The Black Guy?, by Michael Davis – Straight No Chaser #234
September 9, 2011 Michael Davis 1 Comment
Below is the written transcript of Obama’s rehearsal of his congressional speech.
…We all remember Abraham Lincoln as the leader who saved our Union; he was the founder of the Republican Party and liberator of African Americans.
I know what you on the Right are thinking, 2 out of 3 ain’t bad.
But in the middle of a civil war, he was also a leader who looked to the future — a Republican President who mobilized government to build the Transcontinental Railroad launch the National Academy of Sciences, set up the first land grant colleges. And leaders of both parties have followed the example he set.
Ask yourselves you stupid motherfuckers, where would we be right now if the people who sat here before us decided not to build our highways, not to build our bridges, our dams, our airports?
I’ll tell you where, Newark.
What would this country be like if we had chosen not to spend money on public high schools, or research universities, or community colleges?
I’ll tell you what, Detroit.
Millions of returning heroes, including my grandfather who was WHITE by the way you stupid assholes had the opportunity to go to school because of the G.I. Bill. Where would we be if they hadn’t had that chance?
I’ll tell you where, New Haven CT. Once you pass Yale that place is GHETTO.
How many jobs would it have cost us if past Congresses decided not to support the basic research that led to the Internet and the computer chip? What kind of country would this be if this chamber had voted down Social Security or Medicare just because it violated some rigid idea about what government could or could not do? (Applause.) How many Americans would have suffered as a result?
I’ll tell you how many Americans would have suffered as a result, EVERYONE not a member of a country club.
No single individual built America on their own. We built it together. Actually much of America was built by slaves, the Chinese and the Irish. I can hear the Tea Party saying, “How FUCKED up is that shit?”
Listen to me, you stupid motherfuckers, we have been, and always will be, one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all; a nation with responsibilities to ourselves and with responsibilities to one another. And members of Congress, it is time for us to meet our responsibilities you selfish rich old white men.
Every proposal I’ve laid out tonight is the kind that’s been supported by Democrats and Republicans in the past. Every proposal I’ve laid out tonight will be paid for. And every proposal is designed to meet the urgent needs of our people and our communities.
Now, what bitches? Now what’s the problem? WHAT? Jobs for Americans… Un-American?
Maybe the jobs bill was born in Kenya? Or perhaps the jobs bill is a Muslim?
Now, I know there’s been a lot of skepticism about whether the politics of the moment will allow us to pass this jobs plan — or any jobs plan. Already, we’re seeing the same old press releases and tweets flying back and forth. Already, the media has proclaimed that it’s impossible to bridge our differences. And maybe some of you have decided that those differences are so great that we can only resolve them at the ballot box.
I’ll say it again; you stupid motherfuckers, the next election is 14 months away. You hear that you silly limp dick ass wipes?
14 months!
14 months!
HA! You assholes on the Right have played right into my hands. I’ve got 14 months to convince America that I’m the man again! Remember, this nation has the attention span of a gnat high on meth.
If you DON’T pass this jobs bill, I WIN. If you DO pass this jobs bill, I WIN. Oh and before anyone forgets, I KILLED OSAMA motherfuckers.
And the people who sent us here — the people who hired us to work for them — they don’t have the luxury of waiting 14 months. Some of them are living week-to-week, paycheck-to-paycheck, and even day-to-day. They need help, and they need it now. Asking America to wait 14 months is like asking a black woman to wait the weekend to get her hair done.
NOT gonna happen dude.
By the way-who the FUCK are you going to run against me? Perry? That motherfucker has a porn problem, so much for ‘family values.’ Newt? Newt? NEWT? Really? Newt-the family value, fiscal conservative, who served his ex-wife divorce papers while she was in the hospital with cancer and he was on his way to Tiffany’s to spend half a MILLION bucks?
Really?
Bachman? That crazy wide eyed creature who would have us pry the Gay away while wishing Elvis ‘happy birthday’ on the day he croaked?
Romney? Really? The guy whose religion did not think Black people were equal until 1978?
The BLACK guy? The BLACK GUY? THE BLACK GUY??
BAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
OMG, my stomach hurts…
I don’t pretend…the BLACK GUY??? BAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Oh, I can’t… BAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
THE BLACK GUY winning the GOP nomination? !!!!
The GOP nod?? GOP?? A BLACK GUY?? GETHEFUCKOUTOFHERE!!!!!
BAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
OK, OK, OK…I have to stop. Come on focus…hahahahahaha…focus….oh god…focus…can’t breath…OK I got this…
I don’t pretend (ha) that this plan (snicker) will solve all our problems…BUT MAYBE THE BLACK GUY from the PIZZA PARLOR CAN!!!
BAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
FUCK IT! Thank you very much. God bless you, and God bless the United States of America.
THE BLACK GUY?????? OMG, I’M DYING!!!!!! QUICK SOMEBODY GET ME SOME PIZZA!!!!
BAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Bill Mulligan
September 9, 2011 - 8:19 am
I like the Los Angeles Times opinion headline: 961 Days In, Obama Becomes Sick and Tired of Someone Dawdling About Jobs
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/washington/2011/09/obama-jobs-speech-congress-bad-news-polls-.html
Doug Abramson
September 9, 2011 - 8:57 am
That Lincoln bastard must have been some sort of pinko commie!
Mike Gold
September 9, 2011 - 12:48 pm
Evidently a significant percentage of those polled recently believe Lincoln was Jewish. As did Edith Bunker.
R. Maheras
September 9, 2011 - 2:34 pm
Ahh, there’s always going to be at least five percent of the population who will believe anything — and I mean ANYTHING!
Mike Gold
September 9, 2011 - 3:00 pm
Russ, only five percent of the population would believe that…
MOTU
September 9, 2011 - 5:07 pm
Bill,
He was busy finding his birth certificate. 🙂
MOTU
September 9, 2011 - 5:09 pm
Doug,
I’m surprised someone didn’t shoot him in the hea…never mind.
Mike Gold
September 9, 2011 - 6:07 pm
“Sic semper tyrannis, motherFUCKer!”
MOTU
September 9, 2011 - 6:33 pm
Mike said,
‘“Sic semper tyrannis, motherFUCKer!”
BAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Steve Atkins
September 9, 2011 - 7:28 pm
“Sic semper tyrannis, motherFUCKer!”
74% of the population will think that is a vague Transformers reference.
MOTU
September 9, 2011 - 7:37 pm
Steve,
It’s NOT??
Malcolm Robertson
September 9, 2011 - 9:19 pm
Why don’t you send a copy of this to Walter Williams and Thomas Sowell so they can renounce their racist ways?
JosephW
September 9, 2011 - 11:17 pm
Actually, Mike, Edith did NOT think Lincoln was Jewish. Her exact quote was “I didn’t know Lincoln was Jewish.” This all comes about because Archie’s explaining how Jews give their sons traditional names that can be shortened to be less ethnic sounding “like Sol Nelson or Izzy Watson.” Mike then jumps in with, “Abe Lincoln” which then prompts Edith’s response.
MOTU
September 10, 2011 - 2:50 am
Malcolm,
If I ever thought about Thomas Sowell and Walter Williams I’d say they are entitled to their views.
That said, I don’t think about them. In fact I think this is the first time in the history of MDW I’ve even written their names…wait a sec…who were we talking about again?
Mike Gold
September 10, 2011 - 6:28 am
JosephW: Wow.
Bill Mulligan
September 10, 2011 - 9:22 am
And now some are making hay out of the fact that Lincoln, contra the president’s off the teleprompter quip, was NOT a founder of the republican party…to me, that’s like making a big deal out of getting Elvis’ birthday and date of death wrong and who could be as petty as THAT?
Mike Gold
September 10, 2011 - 9:55 am
But Lincoln wasn’t the founder of the Republican Party. Like most such movements, it had many fathers (Hey! Maury Povich! Warm up the test tubes!) and committees and kibitzers, but Lincoln wasn’t even their first nominee. That would be John C. Frémont in 1856.
Elvis, on the other hand, was America’s greatest musical thief, plucking the repertoires of Big Mama Thornton and Chuck Berry and other significantly more talented performers to boldly go where black performers were not allowed at the time: the living rooms and bedrooms of our nation’s white youth. You can celebrate his birth, you can celebrate his death, or in my case I celebrate the day he was drafted into the army, kidnapped by aliens, and returned to Earth a couple years later relieved of his ability to spot good stuff to swipe.
It’ll be interesting to see which pisses people off more: the truth about the Republican Party, or my truth about Elvis Presley.
Malcolm Robertson
September 10, 2011 - 10:38 am
Michael,
My point is that you often seem to assert that the only reason a conservative would oppose Obama’s ideas is due to the color of his skin. When it comes to conservative/libertarian economic theory, no one stands higher in the pantheon of living economists than those two and most conservatives revere them. They also happen to be black men.
I’m sorry you’re not familiar with them, as you really are poorer for it in the same way I’d be poorer for not reading Letter from Birmingham Jail or the Autobiography of Malcolm X.
Steve Atkins
September 10, 2011 - 1:55 pm
@ Mike Gold – In response to your Elvis comment, I have two things to say.
1) I don’t celebrate ANYONE”S death anniversary. I also see no point in celebrating the birthday of someone who is dead.
“So-And-So would be 72 today.”…yeah, if they hadn’t f***ing died in 19-whatever!
2) As you stated, Elvis allowed other, more significantly talented artists such as Chuck Berry (who, when not being arrested for being a peeping tom/statutory rapist, never even bothers to tune his guitar so that he can steal his piano player Johnny Johnson’s riffs and adapt them to his instrument properly) and Big Mama Thornton (who had such range in her vocal performance. I mean, did you hear her album of Wagner’s greatest operas? Breathtaking.) to be allowed in white homes in some kind of entertainment media.
But, I suppose the truth is as you say. Elvis was a musical thief as opposed to an entertainer who covered other people’s songs because they were good and people would enjoy hearing them. Unlike Frank Sinatra, who also never wrote anything he sang AND introduced people to the combination of Quincy Jones with The Count Basie Orchestra, Elvis just sang songs he didn’t write and introduced people to music and musicians that make good music.
Perhaps Elvis should have continued to drive a truck and left the fate of blues, rhythm-and-blues, etc. in the hands of a man more qualified to interpret the feel and emotional power of these music styles.
You know…PAT BOONE!
Steve Atkins
September 10, 2011 - 2:01 pm
@ MOTU – Nope. It’s not. It’s a code phrase in that language of Imperialistic Greed. The language of the legal, medical, and (a few) religious professions.
Latin! A rumored-to-be-dead language that rises, like a zombie, to be spoken in hushed whispers…or, in some churches, loudly recited by a group of people….
What was I talking about? Oh, yeah! I don’t care for Transformers references.
MOTU
September 10, 2011 - 3:00 pm
Malcolm,
I’m VERY familiar with both of them, I just don;t give them much if any thought. Someones color has nothing to do with how I feel about their politics UNLESS it’s clear that someone has gone there first , like many on the Right OFTEN DO. When they go there I go there.
I’ve said a zillion times I have many conservative viewpoints and have recently changed my opinion of the Tea Party from HATE THEM with a passion to disagreeing with them on many issues. That’s a Sea Change that most thought I’d never make, but I did.
Doug Abramson
September 10, 2011 - 7:58 pm
Aw, come on Mike! Col. Parker stole all those songs. Elvis was just the dope that sang them. Saying that Elvis is responsible for any actions taken in the beginning of his career is like saying that GWB was responsible for anything that happened in his first term.
MOTU
September 10, 2011 - 11:53 pm
I LIKE Elvis. I’ve read quite a bit about his life and I’m OK with him as a artist AND a man.
Peanut butter and banana sandwiches…not so much.
Doug Abramson
September 11, 2011 - 1:42 am
MOTU,
Elvis was a great entertainer. I was just pointing out that in the era Mike was talking about, Elvis did what he was told to by Parker. Col. Tom Parker, now there was a motherfucker. Didn’t care who or what he destroyed, as long as he got paid.
As for the sandwiches MOTU, you’re just wrong. Peanut butter and banana sandwiches is an almost perfect comfort food; although I prefer sourdough to Elvis’ white bread and I’ve never had them griddled or fried like Elvis liked them. On the rare occasions we have extra bacon, I will through it on the sandwich like Elvis did. Do not forget the bacon. Dammit! Now I’m hungry and I don’t have any bananas.
Bill Mulligan
September 11, 2011 - 6:37 am
Yeah, I don’t get the Elvis hate. More of a Beatles man myself but if people prefer the way Elvis sang some songs over the way the original singer sang them, what’s the big deal? I love Dylan songs, especially when someone other than Dylan sings them. “All Along The Watchtower” may be the song Dylan performs most often in concert but I’ll take Jim Hendrix’s version any day.
Shane Kelly
September 11, 2011 - 1:06 pm
Dean: Wait a minute! I thought Abraham Lincoln was Jewish.
Frank: What? Why would you think something like that?
Dean: He got shot in the Temple didn’t he?
(with all proper respect being paid to the great Joe E. Lewis for writing that bit for “The Pack”)
Shane Kelly
September 11, 2011 - 1:11 pm
Hold on, there’s a flag on the play! The official is telling me that the great Joey Bishop wrote the bit!
Hmmmm looks like I’ll have to go back to the replay for this one…
Mike Gold
September 11, 2011 - 3:08 pm
Shane — Great stuff.
Doug, I’m gonna spend a LOT time with the parallels between Col. Parker and Veep Cheney.
Bill, I don’t mind covers one bit. Love lots of them. They’re my favorite, by and large, of Joan Jett’s stuff. But there’s a difference between Big Mama and Elvis (or Little Richard and Pat Boone, which is far more amusing) and Dylan and Jimi — and I’m glad to say that that difference came down within 10 years. Quite simply, in the 1950s black rockers didn’t get played on white radio, they didn’t get on many teevee shows, and the core reason for the extreme hatred of rock’n’roll in the 1950s was that it was race music that captured our daughters’ imagination. It wasn’t until white idols like Fabian, Frankie Avalon and Ricky Nelson (well, one out of three ain’t bad) that white parents started to feel “comfortable.”
Steve, yeah Chuck Berry is quite an enigma. But he served time for something that white performers did, and do, every day of the week. I’m with you on memoria: there’s only one I note each year, and I wish I didn’t have to.
Rick Oliver
September 13, 2011 - 1:34 pm
MOTU: I think those on today’s right think Lincoln got zero out of three right. And there are many days when I wish the South had seceded from the union.
As for the tea party, I think they’e mostly woefully uninformed people who would be Libertarians…if they could spell it or maybe even look it up.
You can’t pull jobs out of a hat (well, you can, but magic trick jobs don’t last long). Any real long term economic recovery requires rebuilding our industrial/manufacturing base — and unless we all want to work for a dollar a day like our third world competitors, it’s going to take a lot more than removing government regulations that those on the right keep wailing about. We could start with abolishing NAFTA and CAFTA and favored nation status to China — and reinstate trade tariffs.
Mike Gold
September 13, 2011 - 1:44 pm
Brawwk! Brawwk! Free trade! Free trade! Brawwk! Brawwk!
Rick Oliver
September 13, 2011 - 2:41 pm
Mike: Yeah, you can’t reason with the “free trade” cult. I simply point out that the founders were quite fond of trade tariffs, as was pretty much every administration until Reagan. Of course, Bill Clinton deserves a great deal of the blame.