I’m a Zombie Romance Writer Who Gets Blown The Fuck Up, by Michael Davis – Straight No Chaser #225

July 8, 2011 Michael Davis 1 Comment

Really.

My friend Denys Cowan has been after me for quite a while now to ‘Google Search’ my name. He raves about how he gets alerts anytime his name is mentioned anywhere on the net.

Whoopi fucking do.

Denys spells his name D E N Y S C O W A N. If he spelled his name, Dennis Cowan 1,440,000 Goggle hits would come up.  I spell my name Michael Davis that translates into; get this, 21,800,000 hits on Google.

DENYS COWAN will get you 475,000 hits that are ALL HIM.

It stands that to reason that DENYS COWAN will result in hits that ARE DENYS. In fact if you have a moment check out:
http://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=dennis+cowan+redding&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8#hl=en&pq=michael%20davis%20&xhr=t&q=Denys%20cowan&cp=6&pf=p&sclient=psy&client=safari&rls=en&source=hp&aq=0&aqi=&aql=&oq=Denys+&pbx=1&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.&fp=e9c68437a6e7d196&biw=1743&bih=1212

TRY and find another Denys Cowan among that 475,000 who is NOT my best friend, Denys Cowan.

Maybe I’ll change my name to MICHCAL DAVIS.

ZERO FREAKIN HITS FOR MICHCAL DAVIS!!!

I knew it was a waste of time Google Searching my name but then I started to wonder what cool news I would get about me and just what any other Michael Davis’ were up too.

What follows are REAL Google alerts items for my name. The titles and after commentary are mine but everything else is from the net…

Michael Davis is a Zombie

At the High Court in Glasgow a jury found Tianhui Zhan, 19, not guilty of murdering Michael Davis, 21, in West Campbell Street last October 13 by reason of insanity. The court heard Zhan, also known as Jeff, picked his victim at random because he thought Davis was a Zombie out to kill him…

NOT GUILTY??

A goddamn ZOMBIE?? Really? A ZOMBIE?? Killed because I’m a ZOMBIE??

COME ON!!!

It’s bad enough I get crap because I’m black but killed by a sick bastard because he thought I was a ZOMBIE??

How’s THAT for a double minority?  A black Zombie. Hell, I’ll never be able to get a job…or a cab. Well the good thing is I won’t need health care because I’m the un-dead, another group the GOP can deny basic human rights to.

Hey-I just noticed that if you add an ‘s’ to ‘deny’ you get Denys.

I’m just saying…

Michael Davis blown the fuck up

In May 2007, Michael Davis died from a roadside bomb in Iraq. Taryn Davis  (wife) says, “He was my best friend, he is still my best friend, soul mate. I feel very lucky to hold the last name Davis. …

I wonder if Taryn, my soul mate is Asian.  Sounds Asian right? Maybe I should give her a call…

WHAT???

Michael Davis is a Navy Seal…not

Michael Davis – Fake Navy Seal – And the liar goes on and on

Poor Mike, Sorry SEAL, I put a 60 hour week in dealing with clients and have for many years. That was lie number 1. Lie # two was…

LIAR??

If I was NOT a Navy Seal then why was I blown up in Iraq?

I’m just asking.

Michael Davis writes chick books to get laid

WWR: Let’s start off by talking a bit about you. Can you give us a brief rundown of how you got started writing romance?

Michael Davis: I started thinking about…

Pussy.

Michael Davis shot in the head and killed…again.

UPDATE: Victim identified in Simcoe shooting

Investigators have identified the male subject who died as the result of a gunshot wound as 49-year-old Michael Davis. Cpl. Paul Mouton, Lafayette Police Department spokesman, said Davis and woman were involved in a dispute at a home in the 1400 block…

So, let’s recap:

A. I’m Killed by a crazy man.

B. I’m Killed by a bomb.

C. I’m Killed by woman.

D. I’m writing romance novels.

Screw it-I’m changing my name to DENYS COWAN.