Little Things Mean a Lot, by Martha Thomases – Brilliant Disguise
August 6, 2011 Martha Thomases 0 Comments
Although there are a lot of important things happening, I can’t really comment on them. Or rather, I can’t comment on them intelligently. Over the last few weeks, I’ve spent hours at the dentist’s office, getting various parts of my mouth repaired.
(As Denny O’Neil says, “If I’d known I was going to live so long, I would have taken better care of my teeth.”)
As a result, I’ve had all sorts of drugs, and I can’t concentrate. My mouth feels unusually prominent. My front teeth, which needed new enamel, feel enormous, like I’m a racist caricature of the Japanese from World War II (and not the kind of Asian woman the MOTU likes). I can’t concentrate, not even enough to yell at the nightly news programs.
Instead, I’m enjoying small pleasures. Here’s a sampling:
• Walking into an air-conditioned space on a sweltering hot day. That moment when the sweat on your face cools, just before it evaporates, is close enough to the divine for me to worship.
• Turning off the air-conditioner. When the heat breaks, and we can open a window, the rush of moving fresh air is marvelous.
• Soft-shell crabs. It seems to be the season, because they the specials at every restaurant in our neighborhood. Crispy, crunchy, and healthy because of all the calcium, the delicacies are a guilt-free treat. Trust me, when one is Jewish, the guilt-free part is at least as important as the treat part.
• New bath products. I love having a new shampoo, conditioner, body wash, even a new toothpaste. Opening the cap for the first time and inhaling the new smell makes me feel extra clean and fresh.
• Knitting ADD. In some ways, it’s frustrating to have so many unfinished knitting projects. I have a bunch on small needles, so even spending hours on them only makes them grow a few inches. However, after months, I’m starting to complete a few, and I love feeling like I’ve accomplished something.
• Gifts. Even better than finishing a knitting project that’s taken me months is putting it in a box and sending it away. I get to enjoy the process of knitting, the completion, and imagining the recipients surprise and (I hope) joy. Plus I don’t have to find a place in my crowded closet to put it. Some describe this as generosity, but I must admit it’s just passing the buck.
• New park benches. Well, new to me, anyway. This summer, I’ve found parts of the city that no one else seems to know about (except for the people who installed the benches, of course). There’s a pier on the Hudson that always has a breeze, and a little park behind a city pool with a tree, a playground, and entertaining sparrows. Going to one of these places is my treat for finishing my column.
• Leo is back on AMC.
• Living with someone who knows the part of my back that is always itchy. And who will scratch it without being asked.
Martha Thomases, Media Goddess, is also looking forward to being able to stop thinking about her gums.
pennie
August 6, 2011 - 1:43 pm
My giddy Martha LARGE pleasure: opening that box that gives you so much joy to fill with a lovingly crafted item you created and immediately delighting in a heretofore unknown treasure.
PS: you may get long in tooth but they’ll surely be dazzling!
Martha Thomases
August 6, 2011 - 2:05 pm
*blush*
JosephW
August 7, 2011 - 12:18 am
Martha, I’ll bow to you with regards to kosher, but I’d NEVER heard that ANY type of crab (soft-shell or otherwise) was kosher.
9. These shall ye eat of all that are in the waters: whatsoever hath fins and scales in the waters, in the seas, and in the rivers, them shall ye eat.
10. And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you:
11. They shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye shall have their carcases in abomination.
12. Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination unto you. (Leviticus 11: 9-12, KJV)
Crabs don’t have fins or scales and they “move in the waters.”
(But, you just enjoy your crab. None of us will tell on you–as long as you don’t tell on yourself.)
Martha Thomases
August 7, 2011 - 5:09 am
Joseph, I don’t keep kosher and never have. My paternal grandmother kept a kosher home, but ate whatever she liked when she was out.
As a Reform Jew, it is my choice. I respect those who choose to do so, because it’s difficult, but it’s not something that seems important to me. Also, since the rule says not to eat meat in the milk of its mother, I don’t understand why one can’t have chicken with dairy.
Mike Gold
August 7, 2011 - 10:50 am
Fried chicken takes eggs, so maybe…?
R. Maheras
August 7, 2011 - 11:50 am
Martha — Well I’m not Jewish, but back in the late 1960s, my folks didn’t have much money, so with five kids at home, my dad was always bringing home cans and cartons of Kosher Manischewitz products. He was a truck driver, and the cartage company he worked for had Manischewitz as one of its primary clients, so if there was an extra case of food left over after deliveries were all done (which happened from time-to-time), the case was left on the terminal dock and drivers would take what the wanted (or, in this case, needed) on their way home at night. So I probably ate more matzos as a teenager than many of my Jewish buddies.
JosephW
August 7, 2011 - 12:19 pm
Fair enough, Martha. Although, if you don’t keep kosher, I don’t get the worry about guilt. Guilt is only applicable if you follow a particular set of rules. If you don’t follow the rules of keeping kosher, there shouldn’t be any reason to feel guilty about eating food that’s not kosher.
(DOYC knows that the anti-gay evangelical Christians certainly don’t worry about not keeping kosher even as they use Leviticus for their rhetoric. I’ve never known an anti-gay Christian Southerner who’d pass up the traditional New Year’s Day meal of ham, rice and black-eyed peas or who’d turn down fried shrimp or raw oysters just because something as meaningless as *Jewish* dietary rules would keep them from it–even though they have no problem using the same source of those dietary rules as the centerpiece of their anti-gay rhetoric.)
Martha Thomses
August 7, 2011 - 12:29 pm
@Russ: you certainly ate more matzoh in high school than I did, since they didn’t serve it at my Episcople goading school.
Martha Thomses
August 7, 2011 - 12:29 pm
@Joseph: Jewish guilt is more complicated than that.
Reg
August 7, 2011 - 2:42 pm
JosephW said, “…because something as meaningless as *Jewish* dietary rules.”
Not to sidetrack your argument too much, but in point of fact, those proscribed and mandated dietary rules were far from meaningless. There are scientifically established health benefits for keeping kosher.
Just saying.
Martha Thomses
August 7, 2011 - 3:29 pm
Not only health reasons, Reg. Bby having dietary laws, Jews are reminded at every meal to be grateful to have food, and to praise it’s source.
Whitney
August 7, 2011 - 3:41 pm
Gotta agree with Reg…
Back in the day when the tribe was living in tents with little access to water and before the discovery and development of antibiotics, guidelines like these provided astonishingly prescient standards that put the USDA to shame. The defined aseptic procedures before the world of microbes was discovered additionally helped the tribe thrive.
Unfortunately, the success of Kosher guidelines sometimes led to troubles. During the Dark Ages when the pandemic Black Plague swept through filthy flea-infested populations, the Jewish areas were left relatively unscathed. This led to suspicion and envy from the surrounding communities which culminated in violence and Inquisition-led persecution.
If I was smart, I’d eat completely kosher right now. But I like crab and oysters enough to risk food-borne illnesses in favor of some delicious moments of life.
Mike Gold
August 7, 2011 - 5:43 pm
Reg, I’m not so certain. For decades and decades — until about two weeks ago — we were told salt is bad for you. And bad for Lot’s wife, but that’s another story. Anyway, salt is/was bad. Kosher foods have enough sodium (by and large) to make the Morton Salt Girl wince. So until two weeks ago, kosher foods weren’t all that healthy.
Personally, I like kosher toasted marshmallows. That must be real healthy. I’ve been too intimidated to try kosher barbecue sauce. Unless Kinky Friedman endorses it, I’ll be sticking with my Bobby Seale recipes.
Martha Thomses
August 7, 2011 - 7:21 pm
Being kosher may have been healthy by medieval standards. Today, not so much. Or, as my Dad used to say when he saw a Carnegie Deli sandwich, “Killed more Jews than Hitler.”
Whitney
August 8, 2011 - 1:07 am
Regarding salt, some reearch now supports that only some people are suseptable to it as a hypertension trigger.
Have you read the book “SALT”? In the words of Bachelorette Ashley, “Tt is AMAZING.” The author also wrote “COD”.
Mike Gold
August 8, 2011 - 6:39 am
For the record, Martha and John host an annual Chanukah party that features tons of fabulous Carnegie Deli corned beef (yum) and donuts, which I guess makes her a collaborator of Hitler’s. I haven’t missed this party in about a decade, and I’ve actually moved my travel schedule around to make it. It’s a goddamned erudite party, too.
Fuck. Now I wanna go to the Carnegie. Today.
Aside: the highlight of ALL those parties, for me, was Kyle Baker hitting on my daughter Adriane “just to piss Mike off,” according to Kyle. Adriane, of course, can take care of herself quite superbly.
Martha Thomases
August 8, 2011 - 7:32 am
It occurs tome that this whole discussion is based on the assumption that I felt guilty about eating crabs because they are tref. In fact, I meant that they are guilt-free because they are both delicious and good for me. Otherwise, I’m likely to count ice cream as my calcium. Even fried, the crabs are better for me.
Most likely, it is healthiest to eat things in their season. And, as Mike points out, Chanukah is donut season.
Mike Gold
August 8, 2011 - 7:51 am
Ice cream IS a source of calcium, isn’t it? And chocolate is a source of warmth and love. Ergo, chocolate ice cream is health food, to all but those of us who worship Ernie Kovacs.
R. Maheras
August 8, 2011 - 7:53 am
Mike wrote: “For the record, Martha and John host an annual Chanukah party that features tons of fabulous Carnegie Deli corned beef (yum) and donuts…”
Carnegie Deli served the best corned beef sandwich I ever ate!
Vinnie Bartilucci
August 10, 2011 - 2:08 pm
I got enamel added to my front teeth a while back – the oddest sensation was they felt more like the inner, unglazed side of a porcelain figure, and not the smooth outer side. This was, they explained, because they enamel had not absorbed moisture from the mouth, so my upper lip kept getting stuck on the dry surface.
And while the corned beef at the Carnegie is good, the idea of a place that won’t put a sandwich on a club roll is an abomination unto me.
They opened a Carnegie Deli at the new Sands casino near me; no kreplach, no tongue, prices a good 75% higher than at the ACTUAL Carnegie, equals no visit from me.
I actually found out about a Kosher deli around here, in the Quakertown area, but promptly lost the info. I can be a boob sometimes.
Mike Gold
August 10, 2011 - 3:02 pm
Vinnie, does your Carnegie take credit cards? The real one doesn’t. And won’t. Also, the real one serves corned beef sandwiches bigger than my head, so the price really isn’t bad. I stopped ordering anything else along with it decades ago. But 75% more?
I also advise against Kosher delis. There are exceptions, but Kosher delis generally suck. Particularly the baked goods. Jewish delis — certainly Ashkenasi delis — in America are rarely Kosher. If they are, there’s a sign in the window. And they close at about 2PM Friday and stay closed through Saturday. And the more significant of the many, many, many Jewish holidays (which, I’ve noticed, overlap Klingon holidays).
MOTU
August 10, 2011 - 8:15 pm
I’m recoding the last 2 months of AMC. Hoping against hope they finish strong and not continue down the path of horrible storytelling that got them cancelled after a zillion years of being the King of Daytime.
Ellen Tebbel
October 31, 2012 - 12:55 am
TO Mike Gold: I, a proud Hungaran, worshipped Ernie Kovacs.
Ellen Tebbel
October 31, 2012 - 12:58 am
There is a Deli here ,but haven’t been able to get to it. I do hunger for it. When I lived in Mpls. a wonderful house on Lake Minnetonka, what was missing was NO DELI.