultural variances is an amazing thing.
Mike Gold
July 11, 2011 - 11:21 am
Fucking crickets.
Reg
July 11, 2011 - 12:26 pm
“BROOKLYN, Yo!!”
George Haberberger
July 15, 2011 - 8:08 am
Well, my wife and I just returned from a New York City vacation on Monday. We saw the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island. 30 Rock, Strawberry Fields, The Addams Family and Freud’s Last Session. We walked all over midtown, from the Flat Iron Building up to Central Park. I guess that was us walking hand-in-hand. Sorry, we’ve only been married 26 years.
Didn’t see any dog crap, not even in the dog parks where we sat around and watched what people who live in high-rises have to do for their dogs.
This was our second vacation in NYC and we again had a wonderful time.I think the city gets a bad rap mostly from people who live.
And if you do live there, check Eataly in the Flat Iron district. It’s a great restaurant/grocery store/bakery/coffee shop.
George Haberberger
July 15, 2011 - 8:13 am
That should be: “mostly from people who live THERE.” in the 4th paragraph. The way it reads now makes it sound like a line from The Addams Family.
Anyway, NYC is fun. Expensive, but fun.