Risky Wagers, by Arthur Tebbel – Pop Art #136
July 12, 2011 Arthur Tebbel 5 Comments
Dear Art,
Vegas is hurting right now. The long recession has hit us hard. It’s made it so we can barely afford to keep our NBA team, the Sacramento Kings, operational in Sacramento. We’ve heard that you plan to spend this coming week in a suite in our Palms Place tower. We’re very happy to have you but we’re curious what is bringing you out to our resort during the height of summer and if there’s anything we can do to make your stay more enjoyable. If you’d like to share some advice for the Kings we’d be happy to hear that as well.
-Joe Maloof
Joe,
The simple answer to why Vegas this week is I have no air conditioning and Las Vegas might be the most climate controlled city this side of the United Arab Emirates. It’s probably an ecological nightmare but I choose to believe the entire city is still powered by the Hoover Dam and refuse to look up any information that might refute that. Also there are probably a lot of greenhouse gasses involved, I’d rather not think about it. My point is it’s in the 90s in LA and it feels like 90 in my apartment. It might be 100 in Vegas but it’ll feel like 72, my underwear will appreciate a reprieve from getting sweat on for 10 hours per day.
That isn’t to say I’m not excited for the activities Vegas offers. Blackjack and craps, I can’t get enough of them. I even pretend I know what I’m doing when I play craps and act like I’m not going to make the same pass/don’t pass bets over and over. Maybe I’ll get fancy, throw on a sports coat and play some Baccarat. I can bet on the women’s World Cup and have an excuse to start drinking at 8:30am on Wednesday. If I win even a little money I can celebrate by stuffing my face at your really stunning array of restaurants. Caesar’s Palace has a Rao’s! I can eat like a mafia kingpin in a city founded by Mafia kingpins. It warms your heart really.
I’ll throw some NBA advice in here for you at the end. Sacramento might not be able to support an NBA team. Hell, there might be four or five cities with NBA teams that can’t really support a team. The secret to faking it is to put out a compelling product and not publicly try to move the team throughout the season. That last one you might want to work on especially hard. No one will buy tickets if they think they’re just paying for your moving vans. As for a compelling product you might have nailed that now. I certainly want to see how you possibly have enough possessions to keep Tyreke Evans and DeMarcus Cousins happy while still using Jimmer Fredette and his “shoot-only” style of offense. Maybe Jimmer’s intense Mormon fan base will buy enough jerseys to make this whole thing worth trying. Maybe having the first intra-team brawl in NBA history will generate a ton of interest. Seems like a bold wager for a family that should know a lot about what a sucker bet looks like.
pennie
July 12, 2011 - 4:09 pm
Nothing says summer more than Vegas in July. 115 in the shade of the Stratosphere. Heat waves shimmering off the dazed tourists staggering onto the Strip before reeling back into the porte cocheres…love it all.
So how come you didn’t ask Pennie Auntie how to play dice?
Go the dark side and play the “don’ts.” The tourists will just go foam.
Arthur Tebbel
July 12, 2011 - 4:45 pm
The simple answer is that it didn’t occur to me that I wanted to play craps at all until I sat down to write this. By which time your facebook wall had started to attract birthday wishes and I thought it passe to bother you about such things on your birthday. Your guidance would be invaluable.
Also, happy birthday.
pennie
July 12, 2011 - 6:08 pm
Thanks Art.
Forget those exciting hot rolls that get everyone all juiced. It’s not nearly as exciting but ultimately more profitable to play the “don’ts.”
Therein lies the roll,er, rub.
The…er…playing public, mistake the game’s adrenaline rush for money. Put a small wager on the “Don’t Pass” line. You just need to get past the come out roll result of a 7 or 11 (someone’s birthday numbers, eh?). There are more ways to roll a 7 than any other number so it is your nemesis for the first roll but then becomes your best friend after the point is established–any number other than 2,3 (you win on the come out roll with these) 7,11 or 12.
Take odds and hang in. Wait for the oft inevitable 7.
Return to my haunts for further instructions….
}’;>)
Arthur Tebbel
July 13, 2011 - 8:12 am
You lay odds as well? I like the lack of house edge, I don’t like that I apparently have to do my own math to even place the bet.
pennie
July 13, 2011 - 3:22 pm
You can lay odds. You don’t have to. I look for a quiet table. No one is make more than a pass or two before you hear the call, “Seven–out (as opposed to “up”).” This means the pass line bets are falling like week-old rose petals.
Don’t worry about the math. Reasonable dealers will let you know or ask you if you lay the wrong bet. You just ID’d the major obstacle table games face these days: people fear making mistakes, i.e., embarrassing themselves. No need to do so. Ask for assistance if you need it. And if you feel dissed, move to another table. Bet they have those in Vegas.