The Best of Times, The Worst of Times, by Mike Gold – Brainiac On Banjo #243

October 3, 2011 Mike Gold 6 Comments

It appears the Republicans – renamed the Tea Party – are in a jam. They are giving voters a field of candidates and then revealing them to be idiots in a series of nationally broadcast “debates” held approximately every couple days.

The TeaPubs have boxed themselves in. You’d think that with Obama’s approval rating dropping (granted, he’s still well above the bottoms reached by Truman, Johnson, Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan, Bush I, Clinton, and Bush II), finding an electable candidate among those who identify with the party would be a no-brainer. But with each passing “debate,” the TeaPubs have shown themselves to be a rabble of fools out to devour their own young. They’ve managed to kick out or severely undermine the candidacies of every contender except Rick Perry and Mitt Romney, and now those two are in a duel to the death. Two TeaPubs enter, one leaves.

All the while, Barack Obama appears to have done the unlikely, if not impossible. Barack Obama appears to have grown a pair, just in the nick of time.

The TeaPubs won’t support Mitt. Old-time and now-devalued Republicans won’t support Perry. Neither looks good to the independents. But now the TeaPubs are doing something far worse for their party: they are destroying their own brand.

We see and hear the TeaPubs cheering a 30-year old man dying from lack of insurance. We see and hear even more TeaPubs cheering Rick Perry’s murder of 235 prison inmates (and counting). We see and hear the TeaPubs booing – actually booing – an American soldier on active duty in an Iraqi war zone, risking his life for their very freedom, solely because he is gay.

It’s not that these TeaPubs were ranting like drunken monsters at a WWE pay-per-view. That’s almost beside the point. Their problem is, not a single one of these pandering postulant pinheads running for the TeaPub crown stood up at those debates to say this is wrong. To say that supporting preventable death is wrong. To say that killing 235 prisoners – that’s almost two deaths each and every month since Perry took office – is not justice, it’s simply bloodthirsty vengeance that does nothing to right any wrong. To say that booing a soldier who is honorably serving his country in a war zone halfway across the world is not just wrong but really, really stupid.

You know, from what we saw in 2008 the last Republican candidate, John McCain, wouldn’t have stood still for this childish nonsense. And McCain lost to a black man.

So if these poseurs lack the stuff to attract a sufficient number of independents, who can they look to in order to have a chance of winning the White House?

They have to feed the pro-death anti-freedom red meat TeaPubers. They have to suck up to the Koch Brothers, Rupert “La Chiffre” Murdoch and their ilk. They need an inspirational leader, one who can capture the media’s attention and motivate new voters, a white Christian heterosexual person who is every bit as bloodthirsty as their base.

Chris Christy? Don’t make me laugh. There is only one person who can rouse the rabble, who can create such a fuss that the TeaPub agenda will appear as the only effective solution to the problems real white Christian heterosexual Americans face every day.

Yes, I hereby nominate the only person likely to do the TeaPub job right.

I nominate the next President of the United States of America, Madame Thérèse Defarge.

So, help us, god.

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Red Cat Mike Gold kicks rock’n’blues ass each week on Weird Sounds Inside The Gold Mind streaming four times a week on www.getthepointradio.com and available at that same venue on demand for those who have weak bladders He also joins MDWers Martha Thomases and Michael Davis as a weekly columnist at www.comicmix.com, where he pontificates on matters four-color.